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according to you if there is a woman on my job who i am interested in but the other guys on the job make more $$$ than me, then she should instead be interested in them than me because after all, they are more 'famous" and "powerful" than me even if they chewed me up and spit me out and walked all over me years ago to get where they are today, right???
after all, this is what the american dream is all about right? home family yard, teach your kids right and wrong, except it's OK that their dad walked all over and chewed up and spit out their co-worker so their dad can be successful!!!
Money is a means to an end for some, but those who seek it for its own sake in a marriage can end up with a rude awakening or on their own. Many women, not girls who are playing grown up, but women, have their own money today, or they could care less about money in and of itself. Above a certain level, money is not really necessary if there is a stronger, deeper bond that exists between a couple.
Would it interest some to know that there are people who come from money who downplay it so as not to have this happen where they will be sought out only for their money? It happens, and more often than people think. So, it's not all about money, save for the wannabee nouveau riche culture that needs bling and a blingtastic Escalade to show that they have a few dollars.
Money can NEVER buy happiness, it can buy distractions that attempt to fill a void, but that, too, is fleeting. In a romantic relationship, it can set up a mechanism whereby there is a charge between the two people, even if it's subconscious. Money issues are not only about not having enough of it, since there are issues even when there's an abundance if it is a union that has inherent flaws. It is very possible for one to have all the toys, a supposedly fantastic life, and it's a mechanism to deflect the emptiness felt in the heart when there's no special person in their life, even if they are married or dating someone of whom others are envious. It's a facade, since the reality is that the money is the mechanism that attracted the person to them, and it's a very subtle form of using another as a means to an end.
A relationship needs equals, and I do not mean in a wealth sense, since if one partner has a few million and the other makes $20k a year, it does not matter if the union is for the right reasons. The money situation in that relationship equals itself out, balancing the two, and allowing comfort and the ability for a couple to grow in a relationship that is based upon sound principles. It's never the quantative measure of assets that measures the true worth of a person, despite outward appearances to the contrary.
Last edited by bmwguydc; 01-19-2009 at 10:15 PM..
Reason: typo
Money is a means to an end for some, but those who seek it for its own sake in a marriage can end up with a rude awakening or on their own. Many women, not girls who are playing grown up, but women, have their own money today, or they could care less about money in and of itself. Above a certain level, money is not really necessary if there is a stronger, deeper bond that exists between a couple.
Would it interest some to know that there are people who come from money who downplay it so as not to have this happen where they will be sought out only for their money? It happens, and more often than people think. So, it's not all about money, save for the wannabee nouveau riche culture that needs bling and a blingtastic Escalade to show that they have a few dollars.
Money can NEVER buy happiness, it can buy distractions that attempt to fill a void, but that, too, is fleeting. In a romantic relationship, it can set up a mechanism whereby there is a charge between the two people, even if it's subconscious. Money issues are not only about not having enough of it, since there are issues even when there's an abundance if it is a union that has inherent flaws. It is very possible for one to have all the toys, a supposedly fantastic life, and it's a mechanism to deflect the emptiness felt in the heart when there's no special person in their life, even if they are married or dating someone of whom others are envious. It's a facade, since the reality is that the money is the mechanism that attracted the person to them, and it's a very subtle form of using another as a means to an end.
A relationship needs equals, and I do not mean in a wealth sense, since if one partner has a few million and the other makes $20k a year, it does not matter if the union is for the right reasons. The money situation in that relationship equals itself out, balancing the two, and allowing comfort and the ability for a couple to grow in a relationship that is based upon sound principles. It's never the quantative measure of assets that measures the true worth of a person, despite outward appearances to the contrary.
help me out here. there is a girl on my job who i like but i once heard her say "he'd better have the money"(meaning a potential partner)
since i make less than the guys upstairs shouldn't i direct her upstairs to where the "real "men are, tuna?
i mean, she shouldn't be modest about her golddigging intentions should she? she shouldn't tell a guy like me "yeah i like your sensitivity and intelligence" when secretly she admires cuthroat competitiveness to bring home more bacon and put more food on the table, right? she should be more honest about her intentions, go upstairs and say, "listen fellas, i think you should cut as many throats as possible and chew up and spit out as many people as possible so you can marry me and put me in mints and jewels"
Money is a means to an end for some, but those who seek it for its own sake in a marriage can end up with a rude awakening or on their own. Many women, not girls who are playing grown up, but women, have their own money today, or they could care less about money in and of itself. Above a certain level, money is not really necessary if there is a stronger, deeper bond that exists between a couple.
Would it interest some to know that there are people who come from money who downplay it so as not to have this happen where they will be sought out only for their money? It happens, and more often than people think. So, it's not all about money, save for the wannabee nouveau riche culture that needs bling and a blingtastic Escalade to show that they have a few dollars.
Money can NEVER buy happiness, it can buy distractions that attempt to fill a void, but that, too, is fleeting. In a romantic relationship, it can set up a mechanism whereby there is a charge between the two people, even if it's subconscious. Money issues are not only about not having enough of it, since there are issues even when there's an abundance if it is a union that has inherent flaws. It is very possible for one to have all the toys, a supposedly fantastic life, and it's a mechanism to deflect the emptiness felt in the heart when there's no special person in their life, even if they are married or dating someone of whom others are envious. It's a facade, since the reality is that the money is the mechanism that attracted the person to them, and it's a very subtle form of using another as a means to an end.
A relationship needs equals, and I do not mean in a wealth sense, since if one partner has a few million and the other makes $20k a year, it does not matter if the union is for the right reasons. The money situation in that relationship equals itself out, balancing the two, and allowing comfort and the ability for a couple to grow in a relationship that is based upon sound principles. It's never the quantative measure of assets that measures the true worth of a person, despite outward appearances to the contrary.
Thank you for this post, bmwguydc. Well written and, imo and my experience. so very true. A relationship of equal partners would never be based on net "worth." Could it be that in these oh so modern times we still have a critical mass (if not a majority) of people who see marriages or relationships as business deals (financial mergers)--as they did in the olden days?
For me it keeps coming back to the necessity of taking the time to get to know the person. I was young and impulsive back when I got married--and very tired of "the dating game." I married a man who I believe loved me and valued my intelligence and creativity. He also thought I was beautiful. Go figure. I believed that love could conquer all things. When my ex and I married, he was fresh out of grad school, and money was not a big issue--or so I thought. At our best, we were a team when it came to our academic studies and work-related goals. At our worst, we just did not see eye to eye when it came to love, spirituality, and ethics. It wasn't until after we married that I discovered that I had married a man whose ambitiousness and eternal quest for power, prestige, and financial control outweighed his love for his wife. It wasn't until after we married that this poor guy discovered that I couldn't care less about these things, that even though I was good at the academic and artistic work that I love to this day, I was never in it for the money, power, or prestige. Definitely not a match made in heaven, but I think a powerful lesson for us both.
intelligent and insightful posts from bmw and indie to stop me from going off the deep end. and i will admit wholeheartedly that when i read indie's posts i will say "yes, women have got the edge on men in the wisdom department as well as many other areas of life"
Thank you, rlrl--with much humility. Just lessons or wisdom hard-won. Truthfully, I think that both men and women, in general, possess much wisdom--often in different areas. In the best of relationships, both figure out how to create a living, breathing synergy.
For many of us this day will go down in history as the beginning of a new era. But I sincerely believe that change begins within. The nation, let alone the world, will not change much until we all evolve into the loving, fairminded human beings I believe can be. How we treat one another on a day to day basis is where it all begins, imho. Hope I don't sound too preachy here, but these are my thoughts.
I am happy to be able to share my perspective as well, rlrl. It can seem at times in a big, impersonal city, such as our own beloved New York, that superficiality has won the war in romantic pursuits, but the value and measure of such unions plummet in perceived value, leading to their own demise, even if the partners stay together.
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so tuna
