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To those who have estranged relationships with their parents. Say you no longer keep in contact with them .If they die, would you attend their funeral or just have a normal day as though nothing happened
Hmmmm...well, if I no longer kept in contact with them, I suppose I wouldn't necessarily know that they died either. But really, wouldn't a lot depend if the person needed some sort of closure or not or what the circumstances of the estrangement were?
Sorry. I guess there are more questions in my answer than an answer.
it wouldn't hurt my feelings or those of the family that has stayed closer to me if the estranged child didn't show up.
I'd be happy knowing that they hadn't done anything differently upon my demise. If it wasn't worth staying in touch while I was alive, it sure isn't gonna' change ....
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Our son was estranged from us when my husband died. The other kids abided by my wishes (but didn't agree with them) that we not let him know about the death until after the funeral. When his siblings called him the day after the funeral, he told them he already knew about his dad's death as an old friend from our neighborhood's dad was an EMT with the Volunteer Fire Department who came out to the house. So, he'd known before we did that his dad died, also knew (from the paper) when the funeral was, yet didn't attempt to contact any of us, and didn't seem too upset on the phone. The siblings were pretty hurt, but then understood why I hadn't wanted him to know, and why he was estranged~~by his own choice. He was the one estranged, and he didn't care enough about his dad to even contact anyone in the family to let them know he was aware his dad died and was sorry to hear it.
I think that for someone to estrange themselves from their parents (or a parent) it would be for a very, very good reason...death doesn't or wouldn't change that hurt that they must have experienced beforehand.
Hmmmm...well, if I no longer kept in contact with them, I suppose I wouldn't necessarily know that they died either. But really, wouldn't a lot depend if the person needed some sort of closure or not or what the circumstances of the estrangement were?
Sorry. I guess there are more questions in my answer than an answer.
RVcook
The bolded has me puzzled. Even if you are in contact with them you wont know they have passed on until someone else tells you. Where I am from, dead people do not announce their own deaths
But thanks for answering. My mom is undergoing chemo. She might live she might die. If she dies I won''t be bothered in my heart, I think I actually will be relieved at the least if not downright happy. She was very evil in her lifetime. I have been pondering if I should attend her funeral. We live in different places & its only going to cost me money to go to her funeral. I can not justify spending a penny to visit her if I'm not grieving. On the other hand, I am afraid that if I dont go, I will aggreviate some relatives & have some people not attending my own funeral. Plus people would talk
Alternatively I could go there and say a really bad speech about her? But I'm scared to be the first person in history to talk negatively about the dead
The bolded has me puzzled. Even if you are in contact with them you wont know they have passed on until someone else tells you. Where I am from, dead people do not announce their own deaths
But thanks for answering. My mom is undergoing chemo. She might live she might die. If she dies I won''t be bothered in my heart, I think I actually will be relieved at the least if not downright happy. She was very evil in her lifetime. I have been pondering if I should attend her funeral. We live in different places & its only going to cost me money to go to her funeral. I can not justify spending a penny to visit her if I'm not grieving. On the other hand, I am afraid that if I dont go, I will aggreviate some relatives & have some people not attending my own funeral. Plus people would talk
Alternatively I could go there and say a really bad speech about her? But I'm scared to be the first person in history to talk negatively about the dead
What do you care? You'll be dead and have no idea who does or does not attend. You won't know if they talk either. Her funeral will be about her, not you. If you can't say something nice, don't go. Plus it's not automatic that you'd need to speak. That is up to whomever is making the funeral arrangements. If they don't want you to speak, then you don't.
I was pretty much estranged from my dad when he got sick and went in the hospital from a recurrence of throat cancer that he had beaten 25 years earlier. I went to see him before he passed away as did my kids and we all attended the funeral. Even though we didn't see each other he was still my dad. I remember the good things about him not the bad things.
What do you care? You'll be dead and have no idea who does or does not attend. You won't know if they talk either. Her funeral will be about her, not you. If you can't say something nice, don't go. Plus it's not automatic that you'd need to speak. That is up to whomever is making the funeral arrangements. If they don't want you to speak, then you don't.
You have a point there but I am always the kind of person who likes my dignity & I would like to go in dignity. I would not want to ""embarass"" my husband & kid by having a funeral with only 20 people. I would like it to look like most people cared about me
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