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Zoisite, it sounds like you're describing a "Bachelorette Party" rather than a shower.
A "shower" (in my neck of the woods) is usually held on a Sunday afternoon, at a local rental hall, with a catered meal, silly games and lovely gifts for the bride. Gifts like linens, cookware, dishes, etc. In attendance are the bride's mother, female relatives, her bridal attendants, the groom's mom and female relatives, bride's friends, co-workers.
The Bachelorette party is much like you described except it doesn't usually include more than the bridal attendants and a few of the bride's closest friends. They generally do a pub crawl with the bride in a veil and the giving of tacky erotic gifts. All in good fun. The exclusion of the "elder" women is the idea of the younger women who feel embarrassment at letting it all hang out in front of Moms and grandmas.
I got married in 2008 and my second bridal shower was a combination of what you and Zoisite described.
It was held in a church basement on a Sunday afternoon with homemade food and punch (no alcohol), but there was a bit of naughtiness and lots of giggling as well as a few gifts of the lingerie and marital aid variety mixed in with more practical gifts like canning jars, kitchen towels, and the like. I'd known all the older women for years, some since babyhood. It was a lot of fun. I do recall one of the silly games was a touch raunchy--some sort of fill-in-the-card marital advice thing. The older ladies were the naughtier ones! Every generation seems to think that it invented sex and different sexual activities, it seems....and the older ladies love to disabuse the younger ones of that notion.
Neither children nor men were present except for one of the bridesmaid's husband who came at the end to help with cleaning and packing up. Call me old-fashioned (and I'm not even that old!), but I'd say it's safe to say that the vast majority of men have zero interest in attending a hen party or making it co-ed. My ex's buddies took him golfing the day of my first shower, which was at our house and hosted by his sister.
My first shower which was held at my house was a bit more posh (but not catered--just a nice homemade luncheon) with gifts that were more like wedding gifts than bridal shower gifts. It was also fun, but the second of the two was my favorite.
Down here, a "bouquet" is made out of the ribbons and bows using a paper plate for a base that is later held by the bride at the wedding rehearsal.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 11-09-2020 at 07:20 PM..
Our bridal showers can happen at any time and take place in the privacy of the homes of the maid of honour or a mother, sister or auntie or some other woman friend with a house big enough to accomodate a large group, and they're traditionally secret surprise parties for the bride. They're for women only, well organized and it's arranged ahead of time for somebody to be responsible for getting the bride to the bridal shower at a set time after everybody else has arrived at the house. Usually it's the fiance is let in on the secret and he's the one that sees to it that the bride arrives and gets dropped off at the party at the right time. When she arrives and walks in the door everyone there jumps out and yells "Surprise!" and then it's party-party time with everyone letting it all hang out. There's tons of food and beverages contributed by everyone there, enough to suit everyone. Lots of organized games, laughter, jokes and rowdiness that you couldn't get away with at public places. A joke bridal veil is made out of all the ribbons from the gift boxes and wrapping.
When I was a young woman, that's the way bridal (and baby) showers were conducted. A big surprise for the bride (mom-to-be). And that's the way I enjoyed them.
The cost of throwing a bridal shower the way it's done now is nuts. Paying for a hall; a caterer; a gift; it's enough to bankrupt a person. And it's generally paid for by the moms of the bride and groom. Which is a whole breach of etiquette. Or else it's paid for by the bridal attendants, who already have enough expenses connected with the wedding.
All my kids (all boys) are married. I'm telling all the grandkids ELOPE!
Since she has everything, I'd get her an appt with an estate attorney.
Now that I've read how the family values "things" over people, I think this makes the most sense.
* missed opportunity...
That was MY comment about myself.
The joke was on me. In fact, my family is so into relationships and extremely social. I'm the black sheep since I had to work 2-3 jobs at a time throughout my life.
That was kind of a bad job blaming myself when I couldn't see what was ahead of me and yes, it was a missed opportunity only I was such a dumb bunny, I didn't know it at the time.
I would say my family (extended - sibs, nieces, nephews, etc) is one of the most well rounded, normal ones out there and they are always doing FOR others not themselves. (I'm the one always working).
Plus, that happened almost 40 years ago.
It shows I wasn't a gold digger type person and I was just saying you could meet someone at a wedding.
Find out if the bride-to-be has a registry anywhere. Ask her friends what they think would be a good gift.
I would stay away from gift cards for wedding couple. It shows that you did not take the time to shop around for a present.
Traditionally, wedding presents were to be used in the home such as appliances, dishes, glasses, flatware, table cloths and napkins, bed linen, and so on.
Gift cards are wonderful! It is better then getting something, you hate, or can`t use.
Bride is 33. Never married. Finally found the right one.
One of my nieces.
She's been living on her own for 15 years - has a lot of personal items also.
Went on her website 2 weeks ago and she's gotten everything!
Gift certificates are about the laziest thing ever. What's more, not only does it lack any thought, but it actually puts a dollar amount on their relationship with you. You might as well hand her an envelope with cash in it.
Surely where you live, there's a cool shop selling interesting knickknacks and the whatnot. Spend twenty minutes there and buy something that seems to fit her personality. She'll remember who gave it to her a lot longer than she would a place setting.
Gift certificates are about the laziest thing ever. What's more, not only does it lack any thought, but it actually puts a dollar amount on their relationship with you. You might as well hand her an envelope with cash in it.
Surely where you live, there's a cool shop selling interesting knickknacks and the whatnot. Spend twenty minutes there and buy something that seems to fit her personality. She'll remember who gave it to her a lot longer than she would a place setting.
I would argue the point a bit with this one by citing two examples from my own experience as a bride:
At my first shower, one of the guests gave me a pair of restaurant gift certificates (along with a small token gift that I still have and use) with the idea that they would be used during the week leading up to the wedding. Since my mother and I were busy that week with making the wedding cookies and doing the last minute running around that always comes with a wedding, I was so very grateful for those certificates! One less thing to have to think about, let alone pay for.
Another guest at that same shower, who knew that my ex-husband and I were spending twenty-four hours in Las Vegas on our way to our California honeymoon, gave us a gift certificate to Bouchon. (She followed that up with a signed copy of The French Laundry cookbook as a wedding gift.)
Between the showers and the wedding, my former husband I also received several Target and Macy's gift cards, the latter of which we stacked to put towards the purchase of a dining room set. My ex and I were in our thirties when we married, so while we did need/want some things, we didn't need much as we'd both maintained our own separate households for years.
It's been twelve years since those showers, but I still remember who gave me/us those gift certificates since they were so specific.
If you went to the website that she was registered at and she's already gotten everything she was registered for then I would give something that she would not register for on a public website due to modesty.
I've been to enough bridal showers and seen plenty of brides being gifted with intimate wedding night/honeymoon gifts that have always gone over well. I'd make up a gift box of assorted things that are tastefully intimate, romantic, sexy and a little bit racy, enticing and playful but classy (never anything trashy or over the top) that are designed specifically to enhance the couple's conjugal pleasures and play time in bed on their wedding night and honeymoon.
Perhaps choose a selection of things like small bottles of edible massage creams and oils and massage tools or scented and flavoured intimate lubricants, a bottle of pink champagne or fancy strawberry liqueur with two crystal glasses to go by the bedside together with delectable, exotic chocolate dipped goodies (you can never go wrong with honeyed Turkish Delights, Baclava, sugar dusted Fruit Gelees, Rose & Citrus Gelees, heart shaped cookies, etc.), rose scented candles for the bedroom, specialized intimate wash cloths and towels for the bed side tables, an erotic illustrated book of sexual foreplay and positions, a book of romantic poetry, a long soft feather for sensual tickling, etc. ....... get the idea? Playful stuff for the person who already has everything else they need.
If those kinds of ideas fail or if I thought they would not appeal to a particular type of bride, then I would just give a general purpose gift card.
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Romantic sexy gifts from my aunt? Oh please no! Straight into the trash. These are my mother's sisters! Ew.
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You read that incorrectly
