Is it my imagination, or has dating/romance become impossibly hard in New York City? (Alexander: moving, design)

[Moderate Guy]

Originally Posted by kovert

Miles, are you really this depressing even when you're offline? Seriously man if so, you've got to change your attitude. Self-confidence will open the door to a whole new reality.

Okay buddy. Sorry to be depressing as vs. depressed.

[kovert]

Originally Posted by Miles

Okay buddy. Sorry to be depressing as vs. depressed.

You've probably heard this before and probably thought it was a bunch of crap like I once did but its true. How you feel about yourself is how people will feel about you. A guy with average (or even below average) looks can pull plenty of chicks (and yes hot chicks) if he is funny, knows hold to hold a conversation, street smart.

You should check out the Pick Up Artist.

[Indi9]

rlrl, sometimes a soul mate relationship (not necessarily the soul mate him- or herself) can help or inspire a person to change those aspects of him- or herself that can be changed and to accept and even come to love those aspects of the self that cannot be changed, or might take some time to change. This is my experience, anyway. I my case, for example, I have a dicey immune system and moderate chemical sensitivities or type two allergies. Before I met my last romantic soul mate I had internalized a lot of seriously oppressive ideas about people with chronic illnesses. Whereas I saw myself at the time as a poor, unfortunate, beautiful, creative heroine in a movie (of her own making) who tragically would never be loved by anyone again (ha), he saw simply a woman, a poet, etc. who needed to believe in herself again and stop being such a caretaker. A major turning point came for us/me in the early, getting-to-know-you stage of our relationship, the day he whispered to me between sets at an open mic I was hosting, "I'm not afraid of messy." Melted my heart and my artificial protective walls, which he saw right past. Without becoming a stalker, lol, he ignored my proverbial "keep off the grass" sign. Within weeks, I had to return the favor. I know I've mentioned this before, but while leaving the dance floor at a salsa club in the Village he asked my why I was with him. He didn't see himself as good-looking. I whispered to him in my sexiest yet most sincere voice, "For very selfish reasons." He got it. He was shocked at first, but then he laughs and translates, "Oh, you like how I make you feel?" Yepper. I also liked that he reflected me back positively, even when I was struggling with an issue. Ditto on my part. So, it's not like we were there together intentionally trying to "fix" each other. That's how you kill a relationship. We were just so honest with each other, in a loving and respectful way, that we both naturally grew, blossomed really, by letting go of certain attitudes and behaviors that were not conducive to the growth of our respective selves and our mutual relationship.

[Moderate Guy]

Originally Posted by kovert

You've probably heard this before and probably thought it was a bunch of crap like I once did but its true. How you feel about yourself is how people will feel about you. A guy with average (or even below average) looks can pull plenty of chicks (and yes hot chicks) if he is funny, knows hold to hold a conversation, street smart.

You should check out the Pick Up Artist.

Thanks for the pointers, fella. I'm on my way to get a new toupee, reset these old teeth, get rid of this 80's Volkswagen Beetles, upgrade my wardrobe from the 80's, finally subscribe to cable, buy a cell, and replace these bulldog shoes.

Look out ladies, here I come!

[Indi9]

Miles... lol If you don't mind me saying, I hope you will just continue being yourself and growing and changing when, and only if, it suits you to do so. I'm sure kovert means well, but I know you know that this is your life, your precious personality, etc. to do what you will with. And if you become a PUA (ewww), you might lose more than you have gained, imho. What will you have gained if you pick up a lot of chicks but lose your very soul?

[Moderate Guy]

Originally Posted by Indi9

What will you have gained if you pick up a lot of chicks but lose your very soul?

Ahhhh indi, who needs a soul?

[Indi9]

Ahhhh Miles, I think we all have such ridiculously beautiful souls. Some lucky woman is going to see yours one day and have the guts to relate to you in real time.

[bmwguydc]

Indi, I agree that a soul mate can be a factor of a time/place, but what I have noticed is that I sometimes tend to have repetitive soul mates. There are times that one runs back into the same people, though happenstance, and I cannot ascertain whether or not it is a cosmic joke, or if it is that another connection was necessary. That has made me wonder about the concept, since it has happened to me with more than one person, over a space of a couple of years. Perhaps it's a form of synchronicity that we're surrounded by those with whom we are most comfortable, even if a period has ended, allowing a second or third phase to begin. It's just interesting, since even in a city as large as NYC, it's sometimes difficult to avoid.

[Moderate Guy]

Originally Posted by Indi9

Some lucky woman is going to see yours one day and have the guts to relate to you in real time.

That beautiful thought makes the unfettered baring of my soul here on citydata worth it all. I've even just now activated the Allow Direct Mail function of my profile.

[Indi9]

bmwguydc, yes. I have had this experience so often. I tend to think of it as synchronicity--meaning that it's all in synch--that I am running into my soul mate again for yet another teaching-learning experience which may or may not be romantic. Some say that once the romance wears off then yet another drama-free layer of learning or growth can take place. I have found this to be true, if only to reaffirm why we cannot be together as lovers or, at best I think, some new lesson to learn. The guy I was describing before came back into my life over and over again, even after we were not a couple--once to teach me the Alexander technique, another time to show me and to point out to me that some of my "fans" and fellow[sic] artists were not true friends, and on his end to learn that just because someone loves you it does not mean that he or she will necessarily want to get into the same activties or groups you are into. Oh well... I think you get the pic.