I'm black - I was adopted by a white family when I was a baby and now feeling like I don't belong (dynamics, cousins)
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Race relations in America are far worse. If you were in America, things would have been worse for you. I have a relative who is in an interracial relationship in England(black man and a white woman). They don't have any problems whatsoever. If you move to a bigger city such as London, you will not have problems with people insulting you because of your race. Remember to stay strong and do not let things get to you. If people do not like you for who you are, then forget about them. Do not try to change yourself just because of what you went through.
Look, I don't mean to sound harsh, but stop looking at your glass as half empty! You are loved by your mum and dad. They love you and care for you. You were given a good life, and consequently did not endure sex abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, etc., etc.
You are letting other people's opinions steal the joy of the good life you were given! You were given the most desired things in life: love and care. Many kids birthed into their own "white" or "black" families don't feel they belong, are accepted, or loved. Again, get over it, and go back to giving love and attention/time back to your parents. You are probably hurting them deeply to boot.
I'm a black man (22-years-old) and I was adopted by white parents when I was a baby.
I love my mum and dad. They're fantastic parents and have always been there for me. My father always makes me laugh with his silly, childish jokes and my mum is always a source of comfort. However recently, I've started becoming distant from my family because I'm starting to feel like I don't belong because of my skin colour. I guess these feelings have everything to do with entering the "real world."
Where I grew up, I was almost always the only black person present. It was a very white middle/upper class neighbourhood. I never felt out of place, though. I was so accustomed to being around whites due to being raised by a white family, as a child, the fact that my skin colour was different to all the people around me never crossed my mind. I was the only black person present from primary to secondary school. Everyone else was white. All my childhood best friends are white and every single girl I've been out with has been white.
Like I already mentioned - as a kid being the only black person in my family or in my group of friends never played on my mind. However, things changed when I was 18 and I went to university. Leaving home really stressed the notion that I'd been living in a sheltered bubble as a kid. I guess you could say I was extremely naive. Although I was aware of "race," it was something that never really entered the forefront of my mind because it was something that, despite my circumstances, I was never really exposed to. The only time I can remember it coming up in a serious way was when I was 16 and was playing football for my school - an opposition player called me the n word because I tackled him hard; my childhood best friend punched him and a huge brawl commenced between my team and the opposition.
One of the first things that emphasized the "colour barrier" was when I was I was working as barman part-time while studying for my degree. My co-workers, in a playful and non-malicious manner, would always say that I don't act "black." They said I acted white. The reason? Because of the way I speak (I come from a stereotypical countryside town in Southern England) and because my musical tastes aren't limited to hip-hop. Now that didn't really bother me - in fact one of my housemates was the complete opposite. People would say she acted black (she was white) because she loved to listen to reggae, garage, drum and bass, RnB, funk, soul and other musical genres that were pioneered by black musicians. We'd actually have a laugh about it. Like I said that kind of teasing didn't bother me because it wasn't malicious in any way, but I guess in a way it planted the seed.
One of the first things that did bother me, however, was when my old mates from back home and my ex-girlfriend (all white) came to visit me at uni and stayed over for the weekend. We were on our way to a nightclub and a group of black guys from the same university called me a "sellout" and a "choc ice" cause all the people around me were white. It really infuriated me. I know I should've known better and to ignore them but it really got to me. More incidents in similar vain continued throughout my time in the real world. I and my ex were once castigated by some old white man on a train because of "racemixing." I was deemed a traitor because my parents were white, my cousin told me that "I'm not one of them" and I was racially profiled by the police in what was a terrifying experience (my parents want to sue on the very latter but I just want to leave it be).
There were other incidents that stressed the notion of race. Had one of the incidents merely happened in isolation, it wouldn't have bothered me. But it was one thing after another that piled on me and changed my perceptions. I was naive prior leaving home and being exposed to that really had a big impact. I started reading stuff about race on the internet and that just served to make things worse. I broke up with my ex because I simply didn't see her as a girl I loved anymore - she was now a white girl and I was a black guy and that made us incompatible. In the last few months I've become pretty anxious - I can't even watch a football game without thinking about race i.e. the ethnicity of the players on show.
I'm not as close with my parents as I was before. I and my dad don't talk about life for hours on end and I don't accompany my mum with something as mundane as shopping simply because I enjoy her company. I've not only become distant with my family, but I've become distant with my friends. These days I prefer being left alone because I feel like I don't really belong in the world.
It's making me very miserable.
So, to make sure I understand this. You were raised in a white household in the predominately white countryside where your race appeared to never be an issue. You've gone to college, I'm assuming in a more urban area, where now you're running into race issues. Now, the race issues you are encountering in this new environment is causing you to lose contact with the place and people who (with the exception of a cousin) have always looked at you as a person and not a person of a specific race.
IMHO, the thing to do would be to maintain as much contact with your "old" life as possible while you finish with school and then move back and live amongst the people who love and accept you as a person and not the person who is supposed to "act black".
If you move to a bigger city such as London, you will not have problems with people insulting you because of your race.
You did read the part about growing up all his life in the countryside where he was accepted as a person and not labeled as being black and needing to "act black" and "be black" didn't you?
I love the progressives who think that those backwards aZ$ country folk are all racists and the city folk are the enlightened ones.
Amanda, why don't you Google "London race problems" and tell me about the racial nirvana that is London.
Privileged people are human. The OP, on the other hand, is a selfish, self-indulgent jerk.
with all due respect, I don't think that's fair to the young man. from the outside looking in, you really don't know what a person is going through until you walk a day in their shoes. I know to many he may sound ungrateful but, this is not about material things, the finer things of life , or social status. This is about what he is feeling within himself, identity crisis, the longing to know where do I fit in, and how the greater world see you and treat you. This is his personal struggle for the moment and in spite of all the love and support from great parents and friends, they could never walk in his shoes in this issue. Eventually he will figure this out and move on with his life and I believe he and his family will be just fine in the end. Love endures all things.
Your distancing from your family is going to hurt everyone, not just yourself. If you were adopted by this family, and raised in their community, you are WANTED. If you managed to go your entire life up until this point without encountering any of the *******s, then you've had a good life.
There are idiots everywhere. I'm redheaded. I have literally met people who hate redheads. It happens. I also live in a part of the US where there are as many (or more) Mexican and Spanish-descent people as there are regular white people. I went to a town that was primarily Spanish (who are famous for being pretty insular where I live) and got yelled at for being white.
Some people are just *******s anyway, your skin color only makes you easier to spot and make a target since they probably figure it'll be easier to get under your skin. Your cousin? Probably would have felt the same regardless of skin color, because you're adopted. The old guy on the train? Probably always been a jerk.
I'm a black man (22-years-old) and I was adopted by white parents when I was a baby.
I love my mum and dad. They're fantastic parents and have always been there for me. My father always makes me laugh with his silly, childish jokes and my mum is always a source of comfort. However recently, I've started becoming distant from my family because I'm starting to feel like I don't belong because of my skin colour. I guess these feelings have everything to do with entering the "real world."
Where I grew up, I was almost always the only black person present. It was a very white middle/upper class neighbourhood. I never felt out of place, though. I was so accustomed to being around whites due to being raised by a white family, as a child, the fact that my skin colour was different to all the people around me never crossed my mind. I was the only black person present from primary to secondary school. Everyone else was white. All my childhood best friends are white and every single girl I've been out with has been white.
Like I already mentioned - as a kid being the only black person in my family or in my group of friends never played on my mind. However, things changed when I was 18 and I went to university. Leaving home really stressed the notion that I'd been living in a sheltered bubble as a kid. I guess you could say I was extremely naive. Although I was aware of "race," it was something that never really entered the forefront of my mind because it was something that, despite my circumstances, I was never really exposed to. The only time I can remember it coming up in a serious way was when I was 16 and was playing football for my school - an opposition player called me the n word because I tackled him hard; my childhood best friend punched him and a huge brawl commenced between my team and the opposition.
One of the first things that emphasized the "colour barrier" was when I was I was working as barman part-time while studying for my degree. My co-workers, in a playful and non-malicious manner, would always say that I don't act "black." They said I acted white. The reason? Because of the way I speak (I come from a stereotypical countryside town in Southern England) and because my musical tastes aren't limited to hip-hop. Now that didn't really bother me - in fact one of my housemates was the complete opposite. People would say she acted black (she was white) because she loved to listen to reggae, garage, drum and bass, RnB, funk, soul and other musical genres that were pioneered by black musicians. We'd actually have a laugh about it. Like I said that kind of teasing didn't bother me because it wasn't malicious in any way, but I guess in a way it planted the seed.
One of the first things that did bother me, however, was when my old mates from back home and my ex-girlfriend (all white) came to visit me at uni and stayed over for the weekend. We were on our way to a nightclub and a group of black guys from the same university called me a "sellout" and a "choc ice" cause all the people around me were white. It really infuriated me. I know I should've known better and to ignore them but it really got to me. More incidents in similar vain continued throughout my time in the real world. I and my ex were once castigated by some old white man on a train because of "racemixing." I was deemed a traitor because my parents were white, my cousin told me that "I'm not one of them" and I was racially profiled by the police in what was a terrifying experience (my parents want to sue on the very latter but I just want to leave it be).
There were other incidents that stressed the notion of race. Had one of the incidents merely happened in isolation, it wouldn't have bothered me. But it was one thing after another that piled on me and changed my perceptions. I was naive prior leaving home and being exposed to that really had a big impact. I started reading stuff about race on the internet and that just served to make things worse. I broke up with my ex because I simply didn't see her as a girl I loved anymore - she was now a white girl and I was a black guy and that made us incompatible. In the last few months I've become pretty anxious - I can't even watch a football game without thinking about race i.e. the ethnicity of the players on show.
I'm not as close with my parents as I was before. I and my dad don't talk about life for hours on end and I don't accompany my mum with something as mundane as shopping simply because I enjoy her company. I've not only become distant with my family, but I've become distant with my friends. These days I prefer being left alone because I feel like I don't really belong in the world.
Thiery - I can understand that you feel somewhat missing or lost.. I think it might be good to find your roots, find where you came from, etc. You're searching for who you are, so go find it.. When you do, you might feel finally like you are a whole person. Read up on your history, your ancestors, a lot of people enjoy Ancestry.com
Well, my daughter had a friend whose father was black and mother was white and they lived in a white neighborhood. At the time she could have very well been the only black child in her school. Not quite the same scenario as yours, considering she had a black parents. But she eased into the white culture and appeared to have remained comfortable with it, even after her parents divorced and she remained with her white mother. Her friends were white and she married a white man and has been raising a family. I have never sensed an identity crisis with her at all.
I wish you would take into consideration that your adoptive parents likely provided you with more chances in life than you would have had otherwise. Without them your life could have been much different for the worse. They gave you love, comfort, and opportunities and that's more than a lot of children have. And as far as they're concerned, you'll always belong with them in their hearts.
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