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The minute any member of my family, or anybody in that matter, put their hands on me, I would be calling the cops. Violance does not solve anything. This is a pattern that won't stop. Most likely -your parents were abused, or your father abused your mother when you were young.
Stop giving your mother money and just save what you can. If your parents decide that they rather kick you out for not ... paying them, I guess that would be a better reality than what you're living in right now, no? If you can seriously say no, it would not be a better reality-- then obviously you're just going to have to endure your parents' abuse while you figure a way out.
Is your mother's behavior new? If it isn't, what's the point of asking why she's like this? Some people are just toxic and/or nuts to the bone.
No, my mother's behavior is not new. She has done this to me and my siblings (We are all adopted) since i can remember. She actually forced my sister middle sister (who was her favorite daughter) into the army to prevent her from marrying a friend we all grew up with as neighbors. How that sibling fell out of favor with mom, i don't know. The sibling married him anyway and now have 2 kids. One by one we all left. I left Michigan right after that sibling she forced into the army after she forced me to move out of Southfield into the inner city of Detroit, where I was attacked and robbed. She blamed me saying it was my fault for being attacked. I left Michigan soon thereafter. My youngest sister left before the oldest. The oldest and youngest each now have a kid. Mother is angry with them they don't call. She blames me. She's angry because im working a minimum wage job. She actually wants to show up at my job force Target HR and higher management to pay me tons of money.
Did you give any thought to what the OP stated? For instance, he moved back home because of the recession and he's paying his parents to live there. It's difficult to get all the deposits and money together when you have a job from Target...they don't pay all that well. He plays video games to get away from his God-awful parents. When you're depressed, it's difficult to do just about anything and you certainly don't want to dwell on reality...sheesh, have a little more empathy?
Anyway, I think the OP should check into renting a room. It's a basic start. DON'T give your paycheck to your parents. They abuse your money like they abuse you. Like another pointed out, what are they going to do if you don't give them your check? What could be worse than what they're already doing? The best thing is to get out of there...then you can start thinking about what YOU'D like to do with the rest of your life...what do YOU enjoy...how can you make money at it or at least, enjoy your spare time with other activities. You'll make friends, maybe slowly, that will help you get out of that negative space in your head. You just have so many things you could look forward to if you'd get out from under their freaking spell.
ShellNic, Thanks for clearing that up for me. Some people clearly do not read. But at least he does have some point.
No, my mother's behavior is not new. She has done this to me and my siblings (We are all adopted) since i can remember. She actually forced my sister middle sister (who was her favorite daughter) into the army to prevent her from marrying a friend we all grew up with as neighbors. How that sibling fell out of favor with mom, i don't know. The sibling married him anyway and now have 2 kids. One by one we all left. I left Michigan right after that sibling she forced into the army after she forced me to move out of Southfield into the inner city of Detroit, where I was attacked and robbed. She blamed me saying it was my fault for being attacked. I left Michigan soon thereafter. My youngest sister left before the oldest. The oldest and youngest each now have a kid. Mother is angry with them they don't call. She blames me. She's angry because im working a minimum wage job. She actually wants to show up at my job force Target HR and higher management to pay me tons of money.
Wow, that's sad. And you mention that you're all adopted, I can only imagine there was some hardship beforehand... then you have your mother. Bleh. Are you comfortable with your siblings? Perhaps they can offer you a place to stay or at least some mode of support?
I would be mortified if my mom showed up at my work like that. It definitely will not reflect well on you if she does.
Wow, that's sad. And you mention that you're all adopted, I can only imagine there was some hardship beforehand... then you have your mother. Bleh. Are you comfortable with your siblings? Perhaps they can offer you a place to stay or at least some mode of support?
I would be mortified if my mom showed up at my work like that. It definitely will not reflect well on you if she does.
All siblings have children. Tow are far, one is near. The oldest sibling's boyfriend does not want me there with my sister. And she has sided with him. So essentially, no one is in my corner. I am all alone.
I am an adult black male 28 years old but right now I have a job that gives me barely any pay for a living wage while i search for other jobs. I have no where else to go. So I am trying to tough this out.
My mother has been critical, controlling, emotionally and physically abusive towards me since I can remember. I remember in high school I hated when my mother had to take me to school. She literally would curse me out from the moment we backed out the driveway until she dropped me off at the school's front door. She'd criticize my room, my appearance, my clothes EVERYTHING, it's like she wouldn't stop. She NEVER EVER cared for my opinions or seemed to have remorse at all. If i were to mention this to her, she would get defensive deny it and accuse me of being sensitive and that whatever she said she was doing it for the best. To no surprise I was very, very evil, defensive and depressed as a teen, a very sad young man and even had suicidal thoughts that continue to this day
Recently, there was an incident where out of nowhere my mother accuses me cashing in 20.00 worth of bottles and keeping the money for myself, saying it was her money. I don't even recycle. She says i am a liar. Some weekends when I don't work or have much to do, I stay in the bedroom and play Flight Simulator 2004. I don't always feel like going out. Well, she says that I am not normal,I'm a computer freak that most people would sit on the porch or the backporch instead of being in their room all day flying Boeing 747-400's on a computer. Yea, sit on the porch in 23 degree weather all day my ass.
Then she told me that I look like a retard. I'm a dumb dora. A Stupid. Dad chimes in saying i'm an ugly black Mod cut: inappropriate language. I tried defending myself by saying i am not, but never got to, as she started hitting and cussing me, saying don't talk back to her. When I defended myself it got worse and she called me a 'Snip' and that if I dare hit her back she'll knock me out and throw me out the house.
She is controlling of my life, she acts as if she is the one that is living it. She takes my meager paycheck and gives me back barely anything out of it. She doesn't care whether i don't have enough for shoes. She goes things like this in every aspect of my life.
She talks about the clothes that I wear, saying I am too old to be dressing like someone in a cult (trench-coat and all black). She tells me that I am not that young/You're not grown, you're a child and I am pushing 30. she makes me feel so miserable. I cannot enjoy the moment, she is always reminding me that I am getting old. I never feel young at all.
What is it? Is it jealousy or what?? I don't understand why she is like this...why she is so physically and emotionally abusive. She tells me that I am the one that is not normal when really it's her. Whenever she gets into one of these modes where she feels like picking on me, if I respond to her it will make the situation worse. She gets illogical, emotional and abusive--telling me to shut up and listen. But if I don't speak that drives her crazy too
If I don't do something the way she wants me to do it, like clean a window the way she intructed, she'll say that I don't know how to follow directions and that means I will never amount to anything, or im a sorry Snip. If I forget something, no matter how trite, she'll account that to my inability to keep a job saying that I will probably end up dead or I might end up in jail because I am careless. Everything i do is wrong to her and dad. They say I'm a horrible person. They have destroyed my spirit. How do i cope??
Honestly, you can't cope while living in a physically and emotionally abusive situation like this. You mother and father are sick individuals. I think that you are aware of that, but what they say and do still must hurt terribly.
You seem like an intelligent and thoughtful young man, and as a mother; my heart aches for you. I mean that sincerely.
Your parents are malignant narcissists and their behavior is nothing short of evil. Their intention is do destroy you emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and even physically. Why they are the way that they are is of less interest at this point, than that you know that they are this way and that they are dangerous.
Nothing that they have ever done to or for you or your siblings was out of love. It was the opposite.
I know that on some level you want their approval, but that is not going to happen.
You need to get out of there! Take the next pay check and leave! Get a room. Anything is better than living with these people!
Your next step? Apply to college. You will get financial aid. Apply to a college that offers housing for adult students. If you don't know of any, send me a direct message and I'd be happy to provide some. Get your BA/BS and while at college, avail yourself of the wonderful free counseling services that most colleges and universities have!
Start getting your things together. Don't say a word to them. They want you to stay.
You are not worthless, you are a bight and perceptive man. I expect good things from you.
Maybe there are some seniors in your neighborhood who would be willing to rent a room to you in exchange for doing chores around the house. This way it'll be little money out of pocket and you can move as soon as possible.
Maybe there are some seniors in your neighborhood who would be willing to rent a room to you in exchange for doing chores around the house. This way it'll be little money out of pocket and you can move as soon as possible.
I can look for a room. Living with elderly, i dont mind. as long as there's peace and QUIET!!!!!!
Honestly, you can't cope while living in a physically and emotionally abusive situation like this. You mother and father are sick individuals. I think that you are aware of that, but what they say and do still must hurt terribly.
You seem like an intelligent and thoughtful young man, and as a mother; my heart aches for you. I mean that sincerely.
Your parents are malignant narcissists and their behavior is nothing short of evil. Their intention is do destroy you emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and even physically. Why they are the way that they are is of less interest at this point, than that you know that they are this way and that they are dangerous.
Nothing that they have ever done to or for you or your siblings was out of love. It was the opposite.
I know that on some level you want their approval, but that is not going to happen.
You need to get out of there! Take the next pay check and leave! Get a room. Anything is better than living with these people!
Your next step? Apply to college. You will get financial aid. Apply to a college that offers housing for adult students. If you don't know of any, send me a direct message and I'd be happy to provide some. Get your BA/BS and while at college, avail yourself of the wonderful free counseling services that most colleges and universities have!
Start getting your things together. Don't say a word to them. They want you to stay.
You are not worthless, you are a bight and perceptive man. I expect good things from you.
Sheena12
Sheena12, have i told you my mother had the gall to tell me i was the cause of splitting up and pitting her family because she wanted to adopt me and the other siblings. That actually hurt.
Sheena12, have i told you my mother had the gall to tell me i was the cause of splitting up and pitting her family because she wanted to adopt me and the other siblings. That actually hurt.
Don't believe her. She just wants to hurt you.
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