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My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
My opinion on this is that it is better to help family members than send it to organizations that have a very high-paid community organizer reaping the benefits.
We are doing our best to no longer pay high salaries to professional fund raisers. If you send it directly to your relatives, they may get into good shape and will be able to help you out if your investments take a nose dive. Blood is thicker than water.
I don't think there's one right way or one wrong way to handle this sort of situation. Each member of each family is different.
I wouldn't give a penny to ANYONE who wouldn't appreciate it, or who would expect me to give it to them just because I have it and they don't.
On the other hand, I am very generous with any family member who I know is appreciative and/or who has had a run of bad luck (as opposed to someone whose continued poor choices continue to complicate their lives - one scenario is a fluke of luck and the other is a lifestyle).
I would certainly help the family who needs it, who appreciates it, and who doesn't ask for it just because you have it. Help out the family that doesn't ask for more than they need, and give them more. It is not your responsibility to help anyone but it would be extremely selfish of you and your husband to not help out a very deserving family.
Interesting replies so far but let me clarify my question:
My brothers and sisters think we should share out wealth and basically send them a supplemental income based on the fact that we are doing so well and they are not.
While we are not millionaires, should the hard working but working class low paid brother and sister live a life of struggle if their brother or sister was wealthy? Or should the wealthy sister help support financially their poor brothers and sisters because they are family? (I am not talking about a full support but if the working class brothers and sisters are working full time and just getting by, should the rich family member send them a regular check because they are family?)
If you found out one of Bill Gates's brothers or sisters were living near the poverty line but working full time, would you think less of Bill Gates?
If you found out one of Bill Gates's brothers or sisters were living near the poverty line but working full time, would you think less of Bill Gates?
I sure would!
Gates could give each of his family members $100 million and still have billions left over. That's not your situation at all, though.
I think if I was in your place I'd pay off their car loans or something along those lines. That would definitely help with their monthly expenses. Then see how they proceed from there. If they're responsible, then maybe pay off a credit card balance if they turn the card over to you. Possibly buy their kid's textbooks for them if they're in college.
Give them a regular check with no strings attached?
Nope.
But that's just me. I doubt I'll ever be in a position where I'm much better off than my brothers, so it's something I won't face. Only you can decide how to go forward with this, and you're the only one familiar with them and their finances.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour)
This is NOT "working class"
$10 an hour for an adult is barely subsistence and indicates a lack of the skills or personal
responsibility to a) have gained useful skills or b) be worth more for longevity/maturity.
If you're inclined to help them... it isn't about giving them cash.
Focus on the NEXT generation.
Last edited by MrRational; 06-25-2013 at 03:43 PM..
My educated guess is that very few siblings would give other siblings support money as you describe. And it bothers me that they would ask and expect it regularly. Asking for important one-off contributions in tough times is more appropriate and commonplace.
Is there any way you can help them find better jobs instead? Depending on location, it shouldn't be that hard going from minimum wage to something decent, especially since they are hardworkers. But on your "payroll" they probably won't work to better themselves. Alot of good people are really, really poor job seekers, just not aware of what's out there and how to get it.
I have a divorced sister who dropped out of HS, ended up getting a GED, and has two kids. She lives in a house my parents bought her in an uppity suburb "Because of the kids". We don't have any kids and don't get any help. Not that we need it or that I would expect it but as someone who is dealing with the same exact thing I feel like poor choices are rewarded and good planning is punished.
I think taking them out to dinner every now and then or giving them a hand-me-down lawn mower or something will help them out without you having to write them a check. Once you give money they'll expect it.
If you give money to people who make poor choices with money, they will continue to make those same poor choices. Not only that, but it will breed resentment. You will be resentful when you see them spending your money on stuff you wouldn't have, and they will become resentful when the money you send them no longer feels like enough and they'll want more. It's better if you use the cash to help them invest in themselves. Help them pay for college courses for themselves, or set up college funds for their children. Or, contribute to their retirement funds. Offer to pay for family vacations. Outright cash? No way.
It sounds like they are actually asking for money, but if they aren't, you should clarify what their expectations are before you start helping them out. We are by no means wealthy, but are doing better than some of my family, so I used to pay more than my fair share for group purchases. Come to find out, I was deeply offending one of my siblings when I did this. I had good intentions, but instead of helping, I was actually damaging our relationship. Just something to keep in mind. .
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