My son failed math, so I grounded him for the entire summer. Need parenting help! (boy, appropriate)

[CMMom]

Rules without a relationship lead to rebellion.

This strategy will backfire on you if it hasn't already. I can't add much more to what everyone else has said already.

Once you've gone through with this, any damage to your relationship with your son will be done and it will be exceedingly hard to reverse. Is it worth it the risk you're taking?

[90sman]

You are definitely going overboard. He's a 15 year old teenager boy, he needs socialization and privacy.

Maybe he really was struggling in math. How was he doing in his other classes? Many people struggle in the mathematics department, particularly Algebra. I was in severe danger of not graduating because I was failing Algebra, even with help, I still had trouble understanding it. But I was doing just fine in my other classes. Luckily, there was an online class I could take to make up my Algebra/math credits.

But as I said, you ARE definitely being too harsh on him. Grounding him with absolutely no socialization and privacy for 3 WHOLE MONTHS is ridiculous. You're only going to make him resent you and will not help him understand math.

[kahncss]

I am so hoping you are a troll. I can't imagine any child living under your roof w/ your rules. I bet your son is counting the days until he moves out.

Just in case this is true and for others w/ children struggling, there are many great online resources available. I know in our area, there is a virtual school online that is credited. If my child was failing or doing poorly, I would be on top of it at the sight of the first progress report.

[pythonis]

Originally Posted by kahskye

I am so hoping you are a troll. I can't imagine any child living under your roof w/ your rules. I bet your son is counting the days until he moves out

In my sophomore year i failed science so i ended up having to go to summer school. I was also had my TV privileges taken away. Well, i made top of my class which was largely because i wasnt focusing on watching TV but studying. In fact, after that i was only allowed to watch TV on the weekends (didnt bother me really since there was nothing really good to watch). So stuff like this does happen and no not everyone "counts the days" to move out.

[pythonis]

Oh and not sure what the OP's definition of grounding is but when we were grounded it was No tv,no phone, no radio, no toys, no games, no bikes, no skateboards, room stays clean, no visiting friends, no having friends visit, no leaving the yard except to go to school, come straight home from school, immediately start on homework and studying until bedtime (usually around 9PM) and if school wasnt in then we could either twiddle our thumbs or read the Bible.

Funny thing is it taught us how to do without.

[gizmo980]

Originally Posted by lauramc27

This IMO is way overboard. Since you knew math was difficult for him why did you not get proactive and get him a tutor. For some, no amount of studying, even 8 hours, will make them understand.

Actually, making a child study one subject for 8 hours/day could HURT their chances... I've been a private tutor (and librarian) for years, and we'd never recommend such a thing. I work with students for one hour, maybe two hours TOPS, and after that it's a waste of time - their brains literally begin to shut down at that point, and they'll just tune out anything we say. So yes, a tutor would be a good idea here, but forcing them to study 8 hours daily will accomplish nothing. I may not be a parent yet, but I know education, and the OP's techniques will do more harm than good IMO.

[pythonis]

wow 8 hours a day? yeah after awhile it just goes in one ear and out the other. id say one maybe two.

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by WWH

My 15-year-old son just finished his freshman year in high school on Friday. I had known since March that he was struggling in math, so I took away his TV, computer, and video game priveleges until the end of the school year, so he would have more time to study. All year he kept whining about how math was "too hard" and making all sorts of excuses for doing poorly, like that High School was too hard for him and that he was having trouble because it was his first year of high school! I warned him to study, and I told him he'd be grounded all summer if he didn't get good grades on his final report card. He has often gotten bad grades in math, and it is a subject that he was always slacked off in and I am sick of it.

The last straw was on Friday, which was the last day of school in our district. He showed me his final report card, and I was appalled to see that he got an F in math! I told him that he was Grounded For The Entire Summer.

The terms of his grounding are:
No TV
No Computer
No Video Games
No Phone (I also took away his cell phone)
No Friends
No Desserts
No Bedroom Door (I removed it- privacy is a privilege in our household)
Plenty of Extra Chores
No Books except those I or my wife approve. I will be buying him a math text book and he will be spending 8 hours a day studying, all summer long.
He's not allowed outside of the house, except to accompany me or my wife on errands, as he's also not allowed home alone.
Whenever the rest of the family has dessert, he has to watch us eat it. Also, each evening, I make his sisters (ages 17 and 14) and his brother (age 12) tell him about all the summer fun they had that day, so he'll know what he's missing out on.
We are also going on vacation to Hawaii in July and he will not be allowed to come.

What do you think? Is this an appropriate punishment, or am I going overboard? My wife thinks I'm overreacting. She says that I'm being too hard on him and the punishment is borderline cruel. I understand it is a bit harsh, but I feel that it's time to finally put a stop to my son's slacking in math, and teach him a valuable lesson about the importance of good study habits. What do you think? Is this a good punishment, or am I going overboard? Please Help.

Thank you in advance.

In all that time, you never once got him a tutor.
I am very math challenged and no matter how long I study, no matter how much I look at a text book, it does not help me one bit.

Yes you're punishment is way to harsh.
The ONLY thing you should be making him do this summer is attend math tutoring a couple times a week.
THATS IT.

You shouldn't be being so harsh.
Give him back all his stuff and get him a math tutor and have him go a couple times a week this summer.

I call fake on this thread BTW.

[WWH]

Thank you to everyone who has answered, but I do not appreciate all the poisonous, judgmental answers telling me I'm too hard on my son and that what I'm doing is abuse. Clearly, most parents these days would rather be their kid's friends than actually be PARENTS. I am a PARENT, and I am not my son's friend. I am doing what's best for him. He has been slacking off for a long time in math, and now I am finally putting my foot down and teaching him a lesson.

To those who recommended checking his grades online, I did so weekly ever since he got the bad report card in March. Each time when he got bad math grades, I would warn him that he'd better study or he'd be grounded all summer long. But instead he kept goofing off and whining about how hard math his, how hard high school is, and on and on and on. I do not put up with teenage drama. I refuse to let my son walk over me, and I could see right through his excuses for laziness.

Thanks to all who suggested tutoring, I will be hiring a tutor, even though it is expensive. I will also look for summer classes for him, even if they are not in our local district. I may let him come to Hawaii if he works hard.

Pythonis, thank you so much for your support. It is refreshing to see there is another parent out their who wants to actually be a PARENT, not their child's friend. By the way, in our house, grounding means no TV, No Computer, No Video Games, No going outside, No phone, No friends, No desserts, and No bedroom door; as well as plenty of extra chores. Because my son failed math, which is a particularly serious offense, I am also making him watch the rest of the family eat dessert whenever we have dessert, and I make his siblings tell him about all the summer fun they have each day, to remind him what he's missing out on since he failed math. Also, we are going on vacation to Hawaii, and my son will not be allowed to come.

[txtqueen]

On the off chance this is real...

If I were his son, I would become the worst person ever. With everything taken away its not like they can punish him anymore.

But I would do the following for each of the things taken away:
No TV: I would sit and stare at the wall on random occasions, making my parents think I was crazy.
No computer: I would draw a giant face on one of the "approved books" and pretend to type on it. (Get it...facebook? LOL)
No video games: I'd run around the house making pew pew noises, furthering their suspicions I had gone crazy.
No phone: I'd make the little phone thing with my hand and pretend to talk to retirement homes about my parents futures.
No friends: I would talk to my imaginary friends, furthering the insanity bit.
No dessert: I'd crap on their carpet.
No bedroom door: Now since I am boy in this scenario...I will be jerking off, HOURLY if possible, moaning loudly. I will sit naked in my room, I will strip down upon entering and putting on clothes as soon as I leave.

You want me to watch you eat dessert....well then while I am watching I can wink at you, head nod and lick my lips at you.
I'd also burn the house down while they were in Hawaii.

Seriously. If this is real and I was that kid. I would run away. I would do terrible things. I would rebel and get revenge for punishing over something like that and not getting me help instead.

I'm sorry but I would make that dads life a miserable living hell.

I would wipe my ass with his ties.
I would carve evil messages into the walls of his house.
I would do the most demented and terrible things.

If a parent wants to act like that and MAKE a problem child, well they would get one.