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The women who organize the reunions for my class try to do one every 5 years, which is a bit much. I know a lot of my school friends but don't see them as often as would if we were all young, single and free.
I went to the 30th 6 years ago - 40th coming up - and 30 years is a generation. That was a cool reunion as everyone has had kids who were graduating from college or other things. As I mentioned, I don't get to see all of my former schoolmates as they are around the country but they came to the reunion. Good thing we had badges with our yearbook pics on them or I wouldn't have remembered some of them.
There is a middle ground between feeling enthusiasm for high school reunions and being "butthurt" and it is called irrelevance.
Bingo. I believe my 20th is this coming weekend, and there's no way I'm going. I don't keep in touch with anyone from high school and I didn't include my high school on my facebook profile, so they haven't found me to officially invite me.
I wasn't "bullied," nothing traumatic happened to me. But I have nothing other than the coincidence of age and home town in common with my fellow graduates and that's not enough to make it worthwhile.
Besides, I was visiting my parents a few weeks ago and went to the supermarket, where I ran into a classmate of mine. Between the ridiculously high-pitched, fake "Oh hi, Campion, how are you..." and the utterly banal comment of "We're getting older, aren't we," the prospect of hearing two days' worth of such drivel is enough to drive me mad.
I have one coming up in a few weeks. It will probably be the last one ever and it was a unique school. I've gone to some of them in the past, but not going this time. The location isn't far, but it's a pricey affair, I don't really have transportation and I don't feel mentally or physically well enough for it.
As I've said overandoverandoverandover on the many, many threads about class reunions, they get better with time. Lots better.
People change, folks. Ten-year-reunions are pretty useless - post-twenty-year-reunions are memorable.
So - if you've only been out of high school for ten years or less, take heart. Life continues and it continues to offer choices and opportunities and surprises. People grow and mature and turn into far more interesting versions of themselves at 38, 48, 58, and 68 than they were at 18 or 28. Given that improved human material, reunions get better, too, assuming the planners do their job and get adequate input (not just hands-on help, but suggestions and comments about suggestions) from their classmates.
So even if you have bad memories of high school, try attending your twentieth+ reunion, just to see what's happened with your classmates since then. Be open. Be receptive. Be polite and interested. Be honest, too - it's okay to let people know your high school years were not your best years, but leave old grudges and hurts at home for at least the event. If you really want to hang onto them afterwards, that's your call. But for just that one night, or one weekend - be open-minded, show interest in other people, and see what happens.
I don't think you'll regret it.
well said!!
after 20yrs, most any old h.s. crap turns to dust, people are just happy to see each other
the further away you get from h.s. the more you realize, you and everyone else was just a young emotional, awkward kid, that what was important then doesn't mean much now.
after 20yrs, most any old h.s. crap turns to dust, people are just happy to see each other
the further away you get from h.s. the more you realize, you and everyone else was just a young emotional, awkward kid, that what was important then doesn't mean much now.
But that doesn't mean I have anything in common with them, or even want to bother to find out if I have anything in common with them. The quantities of alcohol it would require me to consume to survive such an awkward atmosphere and not shoot myself with the tedium of rehashing old times with people I never felt an affinity to in the first place would be unhealthy. I don't like big gatherings to begin with.
There's no resentment on my part, there's just total indifference.
Bingo. I believe my 20th is this coming weekend, and there's no way I'm going. I don't keep in touch with anyone from high school and I didn't include my high school on my facebook profile, so they haven't found me to officially invite me.
I wasn't "bullied," nothing traumatic happened to me. But I have nothing other than the coincidence of age and home town in common with my fellow graduates and that's not enough to make it worthwhile.
Besides, I was visiting my parents a few weeks ago and went to the supermarket, where I ran into a classmate of mine. Between the ridiculously high-pitched, fake "Oh hi, Campion, how are you..." and the utterly banal comment of "We're getting older, aren't we," the prospect of hearing two days' worth of such drivel is enough to drive me mad.
How do you know you have nothing in common with your fellow grads, if you haven't seen or spoken with any of them in twenty years? And can you accurately judge the one you ran into unexpectedly by her brief, superficial greeting? Remember, she didn't expect to see you, either, no doubt didn't know you very well and had no idea who you are now. Superficiality is just about guaranteed, given those parameters.
But as for experiencing "two days' worth of such drivel" - that's not what's happened at the later reunions I've attended. Instead, after the first fifteen minutes or so of chat, things got deeper - way deeper. And from those memorable conversations, old acquaintances became newfound friends.
Mine is the generation which served in Vietnam - that was and is huge with many male classmates. We were the sixties' generation, and had our share of counter-cultural types - again, huge. The women's movement changed many lives as well, as doors formerly firmly closed opened - sometimes were forcibly opened. Ditto the civil rights' movement. Many of our lives took very unpredictable directions.
Yes, some classmates are uncomfortable with discussing such often painful life-changers, but others - most, I'd wager - welcome the opportunity to connect with others who went through such refiner's fires and were shaped by them.
Your generation may not have dealt with these issues or matured in such a dramatic, challenging time, but each generation has its own stories and experiences. My class found a LOT more common ground at the later - twenty years and beyond - reunions that could be found at our very unmemorable tenth reunion.
You can't really judge all of your classmates by a brief chance encounter with one individual, nor can you really expect such an encounter to lead to a deep, compelling and significant conversation and connection. You have to give it a more time, and you have to be receptive and empathetic for that to occur.
How do you know you have nothing in common with your fellow grads, if you haven't seen or spoken with any of them in twenty years?
Class reunions are not high school.
I'm sure they're not, I just don't care to experience one. I don't get into deep conversations with strangers (except on message boards, hah!), and I'm not interested in having any more friends than I already have. And I'm simply uninterested in learning if I have anything in common with them. I don't have any interest in learning whether or not I have anything in common with the random fellow I say hi to on the street, or the grocery clerk in the checkout lane either. I don't wish them ill, but my classmates from high school fall into the same category: random people with whom I've shared a moment and space in time.
My mother, who graduated in '73, and my father, who graduated in '70, have lived wonderfully fulfilled lives without ever attending a reunion. I think I'll follow their lead.
after 20yrs, most any old h.s. crap turns to dust, people are just happy to see each other
the further away you get from h.s. the more you realize, you and everyone else was just a young emotional, awkward kid, that what was important then doesn't mean much now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Then think of it as a way to get past all that. Therapy. A way to purge inner demons.
I mean, hell, just about everybody except the quarterback and the head cheerleaders had to deal with some of that crap, because teenagers are all, without exception, a-holes at some time of another. When I went to my tenth, the guy who was the biggest bully in the school was just ignored by everyone there, as befitting how he had treated others.
So, without being flippant about it, I counsel you to get over it. Quit nursing whatever crap happened to you when you were 14 or 16, because all that does is eat away at you. Chances are, you are no real exception. What's more, the people who might have treated you that way probably really regret their behavior.
If you loved high school, then go to your reunions! Some people really didn't enjoy high school and some people don't live in the past and want to move forward. After 5 years, I am still friends with those people I was friends with in high school and still see them every once in a while. Why would I go to a reunion and see a whole bunch of people I didn't talk to back then? We went to high school together for four years and lived in the same area. That is about where the similarities stop.
I can understand why some people want to go. For them, it was one of the best times of their lives, their "wonder years", and they want to re-live it. Not me, though. It was far from the best time of my life.
I can understand why some people want to go. For them, it was one of the best times of their lives, their "wonder years", and they want to re-live it. Not me, though. It was far from the best time of my life.
What?
Going to a reunion is NOTHING like reliving high school!
If you loved high school, then go to your reunions! Some people really didn't enjoy high school and some people don't live in the past and want to move forward. After 5 years, I am still friends with those people I was friends with in high school and still see them every once in a while. Why would I go to a reunion and see a whole bunch of people I didn't talk to back then? We went to high school together for four years and lived in the same area. That is about where the similarities stop.
I can understand why some people want to go. For them, it was one of the best times of their lives, their "wonder years", and they want to re-live it. Not me, though. It was far from the best time of my life.
Actually, I didn't care for high school that much. And no one has accused me of living in the past. But, like it or not, these are people with whom you spent a great deal of time, which means they are a bigger part of your life than you suspect.
What's more, your attitude means that you actually are guilty of a kind of reverse snobbery, in effect making you the kind of person today you disliked most in others in high school. How do you know that these people are not worth knowing? You're basically viewing them as 16-, 17-, and 18-year olds, when they likely have turned into very interesting and nuanced people. And these are people with whom you shared a great deal, despite what you say.
Unless it involves traveling cross country, invest a night of your life. You have no idea what pleasant surprises might be in store for you.
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