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If when you speak your mind it's usually negative, rants or complaining and I hate this and I hate people who do this and that, then that is negative. If you focus on what has or might go wrong, then yes that is negative. Do YOU think you are a positive, upbeat person? Do you raise the good vibe when you're around people, or bring it down?
My ex used to be that way. We'd be driving somewhere and he'd be bitching about everything along the way. It was like he only noticed what was wrong with the world. It was very draining and depressing being around him and one of the reasons I fell out of love with him. I don't even know if he realized what a horrible habit it had become.
I have a co-worker who is like this. When he is speaking his mind, you can feel the attitude in his voice. He comes across as an a**hole.
My husband and a friend of his had the opportunity to interact with him when he was speaking his mind, and he treated both of them the same way. They avoid him when possible.
Yes, I often get called negative by my mom and sisters for simply expressing an opinion or factual statement.
Often times it's just matter of fact stuff like, "if I don't save more money I won't have enough money for retirement."
My mom thinks that is a bad way to think and everything will just work out if I just keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude.
I think cultures have very different levels of this. For instance in NYC nobody would bat an eye if you had a bad meal at a restaurant and you said it wasn't very good.
But here in Minnesota the person eating the bad meal will be all apologetic and will go out of their way to not make anyone feel bad about it. Even if the food is takeout, and nobody involved with the cooking is around to be offended.
I lived in Japan and it's like that MN attitude I described but times 10. Everyone is very aloof and opinionless there, and go out of their way to never say anything that would make another person embarrassed.
Uh, yeah, I don't have a much of a filter, and it does come across as negative.
When I get nervous in a new environment, I make lots of 'observations', which can come across as critical even when I don't mean it to.
At a new workplace, I ask a LOT of questions (because I'm VERY curious about how things work) and have been told that comes across as criticism of the predecessor or the powers that be.
I've still held onto a lot of that teen sarcasm/dry humor which can seem hurtful to people even if I don't feel it/intend it. Got rid of a lot of that when my kids were little.
As I have become aware of this, I've made HUGE efforts to make sure my unfiltered comments include positive ones. I realized that I would think in my head "Wow, what a pretty sweater" or "That's a really good idea" but not actually say it to the person. So now i work at saying those things also.
I used to work with a girl with no filter. She claimed it was how she grew up. Her family would sit around the dinner table and have debates and they would all speak their minds and it's how she grew up. That's all fine and dandy, but no one at work enjoyed being around her. She would come across so rude too many times. The rest of us would look at each other not believing what we just heard when she'd be rude to the boss in a dept meeting.
She would apologize once she realized she might have said something wrong or hurt someone's feelings but after awhile, you get to where you just don't enjoy her company. As soon as she'd apologize, she'd say something rude again. We gave up.
I'm a believer in if you've got nothing nice to say then keep quiet. Why be mean or tell someone what you think if it serves no purpose? If someone asks you a question, you can get a point across in a nice tactful way and be honest without being mean or you can be blunt and hurtful. If you are blunt and hurtful then just don't expect many people to enjoy being around you.
I used be that way....so much negative stuff came out of my mouth.
Lost a relationship because of it...I cringe at how I sounded...sigh.
No more...because I stop the stinkin thinkin in my mind now.
Who knew you could control your thoughts and switch them to kind, happy, fun
thoughts!
I am the happiest most content person I know....my friends see a huge difference....
they love being around me now and told me I am the only person they know that is happy
and not complaining about something....what a pleasure to hear me just answer the phone!
Bad thoughts are a choice...I never knew that till about 2006-7.
Now my choices keep me very happy and clear and confident.
And I laugh a lot!!!......now.
Beautiful Miss Hepburn!
It takes the same amount of energy to be miserable as it does to be happy!
The choice is yours!
I used to work with a girl with no filter. She claimed it was how she grew up. Her family would sit around the dinner table and have debates and they would all speak their minds and it's how she grew up. That's all fine and dandy, but no one at work enjoyed being around her. She would come across so rude too many times. The rest of us would look at each other not believing what we just heard when she'd be rude to the boss in a dept meeting.
She would apologize once she realized she might have said something wrong or hurt someone's feelings but after awhile, you get to where you just don't enjoy her company. As soon as she'd apologize, she'd say something rude again. We gave up.
I'm a believer in if you've got nothing nice to say then keep quiet. Why be mean or tell someone what you think if it serves no purpose? If someone asks you a question, you can get a point across in a nice tactful way and be honest without being mean or you can be blunt and hurtful. If you are blunt and hurtful then just don't expect many people to enjoy being around you.
Please tell that to my co-worker.
The supervisor over everyone *including the managers* got on him for his attitude during a monthly staff meeting.
But... he never learned.
He keeps on repeating the same behavior.
And he complains about getting no respect.
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