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I lost my father 11 days ago. He was 87, had 2 mild heart attacks on Christmas Eve. Went into the hospital and seemed like he might be recovering, albeit slowly. Had ups and downs. January 2nd had a couple of small strokes. Somehow the 4th was his best day, and had a good visit with him. He passed away on the 5th.
Wake/funeral was on the 11th. Lots of tears through the 12th. Less frequent now, but occasionally. I feel like if I stop grieving or crying, that I'm letting go (like my heart isn't there). But it is... thinking back on the good memories.
I used to torture myself by counting the years or events after my Dad's death (this is the first (Insert Holiday) since Dad's death, or it's now XX years since). I felt like the passage of time was taking me further and further away from both of my parents after they died.
I eventually realized that I will never be further away from them than the moment they passed. The passage of time will not take me further away, it will only bring me closer to them.
Thinking this was has brought me peace, I hope it works for you.
I lost my father 11 days ago. He was 87, had 2 mild heart attacks on Christmas Eve. Went into the hospital and seemed like he might be recovering, albeit slowly. Had ups and downs. January 2nd had a couple of small strokes. Somehow the 4th was his best day, and had a good visit with him. He passed away on the 5th.
Wake/funeral was on the 11th. Lots of tears through the 12th. Less frequent now, but occasionally. I feel like if I stop grieving or crying, that I'm letting go (like my heart isn't there). But it is... thinking back on the good memories.
Does this make sense to anyone?
It makes sense to me. I felt like each day took me farther away from my husband, and each thing I moved or changed did the same thing. After a while, I realized that these things didn't have that impact. I also reviewed our life together rather obsessively - rethinking memories over and over. I think there is a sense that you have to cement these things in your mind, or you might forget. But the reality is that you will not forget.
So if you don't want to stop grieving, don't. It is early for you, and you may need this. Things will gradually change. I know it feels like that will never happen, but it does. Take whatever time you need.
Of course you are grieving. This is normal and natural.
Even if you tried to stop grieving the memory of your Father would come to mind. You would still go to call him on the phone and suddenly realize you can't do that anymore. You would hear a story or something you can't wait to tell him and remember that he's gone.
He still lives in your memories no matter how long he's gone. If you live to be 110 years old you will never forget him and always miss him but it does get less and less intense as time passes.
I still think of all the loved ones I've lost over the years. Father, Sister, Mother, Godparents, two Wives, many friends. I talk about them with other people who have memories of them. Not all the time but sometimes. I think about old memories and other times I wonder what they would think of certain events or happenings.
All these lost loved ones are never far away when you can tell stories about them and remember the times you had together. The older you get, the more losses you will have. At this point I know more dead people than live ones so I keep them alive in my memory.
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