Is it my imagination, or has dating/romance become impossibly hard in New York City? (health, rated)
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Yes, jax. I am happy for you and grateful for your post. I've been there, too. Glad I'm out of that situation. By posting your story and the lessons learned you have helped a lot of people who might be out there fantasizing that being in a relationship--any relationship--is better than being alone. Kudos.
But here's the rub (ah, the cruel irony): When it comes to interpersonal relationships of the romantic variety, I am often told that I am too much, too deep. Here in NYC, I mean. In Madison, Wisconsin this is a gift, a must. In NYC, many (thankfully not all...whew...ok!) consider this to be a deficit or, yes keith, a sign that I might just be an extraterrestrial.
My plan is to move to Madison, Wisconsin in August--if all goes well--and maintain my ties in NYC.
So, indi, are you from out there? Never heard a bad thing about that town, except from right-wing wacko posters on other totally unrelated Web boards. In fact, my mother and her mother both were Bucky Badger grads.
I'm also a land-grant university product and enjoyed my years out in that time zone. I could see living out there ... it would (for me) be kind of like a Greg Brown song, a house down by the pond where you can take a leak underneath the stars and all that. Guess your odds, at least, will be better there ... you may be more among your sort of people. Though not so many can deal with the intense, smoldering sex tension generated by the Scorpio female! I've trained myself to sidestep it, but it ain't easy.
And one last thought, apropos of nothing ... one good line I remember well from my Midwest education, from an English prof: You don't have to be solemn to be serious. Luck.
Last edited by keith talent; 01-22-2009 at 12:34 AM..
you may be more among your sort of people. Though not so many can deal with the intense, smoldering sex tension generated by the Scorpio female! I've trained myself to sidestep it, but it ain't easy.
And one last thought, apropos of nothing ... one good line I remember well from my Midwest education, from an English prof: You don't have to be solemn to be serious. Luck.
While I am in no position to conjecture on the accuarcy regarding the sexuality of the Scorpio female, I would like to point out that Indi's well-thought out and well-articulated thread title and her subsequent posts clearly were discussing the hurdles of pursuing good dating and romance relationships in the city.
While not directed at you, Keith, unfortunately many male posters have treated this thread as an opportunity to discuss sexual relationships only. In doing so, they have shifted the focus from the topic of the thread and at the same time helped to reinforce the unfortunate stereotype that most men's focus in a relationship is sexual only.
It is unfortunate, because for many men like me and I believe, like BMW, a good relationship with a caring woman is premised on emotion, sentiment, caring, romantic feelings, compatability, wanting to sacrifice for her, wanting to share your dreams, thoughts, passions with her and have her do the same with you.
Now, when the sexual aspect of the relationship gets in focus, there's so much going for it already that passionate sexuality is a natural consequence premised on love, caring, understanding.
Indi, RL, BMW, Jax all focused on the thread's title and have offered significant contributions toward understanding the logistics of navigating the NYC dating/romance scene. I do not believe that it is fair to characterize Indi's sentiments as being peculiar to her being an out of towner nor to believe that she has been solemn to the point that it has caused any logistical issues for her.
Indeed, many longtime residents of our beloved city do concur that while it is relatively easy in the Big Apple to satisfy primal instincts and to successfully pursue booty calls, it is challenging when one wishes to rise above that level and pursue that longlasting romantic relationship that distinguishes us as humans from the animal kingdom.
Honestly, guys, I am wondering where in my thread did I give the impression that I am having trouble attracting people or getting dates. Let me not mislead you. lol. That's not the problem. Miles nails it. What I find lacking in the NYC dating/romance scene is a certain amount of depth or sincerity (not to be mistaken for solemnity). Many people find me a fun person to be with, someone who balances her sense of humor with the ability to understand and discuss the deeper things of life and love. I don't think we should stereotype Scorpios. At the risk of steering this thread into the direction of spiritual astrology, let me share that while my sun and my moon are both in Scorpio, my north node is in Leo (think sunny disposition, light, laughter, vibrancy, romance, happiness, following one's bliss). I have my dark days just like anyone else, but I don't stay there. I deal with the issue at hand, get some clarity, and then move on. I don't know if this gives you a picture. Take what you can use, as they say. I'm thinking that since I have been unhappy with the dating/romance scene here--thus this thread--I may have given the impression that I am always overly serious or depressed.
Miles, you've read many of my threads and posts. Be honest. Is this how I come across? Gosh, I hope not. I don't think so. I actually asked one of the last guys I went out with why he is attracted to me. He said it was because when I came into the deli (where we met) I brought in a lot of positive energy. As I said before, when I was in the process of leaving my ex he said I was taking his sunshine away from him. So... What gives? How am I giving the impression that I would be a downer to be with, or that my smoldering sexuality would be something a guy would have "to get past?" Truthfully, I think that it's a matter of taste. Maybe anyone of any amount of depth, no matter how much fun she is to be with, would be too much for someone who is only looking for a fling.
Oh yes, about Madison. While I don't think Madison is necessarily for everyone, or that it is better than NYC. Let's just say that Madison (aka Mad City) is this wonderful (imo) medium-sized city in Wisconsin that is culturally vibrant, very liberal, and laid-back. It is surrounded by lakes and full of parks and other natural surroundings, yet many of the people there are intelligent, well-read, progressive, into the arts, etc. I lived there for six years and returned many times to take classes, to vacation, and to scope out the place for the possibility of moving back there. I find the people there to be friendly and yet respectful of boundaries and differences. Sure, you have some neocon or redneck types there. But you can find these kind of people anywhere, who deep down inside are scared to death of diversity and change. I think dating/romance works better for me there because people tend to be more sincere and because it is very hard to continually play games in a city this size, being that it is more communal. People there tend to be very straightfoward. If they like you, they like you. If a guy is interested in you, he let's you know. If a guy is only interested in a fling, does not want a relationship with you, or wants to date around, he lets you know. Probably because you will find out anyway. Women share the same prerogatives. Honesty is an expectation on both ends. These are generalities, of course. There will always be a few guys out there playing games. Women, too, for that matter. But that's not characteristic of the general culture. So, I feel free there. Happy, alive, free to be myself and speak my mind. Yes, even on a date. lol. A different world...
Still, there is something about NYC... lol It has been a great place for me to work on my career and to grow as an artist. I have met some truly great people here. So, I won't be burning any bridges. I am sure that after I leave I will be making frequent trips back to the Big Apple.
Miles, you've read many of my threads and posts. Be honest. Is this how I come across? Gosh, I hope not. I don't think so. I actually asked one of the last guys I went out with why he is attracted to me. He said it was because when I came into the deli (where we met) I brought in a lot of positive energy. As I said before, when I was in the process of leaving my ex he said I was taking his sunshine away from him. So... What gives? How am I giving the impression that I would be a downer to be with, or that my smoldering sexuality would be something a guy would have "to get past?" Truthfully, I think that it's a matter of taste. Maybe anyone of any amount of depth, no matter how much fun she is to be with, would be too much for someone who is only looking for a fling.
Indi, it is precisely to address the sentiments you just expressed that I made my earlier post today. You absolutely come across as a vibrant person - unlike me.
I do love NYC to death - all its beautiful five boroughs. I too may one day relocate (to Florida), but even then I'd like to maintain a home in NYC, if I can - for I know it is a unique city unlike any other in its offerings, its dynamics, its opportunities culturally, professionally, socially. I do however acknowledge the difficulties in finding those right romantic connections at differing points in life.
It is not that it's impossible. People find each other everyday. People live together, have lengthy relationships, get married. Yes, but sometimes finding that right connection at various points on one's timeline can be challenging. And we're not talking superficial romance/dating, booty calls, etc.
We're talking the type of relationship you so eloquently spelled out.
Last edited by Moderate Guy; 01-22-2009 at 10:14 AM..
I concur, Indi, people are missing the point if they're not reading your posts carefully, but then as you pointed out earlier, do people actually read before posting?
I concur, Indi, people are missing the point if they're not reading your posts carefully, but then as you pointed out earlier, do people actually read before posting?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indi9
bmwguydc, I concur. lol
Alright, you two, stop the cuddly concurring already!
Hey, I may not be successful in attaining that beautiful romance situation that Indi talks about, and I may always strike out in the technique sponsored by a celebrated LA guru, but I sure as hell can get jealous when a distinguished, eloquent, man like BMW moves in on my Scorpion soulmate!!!!!
Hey, indi, I'm sure nobody doubts you can handle yourself, far from it! I'm glad for you that you've figured out what may make you happy, too.
As for 'side-stepping' Scorpios, not to mention, oh boy, double Scorpios like yourself, well, it's a little tongue-in-cheek, of course! Funny thing, I picked up a little dating book at work last year that had some primary rules for women, they were something like this 1) No men who live with Mom; 2) No men who don't have a job; 3) can't recall, but painfully obvious; 4) No Scorpios!
Not sure whether the rule should apply to men, but I recall another little take on the subject that described the Scorpio woman as the one, if you cross her, or she thinks she's been crossed, will be outside your window at 2 a.m. shouting out to the whole neighborhood just exactly what sort of s@ck of s#it you are!
For whatever reason, I often find these women very alluring (perhaps because my poor Venus is in Scorpio) but because I'm otherwise a freedom-lovin and philosophic Archer, well, I've put myself on alert. Especially after my fun experience with a Scorpio ex, our child and the legal system.
That long, miserable experience led me to read up on the subject of astrology, just for any sort of clue. It may sound a little female, and totally illogical, but it's uncanny how well it seems to work in the real world.
For instance, after reading that Obama's famously hot-tempered chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, was born 2 weeks before me, I checked his birth wheel. Whew, what a setup ... moon, Mercury and Mars in Scorpio! And they say he takes no prisoners!
In my case, I read of a Sagg with a moon in Gemini that "there's a roguishness about you," and no doubt, it's a role I sometimes like to play.
But I wouldn't typecast you, indi! Or Miles! But like you might go to other locations for your sort of people, I might, for self-preservation, look to other regions of the old horoscope wheel. Cheers.
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