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Oh, I certainly didn't want you to get the impression that I thought your child sounded slow or anything like that, no. I just wanted to let you know about the kindergarten screening - but that sounds like it won't be an issue for another year, anyway.
Broadly speaking, Preschool has become Kindergarten, Kindergarten has become first grade. Both my boys (11 and 6) struggled in kindergarten because they were expected to sit and be quiet and do all sorts of things that 15 years ago we would NEVER expect from a 5 year old.
This was true in other states, and in speaking with many of my friends around the US, it is common everywhere. I can't speak for your personal struggle with the schools but I can offer one word of advice....
Hold your son out of Kindergarten until he is 6 or very nearly 6 years old (I don't know his birth date)
that extra year of growing up time and maturity will give him the mental social, and physical abilities required of most any kindergarten you send him to. It is perfectly legal to do so, and will make the transition to school so much smoother.
As for preschools have you looked into finding home care somewhere? A stay at home mom with kids around your sons age who will watch him during the day?
Hello Thinking,
I know that what you wrote is true. There is a frantic rushing of kids to get quicker "somewhere" - which literally kills their childhoods. It bothers me. And you know why? Because this is not the kind of issue where you say "I'll just do things my way and let everyone else do things their way, what do I care?". Well, I care - because if "everyone else" keeps kids in the house drilling them on how to be competitive in the brave new world, who the heck are my kids going to run around with?
Because really, if the neighborhood is dead, there's no draw to be out there.
Yes, you bet I will keep my son away from kindergarden until close to 6. It actually works out that way with his birth date. If he had turned 5 right in time, I would have held him back anyway. "Back" is good. :-)
Home care?
Uhhh, well....I am basically at home, even though I DO work online.
But you know what is the ONLY actual reason why he goes to preschool 3 hours a day/3 days a week? So he will get to see some children other than his sister and just get a change of pace.
Otherwise, he would be completely isolated at all times. As I said, neighborhood is dead, we don't know anybody, I wasn't going to skip preschool. At least it's a place for him to go to be around other kids - even if I know the way they interact there is not exactly what I have in mind. I have seen way too many instances where kids are physically "together" yet they act apart. They fail to "connect", in almost autistic ways.
My son is an extremely social child, at least by the standards of the American culture. He grew up surrounded by people from my family, all from a very collective culture, where people are highly focused on one another and less so on the "self". He just loves to converse with others!
But I have seen him many times trying to break the ice with various kids and running against a wall of self-absorption, as the kids in question were barely aware of their surroundings, let alone of my son's attempts to communicate with them.
Other than that, he does seem to talk about some kids he plays with at preschool, so I hope he's at least getting SOME interaction out of the ...not little money we're paying every month...so that he can... play with kids. Those best things in life are no longer free.
Oh, I certainly didn't want you to get the impression that I thought your child sounded slow or anything like that, no. I just wanted to let you know about the kindergarten screening - but that sounds like it won't be an issue for another year, anyway.
Oh, I know you didn't mean it that way! But hey, truth is HE IS slow with the fine motor skills. He holds the pen like it's a spider web.
(Before anyone attempts "the outrage", disclaimer: no, I am not letting my son know what I think about his writing skills, not even subconsciously, no damage done for life to his "self". I am darn conscious. He gets warm encouragements and healthy exposure, nothing else).
"Playing outside" is almost unheard of these days because moms work. That sums it up. The kids are gone, even throughout the summer, from 6am until 6pm.
One of the criteria we're looking at now that we're ready to buy is single income households. The neighborhoods we've boiled it down to have a higher incidence of this. When both parents are killing themselves working full time, they are usually passing that type of mentality to their kids "Do more, be more, work more". Ironically though, the kids who do the best in school are those that have a relaxed home environment and have parents (two) that show up for their school assemblies and show an interest in their schoolwork that isn't "do, do, do".
I'm not talking about single parent households - I'm talking two parents. They aren't working to "put food on the table" - very few two income households are. They are working to buy another LCD TV, Wii, have two late model cars, give their 7 year olds a cell phone, etc.
It's rough out there, but luckily it seems that the generation behind us is holding off on having kids period, rather than having kids and using them/treating them as just another accessory, another accomplishment.
By "Home Care" I don't mean you. I mean another stay at home parent. Many women take in another child and care for them a few hours a day, I did it for several years myself. It was great, my children learned to play with other kids and have playmates and a social life. There are also what they call "play dates" where your child will go to another childs home for several hours, and then on another day that child will come to yours and play. What I'm trying to say is that you have many options outside of preschool.
"Playing outside" is almost unheard of these days because moms work. That sums it up. The kids are gone, even throughout the summer, from 6am until 6pm.
Partially true. Except that this argument only holds so much water.
If the mom working is the main factor explaining the complete absence of kids playing outside in the neighborhood, then why aren't they outside after 6 pm at least? Oh yeah - homework. But I thought homework was done in school, if the kid gets home at 6pm. Wait: MORE homework.
Why aren't they outside EVER, week-ends included?
Besides, preschoolers rarely stay in an institution until 6pm. Moms usually have some kind of after-school arrangements when the kid is at home, with a baby-sitter, or she gets out of work earlier, etc.
Why isn't the baby sitter or whoever instructed to get the kids out?
Moreover, why do I see so many mothers who DO NOT work (or only work part-time) and they STILL don't get the kids out?
My neighbor is one example. She is one house away, she is at home, and her kids are just NEVER OUTSIDE. I've often been outside with my kids, passing by her house, with my son longing for her kids to be out so he can play with them. But I'll tell you what I see: her car coming in and out, usually from the gym (where moms go regularly so they can look 30 when they reach 60), shopping, or some other place where SHE needs to go. The kids are dragged with her accordingly.
We greet, say hello, she is nice, I am nice - but that's it.
My question remains: why are those kids NEVER outside, even though she is not at work? The answer is so much deeper than "moms working".
I grew up in a society where ALL MOTHERS were forced to work, no way around it. But neighborhoods were overflowing with kids going crazy playing outside in the afternoon hours. When there is a will, there is a way. The trouble is the will is no longer there, because we have all been regimented into the infernal techno-commercial machine and we all got used to sub-mediocre levels of well-being, with anxiety, insecurities, stress, isolation and a constant state of rush-rush. We take this state for granted and we all believe that it is normal for life to be a B***h and then we die.
I do agree though that the two-income family is often (not always!) geared towards vain goals, including personal success, keeping up with the Jones-es in material terms, etc. It is definitely not good for kids, as far as I have seen.
By "Home Care" I don't mean you. I mean another stay at home parent. Many women take in another child and care for them a few hours a day, I did it for several years myself. It was great, my children learned to play with other kids and have playmates and a social life. There are also what they call "play dates" where your child will go to another childs home for several hours, and then on another day that child will come to yours and play. What I'm trying to say is that you have many options outside of preschool.
Well, I didn't think of in home care as an alternative to preschool as we don't know anybody in the area, let alone someone who would even have such an arrangement. And I wasn't going to put him in someone else's home to be cared for daily, if I am at home myself, be it working online. Besides we have had family visiting with us and we've almost always had someone else in the house to help me with the kids.
As for play dates, didn't I mention I tried to set them up through moms at preschool, neighbors, etc - and they all remained in the "planning" stage, no materialization yet?
One of the criteria we're looking at now that we're ready to buy is single income households. The neighborhoods we've boiled it down to have a higher incidence of this.
By the way, would you care to share the method whereby you boiled it down? How do you find out which neighborhoods have lots of single income families? Boy, I hardly ever see anyone outside, let alone be able to ask people who has a single-earner family and who doesn't?
Seriously, I'd be interested to know how you do this as we would like to be in such an environment too.
The kid knows his letters fine. He is fluently bilingual and sure as heck not a "slow" kid. Actually, yeah - he's "slow" in fine motor skills. He's always been as he was born with congenital torticolis which at least partially affected his sense of balance, etc.
He writes his name now but that's because I pushed and he had no choice.
But this is not the point. My point is that there SHOULD NOT be such emphasis on such preoccupations so early on. I just resent being dragged into this techno-commercial machine that won't spare even 3-4 yo-s. But what am I saying - babies themselves are all drowning in a sea of letters, wherever they turn. I really think 4 yo-s should have no business trying to write "book titles".
Yes, he does other things at preschool too but I am not there every minute to see what exactly is being done and what is emphasized, and how. Has he made friends? I guess so. He talks about x,y and z - but then again, I am not there to WATCH the interaction. After all, they get to see their friends at preschool for 3 hours, when the parents are not there - but they cannot set up their own play dates for free play. When I attempted a few of those moves, they failed. The mothers "sweetly" responded that that would be such a great thing to do "sometimes, but it never materialized. I mean, I don't think you need to wait for a half a year so the kid can have a darn play date set up. But I am not going to go back with repeated requests for play dates either, if those moms didn't act on the first one.
He won't go to kindergarten in the fall as he will miss the deadline by 10 days. It is obviously OK by us, setting aside the additional expense.
As for having a hard time, we are not shocked as we had anticipated the difficulties in adjustment overall. I am just not that very pleasantly surprised with what we found in the neighborhood/school environment.
As a teacher, I can sympathize with your experiences. I currently teach middle school, but I have taught elementary school as well.
When I first started teaching, over 15 years ago, it was quite normal for the second grade students I was teaching to be in very different places at the start of the year. Years of research had indicated that this was all perfectly normal and that a discrepancy as much as +/- 24 months was normal.
A few years ago, when my son entered kindergarten, we attended the parent/teacher conference 1 month after school started. The teacher said that they were concerned because my son's writing was not in-line with the expectations for a K-2 student (Kindergarten, second month). His sentences were not detailed enough in the teacher's opinion as she referenced state-related mastery expectations.
Kindergarten was designed as a child's exploratory environment and a key place for learning social, listening, and organization skills. In my opinion, some educational "experts" have lost their minds and forgotten all about what it is like to be a child. All too often the "experts" have only spent a minimal amount of time actually teaching in the classroom.
It is no wonder that many kids are completely turned off, tuned out, and discouraged by middle school.
Last edited by Lincolnian; 03-01-2010 at 06:29 PM..
Have you considered that Lynnfield may not be actually uptight? By enrolling your son in preschool, you may have exposed yourself to the subgroup of residents whose children need earlier academic enrichment. I am sure that there are plenty of people who do not enroll their kids in preschools.
I understand your perceived need to enroll your son - he needs the socialization that comes with it. But for people who have been in the area longer, they have a network of potential play dates already. Things will be easier for you and your son once the soccer season starts - make sure to sign him up!
As someone who moved here from anther state, I would suggest that you not to rush into judgments about your neighbors or fellow churchgoers. Everyone has his/her own priorities, those do not have to be yours.
So the main point I am making is that you will find like-minded people soon in your neighborhood, and those who seem odd to you may actually be okay if you give them a chance.
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