Is it my imagination, or has dating/romance become impossibly hard in New York City? (fence, move)
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help me out here. there is a girl on my job who i like but i once heard her say "he'd better have the money"(meaning a potential partner)
since i make less than the guys upstairs shouldn't i direct her upstairs to where the "real "men are, tuna?
i mean, she shouldn't be modest about her golddigging intentions should she? she shouldn't tell a guy like me "yeah i like your sensitivity and intelligence" when secretly she admires cuthroat competitiveness to bring home more bacon and put more food on the table, right? she should be more honest about her intentions, go upstairs and say, "listen fellas, i think you should cut as many throats as possible and chew up and spit out as many people as possible so you can marry me and put me in mints and jewels"
Every woman is different. Her idea of "He'd better have money" could just mean he cant be broke. Why would you direct her upstairs? At the end of the day, theres always someone richer than you. Also you might have other qualities that are more desirable to her than the other guys. I doubt she would get many takers if she straight came out and said that. However, women will communicate those needs by saying they would like stability and security, a man with a good job, an ambitious guy, a guy that can provide for her and their future kids, etc. Im not saying money is the only important thing or that it makes the relationship, but it is important and women recognize that.
So I just have to say for those who are alone, it's really much better to be lonely while you're single and alone, than to be LONELY IN A RELATIONSHIP. So many people who are single really want someone, and that is understandable, but it seriously is much, much better to be alone and happy with yourself than miserable with someone else. =)
This post yesterday by jax hit home so much to me personally in its poignancy and breathtaking accuracy that I just had to re-visit and re-read it one more time.
Indeed, sometimes we are so lonely when we have no lover or significant other that we can easily feel that any relationship is better than none. Quite the contrary for some of us. If one ends up with a partner for whom one is not a good fit or vice versa, the torment and misery can be incalculable. The fights, the tension, the despair can create a loneliness that one must bear all by oneself. This applies to marriages gone awry, as well as non-marital relationships where the two parties are living together.
If one tries to share one's despair with others, many times one is cast aside as someone needing to work harder on the relationship, or someone who must have a relationship deficiency, or one is characterized as being a party at fault in some form or fashion. This creates a feeling of isolation as when one tries to reach out to another person for emotional support or even to share a conversation or a brief moment over a beverage or meal, the troubled lonely soul must deal with the confidant being scared away because one is presently in a relationship.
One ends up being all alone - until finally when the realization hits home that the relationship can never be salvaged, then you just have to pack your bags, cut your lossses, and move on - as tough as that can be emotionally and financially for all the time invested in the relationship.
I've been on both sides of the fence and I know that both are awful - being alone by oneself or being alone even when there's a significant other. Like jax, I find the former more bearable.
Wow, this debate is still going on? Yikes. Indi, after reading all these heartfelt posts from all of you folks, well, I have concluded that you were correct in the beginning. You should leave. You're not a New York type, and I don't mean that as an insult. You are way too earnest, too (as a Scorpio ex was told by her shrink) "emotionally meticulous," for this kind of place. Go to Northern California, Sonoma County, maybe. More chance of running into kindred spirits there. But here, well, folks may just take you as a misfit who has an irony deficiency, though you've clearly been around the block.
Wow, this debate is still going on? Yikes. Indi, after reading all these heartfelt posts from all of you folks, well, I have concluded that you were correct in the beginning. You should leave. You're not a New York type, and I don't mean that as an insult. You are way too earnest, too (as a Scorpio ex was told by her shrink) "emotionally meticulous," for this kind of place. Go to Northern California, Sonoma County, maybe. More chance of running into kindred spirits there. But here, well, folks may just take you as a misfit who has an irony deficiency, though you've clearly been around the block.
Totally disagree. As a longtime New Yorker, I do not subscribe to the notion that Indi will be taken as "a misfit with an iron deficiency."
From a thorough review of her posts and those of others who are seeking a romantic, caring, loving relationship in the Big Apple, readers who face the same challenges in a high-density, anonymous environment can well relate and many do indeed experience similar circumstances.
Any deficiency that exists, in my opinion, would be on the part of those who feel that life is all about a fast buck, disposable romance, and quickie sex.
And while I'm philosophizing, hey, rlrl, you're a smart guy, but you sound kind of numb. All I can say, is what are you waiting for? Jump in and see what happens. But unless you've got some outstanding real-world attribute outside of sensitivity, twentysomething gals aren't likely to fall in a big way for a fortysomething guy. A passing thing is about all one could hope for there. I've watched a couple of friends go down the road to childless late middle age that way ... and it might be fine, I don't know, but it's no accident.
Or you could do what I and many others have done, blunder into something that's right in enough ways, fumble around, reproduce, enjoy the ups, endure the downs ... and live with the doubts. Sure, my life may slowly be turning into a cross between "Something Happened" and "American Beauty," but it's all experience, I suppose. Better to feel something than nothing, I tell myself!
Miles, that's irony deficiency. And hey, you can't stand the thought of indi packing up the moving van and heading west, can you? If only my scorpio ex had done that ...
Miles, that's irony deficiency. And hey, you can't stand the thought of indi packing up the moving van and heading west, can you? If only my scorpio ex had done that ...
LOL... irony vs iron..well the irony is that one has to have nerves of steel and iron to find longlasting tender love and joy with the right partner, here in NYC or in Timbuktu.
Ah, Indi leave town when we still have to meet at the next CD meetup?! Have a heart, Keith, don't send her packing to California. Try Florida - at least I can meet here there on my winter retreat..
Sorry to rain on yer parade, Miles. Now if indi were to show at a CD meetup, I'd almost consider turning up. But I couldn't in good conscience, as love consiglieri, advise her or anyone to move to Florida! After all, though I'm no degreed and pedigreed professional, I have stayed at Holiday Inn Express in 47 of the lower 48.
Wow, guys. Thanks for the debate. Just when I thought my thread was dying a natural death or fading out.
True confessions: My earnestness, as keith talent put it, (my ability to be real, intense, honest, etc.) has enabled me to fit in just fine in NYC--on the stage, on the mic, in the classroom, and on the page. People like the fact I am "deep" (whatever, lol)--and supposedly "sweet" and "classy-sexy" (not obvious and only with the right person). I often have huge groups of people eating out of my caring hands as a performer and a host, hanging onto to my words and in turn blessing me with theirs, and flirting with me after gigs, in the shops, in diners, and on the streets. But here's the rub (ah, the cruel irony): When it comes to interpersonal relationships of the romantic variety, I am often told that I am too much, too deep. Here in NYC, I mean. In Madison, Wisconsin this is a gift, a must. In NYC, many (thankfully not all...whew...ok!) consider this to be a deficit or, yes keith, a sign that I might just be an extraterrestrial.
My plan is to move to Madison, Wisconsin in August--if all goes well--and maintain my ties in NYC. Cracked my sister up when I told her I've got my life backwards, that I am in the process of rearranging my life because I should be living in Madison and making frequent trips to NYC, where I have a few close life-long soul friends and creative partners, and creative projects (performing and being interviewed in a documentary film about the NYC underground poetry scene, the offer of a recording deal, and the recent submission of a book manuscript that may fly). Plus I haven't met Miles yet. Ya know what I'm sayin'?
Wow, guys. Thanks for the debate. Just when I thought my thread was dying a natural death or fading out.
True confessions: My earnestness, as keith talent put it, (my ability to be real, intense, honest, etc.) has enabled me to fit in just fine in NYC--on the stage, on the mic, in the classroom, and on the page. People like the fact I am "deep" (whatever, lol)--and supposedly "sweet" and "classy-sexy" (not obvious and only with the right person). I often have huge groups of people eating out of my caring hands as a performer and a host, hanging onto to my words and in turn blessing me with theirs, and flirting with me after gigs, in the shops, in diners, and on the streets. But here's the rub (ah, the cruel irony): When it comes to interpersonal relationships of the romantic variety, I am often told that I am too much, too deep. Here in NYC, I mean. In Madison, Wisconsin this is a gift, a must. In NYC, many (thankfully not all...whew...ok!) consider this to be a deficit or, yes keith, a sign that I might just be an extraterrestrial.
My plan is to move to Madison, Wisconsin in August--if all goes well--and maintain my ties in NYC. Cracked my sister up when I told her I've got my life backwards, that I am in the process of rearranging my life because I should be living in Madison and making frequent trips to NYC, where I have a few close life-long soul friends and creative partners, and creative projects (performing and being interviewed in a documentary film about the NYC underground poetry scene, the offer of a recording deal, and the recent submission of a book manuscript that may fly). Plus I haven't met Miles yet. Ya know what I'm sayin'?
Oh Indi......First, you absolutely have to give me your autograph.....and seal it with a kiss!
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Ya know what I'm sayin'?
