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Old 01-09-2019, 11:49 PM
 
1,925 posts, read 942,050 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
I don't understand why saying "NO" today is such a problem for everyone. I say it when people want to offer me a ride somewhere: "No, I don't accept rides with people I don't know (well)." I'd do it with a drink, too: "No, I don't accept drinks from people I don't know." Same with people who want me to watch their kid for them while they run to the toilet or whatever: "No, I don't watch other people's kids."

It's that simple. So what if the person gets mad? If he asked you for sex and said he would get mad if you refused him, would you go with him? Of course you wouldn't. So say no and turn down the drink.

And there's nothing to say a man can't say no to an aggressive woman, either, if the situation were reversed.
I don't get it either. Folks will kiss the ass of the person who rubs them the wrong way just to keep from offending that person. They'll change long-made plans to suit the needs of a mother-in-law, for example, who tells them, 'no, your plans are not going to work for me, here's what you're going to do'. And they'll do it, but a rare few have the 'guts' to find some forum to run to and vent, as if that will change anything.

I've known people like this, people that will immediately say 'YES!!!'--hey, they're pleasing you--and then complain about the commitment the moment you leave.
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Old 01-10-2019, 03:52 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,632 posts, read 4,752,026 times
Reputation: 18825
Quote:
Originally Posted by mash123 View Post
Maybe in your country it's not an invitation, but in USA and other western countries it is.
Last time I checked Tennessee was still in the U.S. And having a drink alone is not an invitation to anything, whether you are male, female, pretty, homely, whatever.

Last edited by TheShadow; 01-10-2019 at 04:07 AM..
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:24 AM
 
3,129 posts, read 1,637,115 times
Reputation: 8568
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
Exactly this. People get lonely when they travel and sometimes really overstay their welcome or over interpret your mere presence. Sometimes people are pushy and you have to be pushy back. Sometimes (as evidenced by the responses here) sitting in a certain place means you are open for business so to speak to certain types of individuals.

For a woman alone in a strange place, rejecting a man can be dangerous. I posted this because of a recent encounter where I politely but firmly said no to a drink in a hotel bar and the man came over to ask why. I told him I was working and he didn't get the hint and leave. I exited and he made comments about my being "stuck up." He then saw me on my floor as he was also staying there and tried to talk with me again. It could have ended poorly. It didn't but I did move to a different floor. The guy was aggressive and rude but if you asked him, I'm sure he would say that I was in a hotel bar alone, therefore I was leading him to believe that I would be open to some kind of encounter. As others here seem to agree. I wasn't.

This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. Most people are pleasant enough but there's always the few who don't handle rejection well. Thanks but no thanks doesn't always work. It can be taken as rude when it's totally appropriate. Wedding rings, computers and sitting at a table don't always work. Just looking for anything I might be missing.
OK so donít get mad at this question but you asked what you might have missed:

Per the description above, you told the guy the reason for ďnoĒ was because you were working. Iím curious as to why THAT was the response versus ďIím married and have a child and am not interested.Ē (I know from your past threads that you have a partner and recently gave birth.)

While it may not have deterred him, and he might still have stalked you, itís the ultimate reason for not accepting a drink.

Could this be why you are so upset at others suggesting you talk to your husband about it? BTW Iím married and would absolutely seek his input about handling creeps if I had concerns about it.
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:41 AM
 
2,297 posts, read 1,174,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
OK so donít get mad at this question but you asked what you might have missed:

Per the description above, you told the guy the reason for ďnoĒ was because you were working. Iím curious as to why THAT was the response versus ďIím married and have a child and am not interested.Ē (I know from your past threads that you have a partner and recently gave birth.)

While it may not have deterred him, and he might still have stalked you, itís the ultimate reason for not accepting a drink.

Could this be why you are so upset at others suggesting you talk to your husband about it? BTW Iím married and would absolutely seek his input about handling creeps if I had concerns about it.
I did eventually say (after repeating i was busy working a few times) that I was not interested and not available. That is when the conversation got ugly and I was called names/told I was jumping to conclusions.

Talking to my mate about this is not the point of the thread. I talk to my mate about these experiences as I have nothing to hide. He has no prfound wisdom to share other than that men are jerks.

Both of these questions have a subtle hint of blame-- that I should have defended myself more honesty or differently. Let me tell you, some guys could care less if you are married, gay, having a baby tomorrow. That just makes them try harder as they think you won't get attached after the hook up. And my mate was not there, so he has absolutely no insight other than what I shared above. People seem to be saying that I am hiding this with the implication that I somehow enjoy it. Again, subtle blame.

I am going to bow out now. This thread is depressing if this is really the way people think.
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:48 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,363 posts, read 14,211,191 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
OK so donít get mad at this question but you asked what you might have missed:

Per the description above, you told the guy the reason for ďnoĒ was because you were working. Iím curious as to why THAT was the response versus ďIím married and have a child and am not interested.Ē (I know from your past threads that you have a partner and recently gave birth.)

While it may not have deterred him, and he might still have stalked you, itís the ultimate reason for not accepting a drink.

Could this be why you are so upset at others suggesting you talk to your husband about it? BTW Iím married and would absolutely seek his input about handling creeps if I had concerns about it.
She shouldn't have to justify it with any reason at all. What are the single ladies supposed to use for an ultimate excuse?
I have never had another patron bring a drink over, rather it's always been a drink sent from the bar but I've always been of the opinion that it's perfectly acceptable to tell the waitstaff/bartender "tell the gentleman thank you but ... I'm working, on a deadline, not interested, don't accept drinks from strangers, whatever. Even a simple 'no but thank you for the offer' is perfectly acceptable.
OP on the rare occasion you might come across a creep who doesn't want to accept no for an answer I would ask the bartender if there was someone on the hotel staff available to escort you back to your room. They should be more than willing to provide safety for one of their hotel guests.
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:51 AM
 
3,129 posts, read 1,637,115 times
Reputation: 8568
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
I did eventually say (after repeating i was busy working a few times) that I was not interested and not available. That is when the conversation got ugly and I was called names/told I was jumping to conclusions.

Talking to my mate about this is not the point of the thread. I talk to my mate about these experiences as I have nothing to hide. He has no prfound wisdom to share other than that men are jerks.

Both of these questions have a subtle hint of blame-- that I should have defended myself more honesty or differently. Let me tell you, some guys could care less if you are married, gay, having a baby tomorrow. That just makes them try harder as they think you won't get attached after the hook up. And my mate was not there, so he has absolutely no insight other than what I shared above. People seem to be saying that I am hiding this with the implication that I somehow enjoy it. Again, subtle blame.

I am going to bow out now. This thread is depressing if this is really the way people think.
Nope, no blame from me. And it never occurred to me that you might be hiding anything until you just said that (I don’t think you are). You asked if there was anything you missed. From your description it seemed like that was a piece of info missing. That’s all.

And FWIW (I know you “bailed from this thread”) I was alone dining in a hotel restaurant on a business trip. I had a crossword puzzle. I was at the end of one of those long circular booths. A guy came up and said something about loving crossword puzzles and said “scoot over” and wanted to help me with it. I let him sit down to help me with it, because it was fun to work on it, and he left when we completed it (it was a quick daily puzzle not the Sunday one) but afterwards I realized that he was probably making a play. Luckily he didn’t get aggressive. I could have handled that better.

Last edited by wasel; 01-10-2019 at 05:07 AM..
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Old 01-10-2019, 05:04 AM
 
3,129 posts, read 1,637,115 times
Reputation: 8568
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
She shouldn't have to justify it with any reason at all. What are the single ladies supposed to use for an ultimate excuse?
I have never had another patron bring a drink over, rather it's always been a drink sent from the bar but I've always been of the opinion that it's perfectly acceptable to tell the waitstaff/bartender "tell the gentleman thank you but ... I'm working, on a deadline, not interested, don't accept drinks from strangers, whatever. Even a simple 'no but thank you for the offer' is perfectly acceptable.
OP on the rare occasion you might come across a creep who doesn't want to accept no for an answer I would ask the bartender if there was someone on the hotel staff available to escort you back to your room. They should be more than willing to provide safety for one of their hotel guests.
Of course she shouldnít have to justify it. But she did justify it (who wouldnít) and I simply asked about thought process since SHE herself asked what she may have missed. Thatís all.
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Old 01-10-2019, 06:30 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,778 posts, read 18,676,916 times
Reputation: 24319
a simple no thank you to the bar tender or wait staff and then get up and leave and watch behind you while you go to your car too dangerous these day with date rape and drugging and too many weirdos out there for my liking .
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Old 01-10-2019, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,111 posts, read 10,237,116 times
Reputation: 32956
I love how threads sometimes bring out people's true intentions and inner thoughts on how they think the world works lol (not talking about OP).
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Old 01-10-2019, 09:10 AM
 
1,925 posts, read 942,050 times
Reputation: 5138
I love when people post in threads about how 'others' see the world, as if everyone has it backwards and he's the one on the right path. LOL.
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