U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 01-16-2017, 05:13 PM
 
Location: New England
1,093 posts, read 1,964,187 times
Reputation: 1840

Advertisements

I lost my father 11 days ago. He was 87, had 2 mild heart attacks on Christmas Eve. Went into the hospital and seemed like he might be recovering, albeit slowly. Had ups and downs. January 2nd had a couple of small strokes. Somehow the 4th was his best day, and had a good visit with him. He passed away on the 5th.

Wake/funeral was on the 11th. Lots of tears through the 12th. Less frequent now, but occasionally. I feel like if I stop grieving or crying, that I'm letting go (like my heart isn't there). But it is... thinking back on the good memories.

Does this make sense to anyone?
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-16-2017, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,545 posts, read 3,011,875 times
Reputation: 9434
To all of us. Grief takes a long time. Keep your good memories. They help.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-16-2017, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,545 posts, read 3,011,875 times
Reputation: 9434
I'd like to add that my son died January 11th, 2016. The grief is only now lessening. Take care and cry as you need to. Grief takes it's own time.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-16-2017, 06:45 PM
 
594 posts, read 1,106,026 times
Reputation: 1027
Firstly, everyone grieves differently.

I used to torture myself by counting the years or events after my Dad's death (this is the first (Insert Holiday) since Dad's death, or it's now XX years since). I felt like the passage of time was taking me further and further away from both of my parents after they died.

I eventually realized that I will never be further away from them than the moment they passed. The passage of time will not take me further away, it will only bring me closer to them.

Thinking this was has brought me peace, I hope it works for you.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2017, 04:10 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,517 posts, read 11,501,142 times
Reputation: 21008
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
I'd like to add that my son died January 11th, 2016. The grief is only now lessening. Take care and cry as you need to. Grief takes it's own time.
(hugs)
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2017, 08:04 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,252,569 times
Reputation: 4554
Quote:
Originally Posted by dfour View Post
I lost my father 11 days ago. He was 87, had 2 mild heart attacks on Christmas Eve. Went into the hospital and seemed like he might be recovering, albeit slowly. Had ups and downs. January 2nd had a couple of small strokes. Somehow the 4th was his best day, and had a good visit with him. He passed away on the 5th.

Wake/funeral was on the 11th. Lots of tears through the 12th. Less frequent now, but occasionally. I feel like if I stop grieving or crying, that I'm letting go (like my heart isn't there). But it is... thinking back on the good memories.

Does this make sense to anyone?
It makes sense to me. I felt like each day took me farther away from my husband, and each thing I moved or changed did the same thing. After a while, I realized that these things didn't have that impact. I also reviewed our life together rather obsessively - rethinking memories over and over. I think there is a sense that you have to cement these things in your mind, or you might forget. But the reality is that you will not forget.

So if you don't want to stop grieving, don't. It is early for you, and you may need this. Things will gradually change. I know it feels like that will never happen, but it does. Take whatever time you need.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-17-2017, 09:16 PM
 
4,860 posts, read 2,155,582 times
Reputation: 12375
such eloquent and sincere statements for this poster.

So sorry for this loss...

Be kind to yourself...gentle ...and understanding....
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2017, 01:01 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,545 posts, read 3,011,875 times
Reputation: 9434
One of the things that really helps me is going outside at night time & just talking to him. Me, the stars & him.

It helps.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2017, 09:31 AM
 
Location: NYC
1,467 posts, read 921,546 times
Reputation: 3318
Of course you are grieving. This is normal and natural.

Even if you tried to stop grieving the memory of your Father would come to mind. You would still go to call him on the phone and suddenly realize you can't do that anymore. You would hear a story or something you can't wait to tell him and remember that he's gone.

He still lives in your memories no matter how long he's gone. If you live to be 110 years old you will never forget him and always miss him but it does get less and less intense as time passes.

I still think of all the loved ones I've lost over the years. Father, Sister, Mother, Godparents, two Wives, many friends. I talk about them with other people who have memories of them. Not all the time but sometimes. I think about old memories and other times I wonder what they would think of certain events or happenings.

All these lost loved ones are never far away when you can tell stories about them and remember the times you had together. The older you get, the more losses you will have. At this point I know more dead people than live ones so I keep them alive in my memory.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2017, 10:10 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,883,322 times
Reputation: 4257
Big hug that is what I can offer <3
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top