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This is so true. I married a native of NC and she tells me the same thing. It's just natural for a southern to be nice to your face but you just don't know what they really feel about you. But, when she mets a Northerner (like Me) she feels they say what they mean and you know where you stand with them.
You have summed up what I think is the biggest cultural issue.
Some Southeners view Northern blunt honesty as rude, while many Notherners view the rather passive aggressive Southern uber-politeness to one's face, while saying 'Bless their heart, aren't they just as tiresome as an in-law' behind their back as less the polite (to say the least) is the base of many misunderstandings.
As another poster pointed out, I'd love to combine the two. Northern social honesty with Southern social politeness. It would be hard to beat....and stronger then both it's parts.
I hope that children in the south never stop addressing adults by their proper salutation.
I am 30 years old and recently my father's best friend who I have known for 25 of my 30 years said "Tony, you're an adult. You don't have to call me Mr. Smith anymore. Just call me Bob."
Reading this thread I can't help but to think of what senior enlisted military (usually Army) members would (gruffly) reply to my customary address of "Sir". It always tickled me. "Don't call me Sir. I work for a living."
Not to cause an explosion, but during my 17 years in the South, I was always mystified that the natives, would make such a big deal out of saying Mr. Bob or Ms. Sally, but in the same breath could use racial epithets without any conscience at all. Seemed hypocritical to me.
PS-My mom was raised in Western NC, but ended up living most of her adult life in Michigan. She has often said how refreshing she found being called by her first name by children. She never said it made her feel disrespected. On the contrary, she said it made her feel like the kids liked her as a person.
Just an observation.
Manners and common courtesy as in "Stay in L.A." or "Go home Yankee" before comedians from California or the North even hit the stage at the local comedy clubs. I've been all over the U.S. and I must say Charlotte is one of the more hateful, narrowminded, mean-spirited places I've ever had the misfortune of visiting. In addition to the hateful whites, there's a prevailing sense of tension from the blacks...which I'm guessing probably started from the hateful whites. Now that's the "big city" of Charlotte, forget about Greensboro and all the other little s---hole towns. [mod]express your opinions without insulting, please[/mod]. Cheerwine might be good...but it's not worth a trip to North Carolina.
You also have to keep in mind that the children who call their parents "M'am" and "Sir" will grow up to be just like their parents. Sort of defeats the purpose.
We NC's are not afraid of change; in fact change is good and it is necessary. What we resent is when people come and try to make CHANGE for our own good. It would be like a new roommate that you welcome in your home to live. And this new guest comes in your home and tells you that your home is not decorated tastefully and the walls are painted the wrong color so they call a decorator to redecorate and then they call in a painter to repaint. This person tells you that now your home is the way it should be and you will be much happier. Now, you had been thinking that you would like to change your furniture or paint the walls a different color, but when to make these changes is your choice; after all it's your home right. Your home has always been very comfortable and inviting and you have had many guests come in that are completely satisfied with the decor and coloring.
We North Carolinians are just asking for the respect you would show when going into someone's home. We don't need to know what needs to be changed. As a matter of fact we already know...we just move at a little slower pace.
Great discussion - I'm reminded to revive it...regular as clockwork, in conversations when I mention we retired to NC, I say that one of the things that I like is that people are so nice, and I get "that look" with a touch of a smirky smile, and the comment "yes...but be careful"...they're southerners...just watch your back".
Now, if southerners are that way to newcomers, aren't they that way to each other, and haven't they been that way for ages? And, if so, do THEY like their interpersonal relationships to be so disingenuous?
Could we hear from some of the natives on this please? Do you like your relationships to be less than candid and sincere? Someone said it would be nice to combine the candor of the northerner with the politeness of the southerner. Why do these qualities have to be mutually exclusive? Plenty of northerners are honest and open and thoughtfully polite. Why is the southerner so often characterized as being two-faced? Does that mean that I can't trust any native North Carolinians as meaning what they say, and saying what they mean? That would be a disappointing and sad way to live in a place that has so much to offer in other ways.
To carry Southward's thought further- so often growing up I heard, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Is this a southern belief? Does it prevent one from being candid and sincere?
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Southern cooking
