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"So, what do you do?"
"Breathe, mostly, eat sometimes....oh, you probably mean what do I do to earn money for paying my bills."
I don't like the question at all. I retired very young, and when I used to tell people that, they would often respond with resentment, or with more prying questions that I just didn't want to answer (esp. for someone I just met). So now I just mumble something and ask them about what they think about x, y, or z.
One of the things we humans do is try to categorize everyone and everything around us. It's our way of trying to make sense of the world we encounter. "What box should I put you in?" "Oh, you're in the 'teacher' box. OK, you deal with kids all day, don't get paid that well, probably have more patience than me, etc."
Kierkegaard said "Once you label me you negate me." I think this is one of the downsides of being so focused on putting people in an occupational box - it becomes so easy to miss the many other components of their lives (hobbies/interests/experiences/philosophies/hopes/dreams/etc).
OP You sound to me like you are a bit defensive about this question. This leads me to think that either you don't currently have a job or that you hate or are not proud of what you do. This is a personal issue of yours that you need to ind a way to come to terms with.
Eh. I guess I am. I actually don't enjoy what I do. I work in Finance and thought the job would be something different. Before I became a permanent employee, I was working as a temp in a different office and I actually enjoyed the job. Now since I've become permanent, I don't like the work.
I'd really prefer to do something more creative.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar
Even worse than this question is, "What does your husband do for a living?"
The last thing I want to talk about in social situation is work. Socializing is down time.
If someone starts asking questions that sound like they are trying to size me up I know that it will be a brief conversation for me. A real killer is, "What kind of a car do you drive?"
Wow. I can really think of some pretty good (somewhat snarky) responses to those types of questions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plain Yogurt
I really hate that question too b/c what I do is not who I am. Ask about hobbies, interests, etc instead. I've begun answering in a joking manner "as little as possible" to this inane question. I think people ask it b/c it seems like a safe thing to ask and b/c everyone else seems to ask it.
IDK. I feel this way too, but apparently asking those types of questions aren't the right thing to do. How I feel is, if we hang out, we won't be at my job or their job. We'll be doing whatever hobbies we share a common interest in!!
I think some people ask the question to compare or determine your place in the pecking order. Others just don't know what else to talk about. That's kind of sad. You can see some people are really bothered if you don't tell them what you do.
I now live in a 55+ community. Hardly anyone asks that question. We talk about what we are doing now, not what we did. A few still refer to themselves as a teacher or engineer but they are just laughed at. My 90 year old neighbored has snapped at a few by saying " I did not ask what you did." This is a woman with one hell of a resume.
When I worked we had a no talking about work rule when we were out. You spend enough time at work, why would you want to discuss it when you aren't there? Now in my 55+ we have a no ailments rule.
When asked I always answered "this and that." If prodded I said " a few other things." After you get to know someone it's a little different. Things would just come up in conversation and they would put together that I have had a pretty fascinating life, as one described it.
People may be asking just because it's a conversation starter. I don't ask people like I used to, because so many people are "in transition" these days.
I may be very general and not say exactly what I do or where I work. I too, find it a bit personal, especially if I just met someone however I understand the general interest in other people and assume that it where it is really coming from.
Kierkegaard said "Once you label me you negate me." I think this is one of the downsides of being so focused on putting people in an occupational box - it becomes so easy to miss the many other components of their lives (hobbies/interests/experiences/philosophies/hopes/dreams/etc).
I think people are hoping to hear something they can relate to or something they find interesting. If the job topic doesn't do it, they'll quickly switch to another subject and keep trying. In general I don't think they are trying to label anyone. I think they just want to walk away afterwards thinking, "Gosh that was an interesting/enjoyable 10 minutes. I'm glad a met this person."
If someone starts asking questions that sound like they are trying to size me up I know that it will be a brief conversation for me. A real killer is, "What kind of a car do you drive?"
In my position I have to attend a LOT of networking meetings, but I have never in 23 years as a married adult been asked this question by anyone other than my mechanic.
I really feel for those of you who are surrounded by shallow social climbers.
i think it's a great question ,what I do for a living a the time , it opens the door for identification with some one.
ones profession marks their values to some degree .
If revealing the fact you work at Walmart bothers you, there are ways to be honest with out win specific.
Traffic supervisor for customer service. = greeter
Or if you are a CEO but want to keep a low profile you can say your a baby sitter.
It's because we are american, and we are "defined" by what we do for work. It is one of the top few innocuous questions to break the ice: where are you from, where do you live, what do you do.
Other cultures might ask about your passions, your family or something else.
But it is really just an American social custom.
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