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I agree with those who have suggested this isn't the time to teach him a lesson or to get payback for some ancient slight. Doesn't sound remotely like "an eye for an eye" situation. It would be human, professional, and polite to at least acknowledge his sad circumstances. Based on the way your poll options were worded and your thread replies, it sort of sounds as if you've already made up your mind. You don't really want opinions from others, you want validation.
Actually I'm not close to making up my mind. I am reading what people say. I put that post and poll together in a hurry.
Most are recommending I take the high road and I likely will. What I may do is a straddle; take the high road for now but at some point, when he's next in tears over his legal battle, tell him he has gotten a lot of leeway from a lot of people, which isn't always reciprocated. This would be not less than thirty days down the road, after the traditional mourning period passes.
Actually I'm not close to making up my mind. I am reading what people say. I put that post and poll together in a hurry.
Most are recommending I take the high road and I likely will. What I may do is a straddle; take the high road for now but at some point, when he's next in tears over his legal battle, tell him he has gotten a lot of leeway from a lot of people, which isn't always reciprocated. This would be not less than thirty days down the road, after the traditional mourning period passes.
I get why you feel the way you do. I think most if not all of us have been through something similar. You have a long history with this guy being an a$$ to you, now you're thinking of paying it back.
Hopefully venting here will help you so that you don't have built up anger to rip him a new one unless the thread has made you realize you do need to give him something back. There are times when we just can't stop ourselves from saying how we really feel, it just comes out, and sometimes when it just slips out, it ends up working out for the best.
Hopefully venting here will help you so that you don't have built up anger to rip him a new one unless the thread has made you realize you do need to give him something back. There are times when we just can't stop ourselves from saying how we really feel, it just comes out, and sometimes when it just slips out, it ends up working out for the best.
Let us know how it goes.
By the way, your poll options really stink lol
I know I didn't do a good job on the poll..
In my religion and I presume yours, people need to work out their msdeeds via another person. Some attempts don't even have to be accepted, depending on the sin. He hasn't even tried once, much less three times.
I think you're overthinking this. Just do what is expected in a professional environment and move on.
That's it in a nutshell. Way too much self-reflection going on here and not in a good way. The decent thing to do is to show respect for someone who is mourning regardless of your prior relationship troubles.
I would compliment you on your excellent memory, but you are using that gift for evil instead of good. Holding onto these TINY slights and using them to justify being a jerkface to someone working through a loss is unacceptable in any religion. Period.
In my religion and I presume yours, people need to work out their msdeeds via another person. Some attempts don't even have to be accepted, depending on the sin. He hasn't even tried once, much less three times.
I'll let you guess my religion.
One of the interesting things is what we hold onto and what means a lot to us. I have a friend that I lost touch with years and years ago. She was very very dear to me. And we got back in contact on Facebook.
I have the things that she gave me as gifts over the years in the way back time and one day I happened to share a photo with a gift that she had given me hanging on the wall behind me. She made a comment about it and I said you got me that for my birthday 30 some years ago and she didn’t remember.
And she got me a little tiny dish with a gorgeous glaze on it, and I use it for my needlework. And I took a photo of what I was doing and that little dish was there with thread ends in it. And she commented on the little dish and I said you got that for me for Christmas. She didn’t remember.
Then she shared a picture of a rug that she got out of storage and was going to put down in her living room and I said to her that’s the rug your mom had in your living room and she said I don’t remember that but you’re probably right — you have a freakishly good memory.
I’ve realized that I cherish little things that people have given me. They mean a lot to me. To me the things signify how they feel about me. Probably she was much dearer to me than I was to her. I’m OK with that.
My late husband‘s ex girlfriend bought me a mug with silly cat faces and my initial on it in tabby , I use it every day. To me it’s like a hug from someone who cares very much about me.
That’s my positive spin on what you’re feeling.
You have every right to be miffed, ticked, unhappy with how this guy has acted. Absolutely. But, this guy might not have the self-realization ability to take accountability of what he’s done. People love to throw around narcissist and other terms like that, but in reality people live very much in their moments and don’t think, just react. I can’t tell you how many times my dad sat me down as a child and told me that the good Lord gave me a brain for a reason, and that I was not using it to the best of my abilities. So my taught me to think before I react.
I know you wanna let this guy have it but really, all that will happen is it’ll blow back onto you because he’ll run around and talk about how awful it was that you did X Y or Z, so take the high road. You know the truth.
I would compliment you on your excellent memory, but you are using that gift for evil instead of good. Holding onto these TINY slights and using them to justify being a jerkface to someone working through a loss is unacceptable in any religion. Period.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom
......you have a freakishly good memory.
***********That’s my positive spin on what you’re feeling.
You have every right to be miffed, ticked, unhappy with how this guy has acted. Absolutely. But, this guy might not have the self-realization ability to take accountability of what he’s done. People love to throw around narcissist and other terms like that, but in reality people live very much in their moments and don’t think, just react. I can’t tell you how many times my dad sat me down as a child and told me that the good Lord gave me a brain for a reason, and that I was not using it to the best of my abilities. So my taught me to think before I react.
I know you wanna let this guy have it but really, all that will happen is it’ll blow back onto you because he’ll run around and talk about how awful it was that you did X Y or Z, so take the high road. You know the truth.
As I said I won't let this guy "have it" during the mourning period. We are both Jewish so I won't violate the 30 day period of Schochiem (sp). Probably not for longer after that. That being said he is well aware of my gift of memory and used it to his advantage when he can't recall a legal matter on which we have worked.
Another example of my use of memory, not strictly letting someone "have it" was which a close friend, the one double my IQ. During a political conversation h started pontificating on some issue. I said "sounds like you read the January (2010) issue of Commentary real well. He then said "Jim, I'm beginning to hear some "conservative" things from you. I said, "Jim (also his first name), I'm scared to form an opinion on anything without reading Commentary and the Wall Street Journal." That is word for word what his father had said circa 1992 or so. He burst out hysterically laughing and said "did (my father) say that to you or did I tell you"? I tried to play dumb, but he said "you must have a fantastic memory." I was not quite letting him "have it" but I was saying in a nice way that what he was saying politically wasn't exactly original. He thought I would never pick up on that.
Another time, about two months after my wife married, in July 1991 we were in the Berkshires for the July 4 weekend. One of the days it rained (a rarity for that summer, which was basically one long heat wave from May to September), and we took a side trip to visit our old sleepaway camps, in my case Camp Greylock. I was driving up Route 8 at highway speeds, about 50 mph and hooked a hard left into my camp driveway. She asked when I had last been there and said "in 1972, as a visiting baseball player (from another camp). She said she hadn't realized how good my memory was. I see nothing wrong with keeping friends and colleagues somewhat on their guard; I have a long nose for male cattle manure.
But why do it at all? You haven't answered why you think starting a probably-longterm battle with him is a desirable work environment for anyone (or why you're confident you will "win" in the eyes of management and your coworkers).
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, I use it every day. To me it’s like a hug from someone who cares very much about me. 
Solly says — Be nice!
