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But why do it at all? You haven't answered why you think starting a probably-longterm battle with him is a desirable work environment for anyone (or why you're confident you will "win" in the eyes of management and your coworkers).
You don't need to be a doormat to coexist with irritating people OP. You can pick your battles and choose not to let them get under your skin. Different strategy.
Yes, but that portion of context is true of many many people who don't feel the need to keep everyone they know on tenterhooks!
"Somewhat on guard" is not "tenterhooks." The fact that I am a litigating attorney keeps most non-attorneys "somewhat on guard" since I can ask targeted questions.
The proper Golden Rule is "don't do unto others what would be hateful to you."
Your overall grudge-carrying attitude makes me think you've been hanging on to this for 25 years just waiting for a sad occasion to come up for this guy so you could finally repay him. And now you're dithering around! So, either $%&^ or get off the pot, as they say. Either give as good as you got or just get past it - you're wallowing doubly in terms of carrying this around and then wanting to be nasty and not doing it. And your proclivity toward over-precisness actually reads as defensiveness in this case (regarding "tenterhooks").
You've given way too much energy to this - how close are you to retirement? I think I'd suggest moving that up.
Actually I'm not close to making up my mind. I am reading what people say. I put that post and poll together in a hurry.
Most are recommending I take the high road and I likely will. What I may do is a straddle; take the high road for now but at some point, when he's next in tears over his legal battle, tell him he has gotten a lot of leeway from a lot of people, which isn't always reciprocated. This would be not less than thirty days down the road, after the traditional mourning period passes.
Traditional mourning period? Traditional in Jewish, Hindu, and "Victorian times" has been 12 months for a parent. I know we tend to think of that period for a spouse and less for a parent nowadays but since you refer to "traditional" then I'd hope you abide by that. For most, waiting that long would naturally allow for a cooling off and then no action on your part but given your memory, it may not.
You don't need to be a doormat to coexist with irritating people OP. You can pick your battles and choose not to let them get under your skin. Different strategy.
OP has clearly chosen to live a sad, tit-for-perceived-tat life. His loss.
OP, brag all you want about your awesome memory. You are using it to make your life smaller and meaner. Such a waste.
The OP has taken his profession, litigating attorney in an adversarial legal system, as his way of life. The OP apparently seems everything and everyone as an adversary to be controlled or manipulated.
The OP is within his rights not to forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness; however, that does not condone being mean and hateful to that person.
I think you're overthinking this. Just do what is expected in a professional environment and move on.
Exactly. No more/No less. What happened years ago is history. As long as the co-worker doesn't attempt to dump their work load on the OP while they take time off....it's all good.
(Makes me glad I never had to work with the same people everyday. If I didn't like someone I only had to see them once maybe twice a week. And I never workrf in the same room with them.)
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You don't need to be a doormat to coexist with irritating people OP. You can pick your battles and choose not to let them get under your skin. Different strategy.
