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My son's first year anniversary date sort of got "lost" because I've been "spread thin" and stressed-out and pulled in so many directions lately...So I'm going to set aside another day soon to "connect" with my son...I told my friend that I just can't be "on call" all the time right now. Don't want to "run" myself into the ground. Or wind-up having a nervous breakdown...Have to take care of myself too! Need to "nurse" myself back to health and reduce the stress in my life...I don't mind helping every so often but I just can't be my friend's "one and only" and "sole provider" right at this particular time.
CA,
I like the boundaries you identified for yourself. Other people will totally wear you out if you allow it.
I'm glad you are planning to find a special time to connect with your son. Maybe he needed extra time too. You'll know when it's the right time.
I think of you all of the time and I so agree with what you say. I have a neighbor that insists I need a man in my life. She goes so far as to sit me down at her computer and we go on a on-line dating site and she tells me what man I should pick. I am trying to find my own way in my life and I am a loner to begin with. It is scary enough finding my own way in life and its been a series of ups and downs. No one realizes what a widow or widower goes through, all the emotional upheaval and adjustments and realization we are now alone and we are thrown into the singles world, being by ourselves. People have false expectations of me, too. As if I should get over it and get on with my life.
I have two elderly dogs, my first priority is to them. They will be taken care of and finish out their life here In my house and then I will go one with my life.
It is a struggle for me at times and I do the best I can do for me, one day at a time.
I commend you, CA for realizing that your grief is your own and you will handle it on your terms, not anyone else's expectations. You have been through a much greater loss than myself and many others. I struggle with what is on my plate as it is. I admire you so much and I learn from you and continue to be true to yourself. Your strength is amazing to me. Love you!!
I think of you all of the time and I so agree with what you say. I have a neighbor that insists I need a man in my life. She goes so far as to sit me down at her computer and we go on a on-line dating site and she tells me what man I should pick. I am trying to find my own way in my life and I am a loner to begin with. It is scary enough finding my own way in life and its been a series of ups and downs. No one realizes what a widow or widower goes through, all the emotional upheaval and adjustments and realization we are now alone and we are thrown into the singles world, being by ourselves. People have false expectations of me, too. As if I should get over it and get on with my life.
I have two elderly dogs, my first priority is to them. They will be taken care of and finish out their life here In my house and then I will go one with my life.
It is a struggle for me at times and I do the best I can do for me, one day at a time.
I commend you, CA for realizing that your grief is your own and you will handle it on your terms, not anyone else's expectations. You have been through a much greater loss than myself and many others. I struggle with what is on my plate as it is. I admire you so much and I learn from you and continue to be true to yourself. Your strength is amazing to me. Love you!!
Smilinpretty,
I don't know you very well so I apologize in advance if what I write offends you, as that isn't my intention.
I totally agree a person finds their own way to recovery, in their their own time frame.
May I suggest you avoid this neighbor who thinks you need a man in your life. Repairmen are easy to hire and have leave. Otherwise, that is NO ONE's decision but yours about whether you WANT someone in your life.
I tend to believe the person knows best how s/he feels about having someone new in his/her life.
As for your neighbor, I hope you understand your own strength and ability to say "No. Thank you, " and "RUN Forest RUN" away from her computer and dating sites. Just so I'm clear here, is your neighbor looking for a man?
Once you get away then go do something you want to do for yourself. There are interesting lectures, concerts, service projects or mentors needed in almost everything. If you decide to share your companionship with others, pick something YOU enjoy.
I'd say the same thing to males being told to find a new female.
One needs to discover and find oneself first before considering whether this is the time or desire you truly have.
Please post an alert if your neighbor moves so all are aware.
MSR
Last edited by Mtn. States Resident; 09-10-2013 at 11:00 PM..
Smilin...Thanks for the praise but my life has definitely been full of lessons and adjustments too...I know you'll find a way to deal with your neighbor before long...It took me awhile to set down more boundaries with my sick friend...Maybe we both try to be "nice" and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. What do you think?...I think the big lesson is learning how to be even "nicer" to ourselves. Don't you think?...Sending you a big hug and thanks for sharing.
Yes, CA. Learning to be nicer to yourself is a good step. You don't need "needier than you" people in your life at the moment. Maybe some day it will help, maybe not. You can't help/save someone else when you are trying to help/save yourself.
Tami....I agree with what you wrote. Thanks for caring...It's been great to have time to myself again...Yesterday I took a nap and had a wonderful visit from my son in a dream...He was glowing and happy and healthy!...We talked and "played" with each other just like we used to do when he was alive. So glad he came to "visit." Miss him like crazy!
Today is the one-year anniversary of my father's death. My mother is having a difficult time today, and I am staying strong trying to help her through the day.
Just a few more hours; then she can take her medication and drift off to sleep for the night. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit better for us all.
I think about Dad every single day. I miss him.
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