Aunt passed away requesting no funeral (father, guilty, children, gatherings)
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Funerals can serve many purposes but most often, they are an opportunity for those who knew and loved the deceased to get together and remember, cry, laugh, give comfort, get comfort, check in on those left behind and offer support. If you deprive the people who loved you of the opportunity to do these things AND say goodbye, that is incredibly selfish. I understand not wanting a big to do or a lot of money being spent, but to decree that NO ONE is allowed to come and remember? That seems controlling and ill advised.
The deceased is just that. Deceased. The living are those who need to cope and carry on. Why insist they can't come together to start that difficult process?
^^^^ and this^^^ is why I am not allowing a funeral when I die. If people need an opportunity to get together to remember, cry , laugh, get or give comfort they can darn well do it on their own time. I'm appalled at the people who stand around people's coffins laughing and talking about the good ole days. Nothing at all selfish about people not wanting that non-sense going on while their body is on display.
My Mom passed 10/9/17. She wanted no recognition other then having her ashes spread where her mothers were. I granted her wish, #1 being passing at home. Other than an obituary in the paper, absolutely nothing until we spread the ashes in Dec per her wishes, and then it will just be close family. Who am I to question mom's wishes? I am doing what she wanted.
When I say “funeral” I don’t necessarily mean having a casket and everything. My aunt will be cremated which is fine with me. But why request no service at all? I personally will request to be cremated, but I see no reason to ask for no service.
Because people have personal preferences. It is not your right to question the decision and wishes of the deceased.
Maybe she felt that not many people would be interested in attending.
Maybe she didn't relish being the center of attention.
Maybe she doesn't want things said about her.
And many people do not think in traditional terms, like you do. Some have no traditional beliefs and no desire to have tradition imposed upon them.
It seems like some relatives of the deceased are worried what the 'community' or church members or whoever might think about them if not having a service or funeral.
When I say “funeral” I don’t necessarily mean having a casket and everything. My aunt will be cremated which is fine with me. But why request no service at all? I personally will request to be cremated, but I see no reason to ask for no service.
This means you "still don't understand." (i.e., ". . . see no reason" indicates you do not understand. Capice)?
I think you could skirt the funeral issue and have a party with a celebration of life instead.
That’s what they are going to do. I have no say in how they do anything, I was just curious of people’s opinions on the matter. I never realized so many people opposed funerals or other types of service for various reasons.
OP, I could not disagree more. Always follow the wishes of the deceased person. And I strongly disagree that wanting no funeral is selfish.
With respect -- they're dead. Controlling the living from beyond the grave, telling them how to mourn and how to deal with a death, is a little egomaniacal.
Funerals are primarily for the people that are left behind. I do think that the disposition of your body is probably your last say -- cremation, burial, send it to space in a rocket, donate it to science, freeze it for possible later use . . . whatever floats your boat and whatever your estate can support. But to say, "No memorial service" IS a bit selfish -- or, perhaps it's a pre-emptive strike, and the deceased didn't think many people would show up and didn't want people to whispering, "Wow, not too many people liked her, huh?" :-)
Funeral rites and customs have an important purpose. One, to acknowledge and perhaps honor the deceased's life. But I think the most important purpose is to allow family and friends to come together and openly mourn the passing of the deceased, and to gather comfort from friends and family. Society today is pretty cruel. You're allowed to be sad at a funeral. You can cry, you can listen to remembrances and recollections and stories about the deceased. But a week later, buddy, you better be getting over it, because no one wants to be reminded of death. Victorian customs may have taken it a bit to extreme, with its rigidly proscribed mourning periods, attire, etc., but the point was to remind people that the person WAS in mourning, and extra consideration should be extended.
The deceased may have opinions on mourning, but I don't believe those opinions extend to commands as to how other people choose to mourn a relative/friend.
Ugh. I hate funerals. I saw the disconnection between the dead person's wishes and the living's at a funeral where the speaker went on and on about religious stuff. The deceased was an atheist. I left early. The kids who were dragged along didn't have that option. There is also the funeral home's industrial exploitation of vulnerable people for tremendous profit and the procession blocking traffic on the roads. I'd rather have my body dumped somewhere that doesn't cost money.
Nothing at all selfish about people not wanting that non-sense going on while their body is on display.
With cremation as popular as it is these days, viewings are happening less and less. My mother has told us all our lives that a) she doesn't want cremation, and b) if we have an open coffin, she will come back and haunt us for the rest of our days. She doesn't like the idea of people staring at her, and that's fine. It's her body, her choice. As I said above -- decreeing the disposition of the body is perhaps your last say-so over yourself.
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