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Can you talk to her neighbor, say your a work friend, have a folder in hand, that you wanted to drop something off, but can't get a hold of her.
Or ask to talk to her supervisor at work. Something. If you can't get thru to her, go around and contact the people around her. What about her husband's work? Do you know details on that? Can you talk to someone over there or talk to him?
Again, I'd go in person. Show up with lunch in hand and sit in and share lunch with whoever you talk to. Or bring dessert. Be creative.
That could also mean they locked their profiles way down. If you were to try to find me, you couldn't even with my name or looking through people's friends lists who are friends with me because I have my privacy settings set up that way. That would seem more in line given that you were moved to limited profile before this occurred.
Still far and away more likely than her husband murdering her and her sister, choosing to delete their accounts but only block you on the sister's account, and her work not noticing she was missing for a week. Her sister also knows there is concern.
And if she did delete her account, she deserves her privacy. Again, this is someone who works and would be missed at work if she was to not turn up.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I made an announcement on Facebook letting people know I was sick (I had just graduated from college, had no family locally - and an incredibly dysfunctional family at that, and was afraid of asking for help so it seemed best idea at the time), immediately had a complete nervous breakdown, regretted anyone knowing about my illness, and deactivated my account without a word. I'm sure I freaked people out, and I regret that now of course, but at the time I could absolutely not handle the embarrassment or attention. I got back on a few weeks later after beginning treatment and getting help with what was happening to me, and apologized. People driving past my house, calling work, etc would have made it all so much worse.
Not everyone handles trauma well, and if your friend is going through something, it's unfortunately that she feels she can't talk about it but she still deserves her privacy.
I understand you're worried and you have every right to be. But also understand that it is not up to you to be a detective. Work and her family are aware if anything is going on. I'm sure it's hurtful and stressful, especially given your history.
I'm not stressed or hurt. I was concerned. And there is no way to make yourself completely hidden on Facebook unless you deactivate your acct.
That could also mean they locked their profiles way down. If you were to try to find me, you couldn't even with my name or looking through people's friends lists who are friends with me because I have my privacy settings set up that way. That would seem more in line given that you were moved to limited profile before this occurred.
Still far and away more likely than her husband murdering her and her sister, choosing to delete their accounts but only block you on the sister's account, and her work not noticing she was missing for a week. Her sister also knows there is concern.
And if she did delete her account, she deserves her privacy. Again, this is someone who works and would be missed at work if she was to not turn up.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I made an announcement on Facebook letting people know I was sick (I had just graduated from college, had no family locally - and an incredibly dysfunctional family at that, and was afraid of asking for help so it seemed best idea at the time), immediately had a complete nervous breakdown, regretted anyone knowing about my illness, and deactivated my account without a word. I'm sure I freaked people out, and I regret that now of course, but at the time I could absolutely not handle the embarrassment or attention. I got back on a few weeks later after beginning treatment and getting help with what was happening to me, and apologized. People driving past my house, calling work, etc would have made it all so much worse.
Not everyone handles trauma well, and if your friend is going through something, it's unfortunately that she feels she can't talk about it but she still deserves her privacy.
I understand you're worried and you have every right to be. But also understand that it is not up to you to be a detective. Work and her family are aware if anything is going on. I'm sure it's hurtful and stressful, especially given your history.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollaces
Can you talk to her neighbor, say your a work friend, have a folder in hand, that you wanted to drop something off, but can't get a hold of her.
Or ask to talk to her supervisor at work. Something. If you can't get thru to her, go around and contact the people around her. What about her husband's work? Do you know details on that? Can you talk to someone over there or talk to him?
Again, I'd go in person. Show up with lunch in hand and sit in and share lunch with whoever you talk to. Or bring dessert. Be creative.
Good examples but I'm not going to do anymore on this.
As I already said 5 times - the accts were deleted or deactivated. They are not blocking me. They are very strange if they took down their accts just because I asked if everything was ok.
Yes, I heard you. What some of us are asking, is how you know that? Because on some platforms, it looks exactly like the acct is deactivated, when in fact, you're just blocked from seeing it. I don't know your level of IT proficiency, so was curious how you knew for sure that the acct is gone & not that you're just blocked?
No insult was intended, some people are very IT knowledgeable & others, not so much. Also, on some platforms, accts can be deactivated & reactivated, as a simple toggle switch, all day long at the profile owner's whims. It is not actually a big deal to deactivate an acct on some sites, it is a simple 'switch flip', which can be switched on & off, at will. Quite literally, 1 check box. So it can take zero effort & they can turn it back on again with 1 check box. It all depends on the platform.
Yes, I heard you. What some of us are asking, is how you know that? Because on some platforms, it looks exactly like the acct is deactivated, when in fact, you're just blocked from seeing it. I don't know your level of IT proficiency, so was curious how you knew for sure that the acct is gone & not that you're just blocked?
No insult was intended, some people are very IT knowledgeable & others, not so much. Also, on some platforms, accts can be deactivated & reactivated, as a simple toggle switch, all day long at the profile owner's whims. It is not actually a big deal to deactivate an acct on some sites, it is a simple 'switch flip', which can be switched on & off, at will. Quite literally, 1 check box. So it can take zero effort & they can turn it back on again with 1 check box. It all depends on the platform.
Their accts were looked for under other people's accts that they didn't know. There is no way to hide yourself from everyone unless the acct is deactivated or deleted.
Let's hope this was much ado about nothing, and that perhaps the friend needed some time to deal with some kind of personal issue, or had to go out of town to tend to a sick parent, or something like that.
Jazzy, maybe something *bad* happened with their family that they don't want to air publically?
Maybe your friend had a nervous breakdown or something bad happened at work and they don't want to share it with you or others.
Let it go.
Why do you think they have to share it if something bad happened? They don't. It's really no one's business what the details are.
A simple "can't make it Tuesday" would have nipped it in the bud.
You create more attention on yourself this way. Just tell people you have something going on that you can't discuss and need some privacy for the time being, and unless they're as thick as a rhino hide will leave you alone.
You go MIA without word, miss prearragned plans to meetup, that's how you get more of a spotlight on you.
So here is my question: if you were going to blow a casual friend off with the intent to not speak to them again and they sent your significant other a message out of concern - would you and your partner then remove your social media accts for temporary or long term because of the message?
OP---I'm just wondering why you don't want to call the police to do a wellness check.
At best, a wellness check will show that all is well. At your request, the police officer that does it could relay a message telling your friend that you were worried and won't bother her again.
At worst...the police could find that something is very wrong.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,633 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50660
Jazzy, this might be the wrong forum to ask these questions. The internet is filled with people who aren't socially connected and don't understand/support those who are.
Those who know her seem to be surprised by this behavior, as you are. Proceed with what you know - she deserves your caring concern. If she is an anti-social weirdo who wants to disappear, at least you will know you did your best.
Best wishes.
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