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Again I really appreciate all the wonderful advice and heartfelt responses. I truly think you are a great and caring group of parents
I spoke with my son's principal and she said
"I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that the boy in question was dealt with very severely by me and his parents punished him as well. I wanted to know that we are not ignoring this incident and take these things very seriously."
She was being very secretive though. I guess as Hopes said she is not legally allowed to give further details like the punishment that was given or the name of the boy.
I told her I know the boy and his mother and I know that he is constantly getting in trouble at school. I told her my son was kicked by David yesteday. My son didn't tell anyone though. I have to have a good talk with him and tell him he needs ot stand up for himself and tell the teacher.
If this happens just one more time I am going down to the school myself, knocking on the principal's door and telingl her that I am going to get the police involved or get David suspended/expelled as he is in my son's class and my son is not safe with that boy around
The worst part is that he probably doesn't WANT to be this way.....he wants to be accepted into the pack, but he doesn't know why they don't like him. It's a viscous circle and he doesn't know how to change things. The statements about him getting frustrated to the point of tears over not understanding homework, etc. speaks volumes about the wheels in his brain spinning but not going anywhere. He's obviously got something going on with "impulse control" and "focusing".
Dead on.
And as a kid in school, there is nothing worse than having the majority of kids in your class not like you but not knowing why.
Kids won't be friends with you because you lack social skills, but you can't acquire and practice said social skills because you don't have any friends to practice with. Catch 22.
"I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that the boy in question was dealt with very severely by me and his parents punished him as well. I wanted to know that we are not ignoring this incident and take these things very seriously."
She was being very secretive though. I guess as Hopes said she is not legally allowed to give further details like the punishment that was given or the name of the boy.
Even though she is evasive, you can still mention that you expect them to use all resources available to help David overcome his problems instead of just punishing him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan
If this happens just one more time I am going down to the school myself, knocking on the principal's door and telingl her that I am going to get the police involved or get David suspended/expelled as he is in my son's class and my son is not safe with that boy around
Why won't you write the letter insisting they get him HELP?
This is so sad. Suspending/expelling David is going to just push David to hit and kick another group of children at another school. Until a school does the right thing by David and gives him the proper help he needs, David will just be pushed from school to school. That's not protecting anyone but the children at your school who never see David outside of school. That's not protecting society from David now and when he gets older.
And since David LIVES IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, you should want the school to do BETTER than expel him and give him help instead. At his age, expelling and police involvement isn't going to protect your son from him in the neighborhood. Elementary school aged children aren't sent to jail. It will make matters worse because David's problems are partly due to not knowing how to fit in and expelling him and making him a criminal will further add to that.
I understand your 'wanting to protect your own' but that's not really solving the problem. Society will be better off if David receives help. If you're not concerned for society, insist he receives help for the sake of your own son. They are going to live in the same neighborhood together for many years.
Plus, your son will learn something valuable by his watching you advocating on behalf of David instead of talking like David is BAD.
Try to see the big picture. Find some compassion. I'm not saying to let your son be hit. I'm saying do whatever you can to force the school to get David help.
What's even sadder is that your plan won't even protect your son and could make things worse.
Hopes I do have compassion. Please don't imply that I don't care. As a parent the first person I am thinking of is my son. I also have 2 other very young kids.
What about David's parents? Should they not be the ones trying to help their own son? I can't be responsible for everyone elses kids. I wish I could help every child out there but realistically I can't.
My son was the one was abused here. I am sick and tired of it. I don't want it to continue. David and my son do not live in the same neighbourhood. My son is picked up by the bus and dropped off in David's neighbourhood. I live about 20 minutes from David.
I need to protect MY son first and worry about David SECOND. If the school is not going to do anything further then my only recourse is to see if they will get David expelled. I don't think its fair that we should have to live in fear of David.
Who is to say that David can even be helped?
I am concerned that perhaps as you suggested before David is being abused. How do I go about saying that to the principal. I can't accuse his parents of soemthing so horrible without proof.
Last edited by KylieEve; 10-22-2010 at 01:55 PM..
Reason: .
Hopes I do have compassion. Please don't imply that I don't care. As a parent the first person I am thinking of is my son. I also have 2 other very young kids.
What about David's parents? Should they not be the ones trying to help their own son? I can't be responsible for everyone elses kids. I wish I could help every child out there but realistically I can't.
My son was the one was abused here. I am sick and tired of it. I don't want it to continue. David and my son do not live in the same neighbourhood. My son is picked up by the bus and dropped off in David's neighbourhood. I live about 20 minutes from David.
I need to protect MY son first and worry about David SECOND. If the school is not going to do anything further then my only recourse is to see if they will get David expelled. I don't think its fair that we should have to live in fear of David.
Who is to say that David can even be helped?
I am concerned that perhaps as you suggested before David is being abused. How do I go about saying that to the principal. I can't accuse his parents of soemthing so horrible without proof.
I think it's quite simple, actually. If I were in this situation, I'd say to the prinicipal, "while it's clear David is out of line and acts very inappropriatley, I think there's something else such as abuse or a learning disability going on here"..
Expelling/calling the police isn't gonna help anything. An angry child who gets an angry response is just going to make things worse.
You're missing the point. Calling the police and getting David expelled is NOT going to protect your son because David lives in your neighborhood. David Second lives in your neighborhood too. Calling the police on elementary school aged children of neighbors is going to cause permanent, long term problems of retaliation against your children thoughout their lives with the children of the David Clan. Sure, you can keep calling the police everytime or you can try to see to it David gets whatever help the school can get him now. Do you REALLY want to continually spend your time in court multiple times a year or year after year?
I'm just pointing out that you could create HUGE problems if YOU are the one who calls the police. You know what----I'd be asking the principal why it isn't school policy for the school to call the police when children are assulted. In my school district, the police are always called. They don't press charges against elementary school aged children, but they do a good job of helping children understand the serious consquences of assult. When schools have this policy, it protects the children and parents from the other family. Instead of a family calling the police, schools should call the police. I like it how it's done by my district in that regard.
David's parents might not even know the school has other other resources available to help David. You have that knowledge because you're in education.
As for being concerned about abuse but not wanting to outright accuse, THAT'S another reason to insist the school gets David help via a psychological evaluation AND counseling with the school psychologist. If he's in counseling, there's a chance the counselor can identify abuse if abuse is happening.
Hopes I do have compassion. Please don't imply that I don't care. As a parent the first person I am thinking of is my son. I also have 2 other very young kids.
What about David's parents? Should they not be the ones trying to help their own son? I can't be responsible for everyone elses kids. I wish I could help every child out there but realistically I can't.
My son was the one was abused here. I am sick and tired of it. I don't want it to continue. David and my son do not live in the same neighbourhood. My son is picked up by the bus and dropped off in David's neighbourhood. I live about 20 minutes from David.
I need to protect MY son first and worry about David SECOND. If the school is not going to do anything further then my only recourse is to see if they will get David expelled. I don't think its fair that we should have to live in fear of David.
Who is to say that David can even be helped?
I am concerned that perhaps as you suggested before David is being abused. How do I go about saying that to the principal. I can't accuse his parents of soemthing so horrible without proof.
You do NOT have to accuse his parents of anything. You just need to let the principal know that you think David needs psychological help since he is in trouble so much. A letter in writing would make the school take some action if they are not doing so and would show them that you have some empathy and compassion for this little boy.
As someone else said, it is unlikely that he *wants* to be this way. The only way to change that is with real help. Otherwise, this child will be just another statistic in the prison system someday. If he gets help now, it may be possible to avoid this.
I think it's quite simple, actually. If I were in this situation, I'd say to the prinicipal, "while it's clear David is out of line and acts very inappropriatley, I think there's something else such as abuse or a learning disability going on here"..
That's a very good way to slide abuse into the principals mind. Since he has a learning disability, I recommend not mentioning that since the principal could possibly just write it off to a learning disability. Perhaps tweek it a little and say, "while it's clear David is out of line and acts very inappropriatley, I think there's something else such as abuse or mental illness."
You do NOT have to accuse his parents of anything. You just need to let the principal know that you think David needs psychological help since he is in trouble so much. A letter in writing would make the school take some action if they are not doing so and would show them that you have some empathy and compassion for this little boy.
I strongly recommend writing a letter. Schools don't take conversations seriously.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053
As someone else said, it is unlikely that he *wants* to be this way. The only way to change that is with real help. Otherwise, this child will be just another statistic in the prison system someday. If he gets help now, it may be possible to avoid this.
This could be the case for many people in the prison system. If society cared to help them when they were young, they might not have turned out the way they did. This 'looking out for our own' mentality is partly why society is in the mess it's in today because the root causes are ignored.
I hope all the people responsible for him don't just give up on the kid or push him and his problems somewhere else. There's a lot more going on with this kid that just him hitting other kids...
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