How to I say “I can’t afford that” (person, member)

[FairMindedLL]

Hubby and I have had some large unexpected expenses come up and are revamping our budget very carefully. We have friends and family who sometimes suggest going out to eat or to expensive events that just aren’t in our budget right now. What are some good phrases to use to say “that’s too expensive” without revealing our financial challenges or sounding like we’re constantly poor-mouthing everything?

[ClaraC]

I don't think there's any shame at all, in the era of Dave Ramsey, to say you're trying to reduce discretionary spending right now and put yourself ahead financially.

And then suggest something you'd like to do together -

[hertfordshire]

I just tell people that I've had to buckle down on my budget because I'm trying to build up my savings for retirement. Then I usually say something lighthearted like "it costs a lot to travel the world!"

[maciesmom]

How close are these friends and family?

Close friends and family I would have no problem just saying that really isn't in our budget currently. Follow up with an alternative suggestion for something that is doable so it's clear that you'd still like to get together and aren't moping around not socializing - that would be poor mouthing more than just being up-front. Then just do it and don't dwell on it.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by FairMindedLL

Hubby and I have had some large unexpected expenses come up and are revamping our budget very carefully.

Is there a reason you can't say this? ^^^ I think it is fine

Do you think that statement will invite questions about the expenses that you don't want to answer? If so, maybe just go with Clara's suggestion.

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by FairMindedLL

Hubby and I have had some large unexpected expenses come up and are revamping our budget very carefully. We have friends and family who sometimes suggest going out to eat or to expensive events that just aren’t in our budget right now. What are some good phrases to use to say “that’s too expensive” without revealing our financial challenges or sounding like we’re constantly poor-mouthing everything?

By saying, "We've had some big expenses lately so we're being a little prudent with our money right now."

If these are friends of actual quality, they won't care.

[FairMindedLL]

Thank you all. These are great suggestions! Offering to have them over for a meal is a good idea.

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

Do you think that statement will invite questions about the expenses that you don't want to answer? If so, maybe just go with Clara's suggestion.

Yes, I have one family member in particular who asks pointed personal questions. It seems everybody has one of those in their family, don’t they? I don’t want to unintentionally invite those questions if I can head them off at the pass with a few good neutral responses. Although I have no problem with ultimately saying some version of “that’s none of your business,” I’d rather start with something less antagonist. Most people in my world accept the first answer and don’t push. It’s just this one family member that I’ve repeatedly had to establish very firm boundaries with over the years.

[Ms. Tarabotti]

Originally Posted by FairMindedLL

Thank you all. These are great suggestions! Offering to have them over for a meal is a good idea.



Yes, I have one family member in particular who asks pointed personal questions. It seems everybody has one of those in their family, don’t they? I don’t want to unintentionally invite those questions if I can head them off at the pass with a few good neutral responses. Although I have no problem with ultimately saying some version of “that’s none of your business,” I’d rather start with something less antagonist. Most people in my world accept the first answer and don’t push. It’s just this one family member that I’ve repeatedly had to establish very firm boundaries with over the years.

'That's not in the budget right now but thanks for asking/ thinking of us'.

To nosy family member- 'Why are you asking such a personal question? Do you really need to know that?
It's really none of your business.'

[hertfordshire]

Originally Posted by FairMindedLL

Yes, I have one family member in particular who asks pointed personal questions. It seems everybody has one of those in their family, don’t they? I don’t want to unintentionally invite those questions if I can head them off at the pass with a few good neutral responses. Although I have no problem with ultimately saying some version of “that’s none of your business,” I’d rather start with something less antagonist. Most people in my world accept the first answer and don’t push. It’s just this one family member that I’ve repeatedly had to establish very firm boundaries with over the years.

You could really mess with this person and have some fun if they ask what the unexpected expenses were. First response that comes to mind? "Who knew that having all traces of blood removed from the carpets and walls would be so expensive?"

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by FairMindedLL

Thank you all. These are great suggestions! Offering to have them over for a meal is a good idea.



Yes, I have one family member in particular who asks pointed personal questions. It seems everybody has one of those in their family, don’t they? I don’t want to unintentionally invite those questions if I can head them off at the pass with a few good neutral responses. Although I have no problem with ultimately saying some version of “that’s none of your business,” I’d rather start with something less antagonist. Most people in my world accept the first answer and don’t push. It’s just this one family member that I’ve repeatedly had to establish very firm boundaries with over the years.

You simply say "Why do you ask?", it shuts them right up for the most part. It's a great response for any question asked that you don't feel they need an answer to.