Estranged family members? (divorced, house, funeral, mother)
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I was very nice, too nice for my mother's family and they were always nasty to me. I've had problems with them my whole life and took their crap. Finally, I've had enough and am not nasty to them but just don't talk to them. Life is too short for such nonsense. Luckily, I have 2 children that see what I see with my family so they have no problems either with not talking to them. When I do see them like I did at my Uncle's funeral last week, I was polite and that was it. I really liked the Uncle that passed so I wanted to go to this funeral. You just have to decide if you want stability, peace and quiet in your life or chaos and drama. I chose stability since I couldn't deal with the drama anymore. Too much negative energy and I found that I wasn't growing as a person because I was too busy worrying about their behavior. It's very freeing to be out of that mess and I'm finding out about me and what I like or want to do in life. At first it's scary and you think you're being selfish but as you go on and can say "no", it gets so much easier and life gets so much better. Good luck!
For me, the fallout at first was painful and sometimes I do have my moments of being angry with them for being such azzwipes but then I get over it and remember all the crap that they cause and I get over it pretty good. It gets easier as time goes on. But it's hard to take up for yourself at first.
mine have been that we just stopped speaking for one reason or another and that was kind of it...i just try not to think about those people. sometimes they pop into my head and it makes me angry that things have to be this way, but i also couldn't take the constant stress of dealing with them.
with a couple of them, i just dont even know why we dont speak. maybe we grew apart? my family has a tendency to pretend like everything is fine, even when it's not---so then they get angry and never tell you why--they just stop speaking to you and then you are confused about what happened.
i have asked and their answer is something along the lines of "you never call/keep in touch" as if the phone and mail system only goes one way--from me to them.
some people just dont want to say what is really bothering them-nothing i can do. they dont want to speak to me, i cant force them. i just go on with my life as best i can.
I don't speak to my father (not for 20 years), nor my sister or one of my brothers. I never give them a thought. How do I cope? Perfectly well. The old adage, "blood is thicker than water" is pure tripe.
I was very nice, too nice for my mother's family and they were always nasty to me. I've had problems with them my whole life and took their crap. Finally, I've had enough and am not nasty to them but just don't talk to them. Life is too short for such nonsense. Luckily, I have 2 children that see what I see with my family so they have no problems either with not talking to them. When I do see them like I did at my Uncle's funeral last week, I was polite and that was it. I really liked the Uncle that passed so I wanted to go to this funeral. You just have to decide if you want stability, peace and quiet in your life or chaos and drama. I chose stability since I couldn't deal with the drama anymore. Too much negative energy and I found that I wasn't growing as a person because I was too busy worrying about their behavior. It's very freeing to be out of that mess and I'm finding out about me and what I like or want to do in life. At first it's scary and you think you're being selfish but as you go on and can say "no", it gets so much easier and life gets so much better. Good luck!
I only have the one brother and I no longer speak to him, his wife or their children..............because of money.
When I was involved with them, all they ever did was cry poor mouth and ask me to loan them money.........which I foolishly did. When they came into a little money and I asked them to repay some of the money they borrowed............well, no can do..........so that was the end of it all for me.
When I die, there will be a substantial estate.........and my brother and his family will never see a penny of it. My two best friends will be taken care of and the bulk of it is going to my local animal rescue group.
I feel so much better now...........like a heavy weight has been lifted.
I no longer cringe when the phone rings...........knowing I will be dragged into negativity and drama..........and asked for money.
I am also at peace knowing that the money I worked so hard to save will do good things and not be spent foolishly.
I just got in from having drinks with my parents, I haven't seen my dad since a funeral 5 & 1/2 years ago!
I don't feel like I had to "cope" with anything during the rift, I am fiercely independent & it was really a non-issue for me. Some people would fall apart, but we weren't ever really that close anyway.
So, with that being said, believe it from me that things can get better
I have ALOT of experience with this,because since before I was born I had already been condemned by the majority of my mother side of the family. I was robbed by them,right after my mother had passed away. My father side throughout the years eiether secretly and openly had anmosity towards me,because I was always put on a pedestal since before I came into the world. And I have a couple of cousins that are around but mostly every one I know has hurt me,wronged me,robbed me or straight sh*ted on me. I can tell you the whole story later,but it's hard and it can be lonely,but I'm getting to a place in my life now that I have to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and deal with it day by day. It was once said YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHO YOUR FAMILY IS,BUT YOU CAN MAKE SOME SUBSTITUTIONS BY CHOOSING GOOD FRIENDS!
When I ask about "coping" I mean how did you handle the fallout at first? Was it painful?
It depends.
Sometimes the fallout is inevitable and when it happens, all the stain and stress of biting your toungue and avoiding uncomfortable situations is released. You feel this huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you move forward with sheer pleasure about life.
Other times, if the fallout is with a family member you really care about and wanted a good relationship with, it does hurt. However, over time you have to realize you can't live your life with the expectation of approval from everyone (even if you're related to them). You can only do what's best for you.
It's collateral damage but you aren't alone.
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