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What??? My perspective that a culdesac is safer than a through street is partly to blame for some jerk running over kids' toys and revving his engine when my kid was behind his truck???
I just said I don't advocate playing directly in the street, but honestly, even if I did, I don't think I am at all to blame for this guy's behavior. If something my kids were doing was a problem for this man (and I don't think they have done anything that bothered him--he's just trying to make a statement to the neighbor lady who originally confronted him, and her daughter was the one my daughter was riding with), the appropriate thing for him to do would be to bring it to my attention and ask me to fix it. And I would! I'm a very agreeable person. I want everyone to get along, and I know that my kids aren't perfect.
I agree with you 100%. I don't know how anyone could rationize this guy's behavior, even if they dislike kids. All he had to do was calmly mention he didn't like the kids being in the street and I'm sure you and your neighbors would've fixed it. Gunning his engine when a kid is directly behind him, running over bike ramps, screaming at neighbors...this guy is a major a-hole.
We just moved into a new neighborhood. It's new construction, so all the neighbors are pretty new. We paid a lot premium to live on a culdesac because we have kids. It has been great--the neighbors are awesome, the kids play in the culdesac while the adults visit. We love it!
But last weekend the neighbor we haven't met yet came speeding through the neighborhood and almost hit one of the other kids. Another mom calmly approached this guy to express her concern. (I watched all of this from my garage, where I happened to be working.) the guy flew off the handle, yelling the f-word at this lady and ordering her off his property. Another neighbor (father of the child who was almost hit) came out to try to calm things down and the guy just kept going. He ended up calling the cops (!), claiming this lady was threatening him. It was insane.
The next day, my husband was outside while our daughter and the neighbor's daughter were riding around on a little kiddy four-wheeler. Crazy neighbor got in his truck, and when the little girls rode around in his direction, when they were directly behind him, he revved his engine like mad!!! My husband and the other parents ran over to get them out of his way. He got out of his truck (because he didn't have any intention of going anywhere at all), looked at my husband, and just shrugged his shoulders and went inside! Can you even believe it!
The cops who came out after that incident were the same ones from the first episode, and even they were surprised that this is happening in a neighborhood like ours. These are very nice homes, fairly classy people. Who acts like this?!?
Oh, and this guy swerved his truck to break the neighbor's bike ramp that was up against the curb.
So what do we do now? None of us feel safe letting our kids ride their bikes I our culdesac, which is terrible because that's exactly why we all paid several thousand dollars extra just to live here.
We were thinking of trying to make friends with this guy, because that's the only way I'm going to feel safe letting my kids play out there. All the legal intervention in the world won't make me feel safe, but I'm willing to forget about these things and move forward. We were planning on going over with some homemade cookies to formally introduce ourselves (since we still haven't actually met this guy), and to genuinely try to get to know this guy and his poor wife (who must be humiliated--they were fighting on their porch about the first incident).
BUT today we found out that he went to the courthouse and filed some kind of complaint against our neighbor, and now she has to go to court over it!
Can our HOA boot this guy if enough neighbors file enough complaints? What are our options? What are your suggestions? I don't want to live like this (everyone calling the cops and pressing charges and threatening my kids, etc). I'm just so sad.
So your neighbor had a radar gun and was able to tell how fast he was speeding? Is your neighbor deputized and authorized to confront someone over alleged speeding? Do you have security video footage of the incident?
Next time, if you feel a law has been violated, call the police. I have lived in neighborhoods like that, and it's hilarious to see the way people who live on streets feel as though they are enforcers. The guy had every right to be outraged that the woman said something to him. He was likely driving 28mph in a 25 zone and kids were playing.. what.. in the freaking street? You do realize streets are for cars, not for pickup basketball or street hockey. Just because you live on a dead-end doesn't change that. In fact, I'm beginning to think that maybe the driver should have called the cops on the neighbor!
So your neighbor had a radar gun and was able to tell how fast he was speeding? Is your neighbor deputized and authorized to confront someone over alleged speeding? Do you have security video footage of the incident?
Next time, if you feel a law has been violated, call the police. I have lived in neighborhoods like that, and it's hilarious to see the way people who live on streets feel as though they are enforcers. The guy had every right to be outraged that the woman said something to him. He was likely driving 28mph in a 25 zone and kids were playing.. what.. in the freaking street? You do realize streets are for cars, not for pickup basketball or street hockey. Just because you live on a dead-end doesn't change that. In fact, I'm beginning to think that maybe the driver should have called the cops on the neighbor!
So, if it had been me, I probably wouldn't have confronted the guy, because that's just not my style. I would have ignored it unless it was a repeated problem. BUT her poor handling of the situation still isn't justification for destruction of property or threatening little 6-year-old girls. Honestly, it's very enlightening to see comments like this. Now I realize there are even more people like this out there. I guess I'm lucky we only have one of them living on our street.
Oh, and the guy did call the cops on her. That was the first incident, blown out of proportion.
Anyway, we were planning on going over this weekend with our peace offering and a dinner invitation. But now that our friend has to appear in court to defend herself, we feel like we should be there to support her. And how is that going to look to this guy after we tried to strike up a friendship? But we can't just leave the other neighbor high and dry. I don't want her to think that we're taking this guy's "side". But I don't want to close the door on possibly getting along with him. But, but, but...
What do we do???
I would not invite this man into my home until I had had the opportunity to satisfy myself that he was a stable, normal person. Sorry, but there are too many red flags in what you have posted regarding his behavior. If you want to get to know him, and to attempt to have a do-over in establishing decent relations with the neighbors, I would suggest a block party. Outside, in the cul de sac. If you need a police permit to close off the street, then do so. Invite everyone on the cul de sac and perhaps down the block, depending upon how long the rest of the street is. Whether or not he and his wife attend is up to them (you could try contacting the wife privately to find a date that works for them), but a block party will give you a chance to get to know him in a "neutral" space with others around, and including him will make it clear that everyone really wants to get along. You might want to wait until the legal issues have been resolved, so that your other neighbor feels more comfortable attending.
The facts as presented make the neighbor guy out to be a real jerk. And if everything has happened exactly as described, then he is one. But is this the complete picture?
How fast was the guy really driving? (On a small street, 20 mph can sound like speeding to a pedestrian.)
Did the mom who confronted him actually do so politely and calmly, or--more likely, since she thought her kid had been threatened--did she start yelling at him, perhaps cursing at him? Was she in the street still or on his property? If someone comes onto your property and starts accusing you at the top of their lungs, do you owe that person a polite response?
When he "revved the engine like mad," was this in his own driveway? And had these girls just ridden their bikes to where he was, positioning themselves (bafflingly) right behind his vehicle? I could see how he would find that irritating and demonstrating a lack of parenting or common sense. Maybe he thought revving the engine was the least confrontational way to tell them he was about to back up. I can imagine if he'd gotten out of his vehicle scolded them, the mommies would have had a conniption.
We have a similar situation on our street; some neighbors near the end of the street have a basketball goal at the curb, and their kids play in the street all the time. I actually don't begrudge the kids playing in the street--we did so when I was a kid--but what I find beyond the pale is that the parents have to put pylons around their playing area. This makes drivers have to go briefly to the oncoming-traffic side of the street. Our street adjoins a very busy main thoroughfare of Arlington, so folks are often turning onto our street at the full speed limit--especially on the way home from work--to find themselves suddenly facing the pylons and kids. When a car comes, move out of the way! Drivers shouldn't have to navigate around your pylons, which are not legal anyway.
I keep telling my wife "One of these days, I'm gonna run right over their g-ddamn pylons"--but then she cajoles me and begs me not to start a war with the neighbors, and so I never do.
I think some parents have a sense of entitlement and are bad at teaching their kids to respect the rights of others.
And why are these cul-de-sac kids not using their backyards at all? I think SOME bike-riding there is OK, but they shouldn't be taking over a public area for their exclusive use. Have them stick the curb. And try to keep them from riding right when people get home from work. If they're too young to go riding on other neighborhood streets, they're probably safer in the backyard anyway.
Last edited by Carlingtonian; 07-19-2013 at 11:41 AM..
This is exactly how I feel. I don't feel like employing legal or other regulatory enforcement is a good long-term solution. And I don't want that kind of neighborhood culture. That's why we were prepared to just forget everything that has already happened and just try to make friends with this guy.
Anyway, we were planning on going over this weekend with our peace offering and a dinner invitation. But now that our friend has to appear in court to defend herself, we feel like we should be there to support her. And how is that going to look to this guy after we tried to strike up a friendship? But we can't just leave the other neighbor high and dry. I don't want her to think that we're taking this guy's "side". But I don't want to close the door on possibly getting along with him. But, but, but...
What do we do???
I am dumbstruck that you are trying to appease both sides because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/offend anyone/be nice to everyone, even though according to YOU, this guy is unbalanced. If you truly believe that a dinner invitation is your next step, then you are offbalanced. If you're not willing to take a stand and ultimately choose a right and wrong, then it would appear that your preference is to just gossip about this matter and "do" nothing.
If you haven't already offered the dinner invitation, then my suggestion would be not to and to proceed according to something I read a long time ago regarding neighbor situations: "polite but detached"
If you want to get to know him, and to attempt to have a do-over in establishing decent relations with the neighbors, I would suggest a block party. Outside, in the cul de sac. If you need a police permit to close off the street, then do so. Invite everyone on the cul de sac and perhaps down the block, depending upon how long the rest of the street is. Whether or not he and his wife attend is up to them (you could try contacting the wife privately to find a date that works for them), but a block party will give you a chance to get to know him in a "neutral" space with others around, and including him will make it clear that everyone really wants to get along. You might want to wait until the legal issues have been resolved, so that your other neighbor feels more comfortable attending.
Of course, on the flip side, if he gets ticked off with you using the cul-de-sac again for anything other than driving, then he could rev his engine and this time crash (literally!) the party!
When he "revved the engine like mad," was this in his own driveway? And had these girls just ridden their bikes to where he was, positioning themselves (bafflingly) right behind his vehicle? I could see how he would find that irritating and demonstrating a lack of parenting or common sense. Maybe he thought revving the engine was the least confrontational way to tell them he was about to back up. I can imagine if he'd gotten out of his vehicle scolded them, the mommies would have had a conniption.
I agree with most of your post, but I find the engine revving incident appalling. I don't know if it's less confrontational than other approaches but it definitely sounds more dangerous to do that with a little kid directly behind you. I'd rather someone just yell at my kid.
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