People who don't enjoy the company of others (bitterness, insecure, feel)
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You have twenty plus friendships on some level but call yourself a loner? I think maybe your definition is a bit different than what some of the rest of us use. You sound like someone who does 'enjoy' the company of others and you seek out occasions to do so.
Personally I usually 'accept' being with others more than I 'enjoy' being with them. On those rare occasions I'm out with someone I know, it's generally at their suggestion and not mine. Because I'm terrible at being a friend, I don't seek friendships, I don't nurture them, and they usually fade away, and I know a lot of people don't understand but this is a choice. Friendships take consistency and effort and a willingness to share yourself, things that I'm not often willing to do, and I'm ok with not doing that.
You have twenty plus friendships on some level but call yourself a loner? I think maybe your definition is a bit different than what some of the rest of us use. You sound like someone who does 'enjoy' the company of others and you seek out occasions to do so.
Personally I usually 'accept' being with others more than I 'enjoy' being with them. On those rare occasions I'm out with someone I know, it's generally at their suggestion and not mine. Because I'm terrible at being a friend, I don't seek friendships, I don't nurture them, and they usually fade away, and I know a lot of people don't understand but this is a choice. Friendships take consistency and effort and a willingness to share yourself, things that I'm not often willing to do, and I'm ok with not doing that.
OK, I can’t argue with that, it’s honest. Friendships do have a price, and you do have to expend an effort. If the cost/benefit to you is clearly not worth it based on your experience and values, then solitude makes some sense. We all have different psychology, so I guess I will amend to say that most people need friends. But if you can truly and honestly say to yourself that they are not an objective value, then that’s that.
But I do reserve the right to observe that many people who live in solitude and have accepted not having friends are lonely and still would like to have them, even though they view the effort to go out and get them to be unacceptable for whatever reason.
Why does it bug YOU so much that some people do not care about emotional attachments anymore? It's not like we are hurting YOU intentionally. I'm sure if I were younger, employed, student, I would have at least acquaintances and perhaps make a friend but I do not, am not, so I accept and make the best of my situation. What is wrong with that? Would I prefer that my whole family was not dead? Would I prefer that I hadn't lost my house and had to accept a friend's invite to live more than 1,500 miles away from everything familiar? Of course I would! I made mistakes and now I pay for them. What's it to YOU? Do not judge others.
Aww, I am so sorry you feel lonely even though you have family. Boy, I wish my tiny family were still around! I understand your feeling though. I used to be blessed with a wonderful, loving albeit tiny family. I also used to have great friends that I spent hours on the phone with, just drop over or they did the dropping.
My question has to be WHY did you not connect with your family? What was it about them or you that caused a disconnect? Can't you visit and try to become a non-dysfunctional family?
We aren't a dysfunctional family at all. My brother and sister are a lot closer in age, and personality. The wife and I are there with my siblings almost every sunday. They always had so much going on in their lives, and I was always trying to do my own thing that I don't think that we ever really connected on a deeper level.
We aren't a dysfunctional family at all. My brother and sister are a lot closer in age, and personality. The wife and I are there with my siblings almost every sunday. They always had so much going on in their lives, and I was always trying to do my own thing that I don't think that we ever really connected on a deeper level.
Okie dokie then. I won't feel badly for you anymore.
Yes, I admit being one of those people who does not enjoy the company of others.
Well, most of the time.
For the most part, I do not invite people over to visit because I cherish my private time in my own place after the total exhaustion of dealing with people almost daily for almost 30 years.
I must push myself to go out and hang with folks but when doing so, it's certainly not fooling anyone. Most people can sense faking, but there are definitely times when I'm around people and actually like being around people... Unfortunately, even then, I come across as fake for having no real grasp of proper social interaction. I'm easy going on my own while home alone but never in public, have always been tense and aloof when carrying simple conservations - so going out for coffee or lunch with me would be a complete turn off, which is another reason why I have not dated much in my life and married only once to someone who basically had the same issues as myself.
I don't see there's an actual question here. It's not necessary that every post on here has to have an actual question. Some people want to share their life experiences and may want to hear stories from others. Some people have questions and want or need answers. Some people may want to rant or vent on here to release their stress, as long as they don't violate the c-d's rules, that's alright. Who want to chime in or not, it's up to them; who has sympathy and want to make those people to feel better, that's good. That's great things about the City Data Forums. Many people on here are grateful to this website, or thankful to the founder and the moderators.
I see it's not right for some people who come on here and criticize some other people and want to shut them up when they don't hear what they want to hear, or they want to ridicule others. That is bullying.
I'm very happy to get to know this website city-data.com. I've learned a lot from people on here, and I can get many good points from the posts and apply them to my work and personal life.
BTW, this February 22 is the International Stand Up to Bullying Day.
OP, you are not alone. Introverts like quietness and peacefulness. The good things about introverts are they are very independent, intelligent silently, not loud and arrogant, and they have inner strength. Enjoy your alone times to read good books, watch nice movies, work out to keep yourself healthy, and to ponder about things.
No one should pass judgment on anyone else not wanting to be social because everyone has had different life experiences. It's wonderful that some introverts/shy/atypical folks manage to find a person or two or three that they really click with, but others of us may never have crossed paths with those select few people who we really would enjoy spending time with and where it wouldn't seem like we were selling our souls or losing some brain cells in socializing with them. Some people live in very small communities, which can lower the odds. Others of us don't work or go to church or have kids which led to friendships with other parents.
Perhaps we could say that people who aren't currently socializing are too picky and are missing out on a few intimate, quality friendships if we knew for sure that they had the opportunity to have a satisfying friendship or two but turned it down. Like, for example, everyone had a session with a highly skilled friend matchmaker who evaluated each person's personality, interests, values, etc. and matched them up with a person/people who they were likely to be compatible with. But most of us don't have this opportunity. The closest I encountered to this was electronic platonic friend-making sites where you wrote and entered info about yourself (I actually did make two friends in this way and have enjoyed those friendships for years, but there were many attempts that didn't work out).
The worst thing that anyone can do of any age or any social/personality type can do is be unhappy with the status quo. It's okay to make some attempts to find compatible folks when the potential to do so outweighs the time, effort, and negative aspects of unsatisfying social interaction---but there is nothing more advantageous for mental/physical/spiritual health to be okay with what is and who you are. If that involves not socializing, then there's no issue. It's solitude, not loneliness.
No one should pass judgment on anyone else not wanting to be social because everyone has had different life experiences. It's wonderful that some introverts/shy/atypical folks manage to find a person or two or three that they really click with, but others of us may never have crossed paths with those select few people who we really would enjoy spending time with and where it wouldn't seem like we were selling our souls or losing some brain cells in socializing with them. Some people live in very small communities, which can lower the odds. Others of us don't work or go to church or have kids which led to friendships with other parents.
Perhaps we could say that people who aren't currently socializing are too picky and are missing out on a few intimate, quality friendships if we knew for sure that they had the opportunity to have a satisfying friendship or two but turned it down. Like, for example, everyone had a session with a highly skilled friend matchmaker who evaluated each person's personality, interests, values, etc. and matched them up with a person/people who they were likely to be compatible with. But most of us don't have this opportunity. The closest I encountered to this was electronic platonic friend-making sites where you wrote and entered info about yourself (I actually did make two friends in this way and have enjoyed those friendships for years, but there were many attempts that didn't work out).
The worst thing that anyone can do of any age or any social/personality type can do is be unhappy with the status quo. It's okay to make some attempts to find compatible folks when the potential to do so outweighs the time, effort, and negative aspects of unsatisfying social interaction---but there is nothing more advantageous for mental/physical/spiritual health to be okay with what is and who you are. If that involves not socializing, then there's no issue. It's solitude, not loneliness.
What is interesting about this is that my 2 close friends would never in a million years appear to be compatible with me on any imaginable objective matchmaking program. You would say that we should hate each other as our conscious convictions are polarly opposite. Nonetheless, chemistry is a funny thing and there is something in our core compatibility that defies intuition.
The reason it bugs you is that you wish you had friends to get together with. Man is a rational, social animal. It is not healthy to be a total loner who takes refuge in dogs and cats. You can enjoy being alone and enjoy your own company, but there is still an important part of psychology that should involve some friends and activities.
Not everyone is you. Just cause you like being around people doesn't mean others are like you.
It is not healthy to be a loner? Just cause you say that doesn't mean it's true.
If some people don't want friends and they aren't hurting anyone then you should mind your business and leave them alone.
I am basically a loner, but aside from my spouse, I have 2 close friends with whom I can discuss anything, and about 20 satellite friends who are a blast to hang out with now and then.
A person is NOT a loner if one has TWO close friends and 20 satellite friends.
That makes you sound like you do not really know what a loner is - for you, it's definitely not being alone in the world.
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I made mistakes and now I pay for them. What's it to YOU? Do not judge others.
I won't feel badly for you anymore.
