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I'm pretty sure this whole thing is bogus --- who, in their right mind, would make a child sit at the table watching everyone else eat dessert & not give any to the child? who, in their right mind, would make the OTHER children in the house come to the punished child and give a daily breakdown of all the "summer fun" they had while this child is being punished?
Also, notice how, as the OP posts again, the punishment increases: leaving this child behind when the rest of the family goes to Hawaii.
The whole thing reeks of troll and I'm sure the OP will return to tell us how now he's making the kid sleep in a tent in the backyard while all his other kids let him know they're sleeping in nice, air conditioned rooms with HDTVs, etc....
I'm pretty sure this whole thing is bogus --- who, in their right mind, would make a child sit at the table watching everyone else eat dessert & not give any to the child? who, in their right mind, would make the OTHER children in the house come to the punished child and give a daily breakdown of all the "summer fun" they had while this child is being punished?
Also, notice how, as the OP posts again, the punishment increases: leaving this child behind when the rest of the family goes to Hawaii.
The whole thing reeks of troll and I'm sure the OP will return to tell us how now he's making the kid sleep in a tent in the backyard while all his other kids let him know they're sleeping in nice, air conditioned rooms with HDTVs, etc....
It's a very common punishment in Central Europe... that you won't get the desert and see how others get it. My parents tried to use it sometime but I would beat the **** out of them or kill them if they tried it too often.
Way to harsh seems to me he's not the only one at fault! Did you get him a tutor? If he doesn't understand any of it studying will not help. You said math has always been an issue. You should have done more to help him. Yes punishment is in order, but you went way overboard IMO.
I'm pretty sure this whole thing is bogus --- who, in their right mind, would make a child sit at the table watching everyone else eat dessert & not give any to the child? who, in their right mind, would make the OTHER children in the house come to the punished child and give a daily breakdown of all the "summer fun" they had while this child is being punished?
Also, notice how, as the OP posts again, the punishment increases: leaving this child behind when the rest of the family goes to Hawaii.
The whole thing reeks of troll and I'm sure the OP will return to tell us how now he's making the kid sleep in a tent in the backyard while all his other kids let him know they're sleeping in nice, air conditioned rooms with HDTVs, etc....
While I tend to agree, I also think you need to realize that parents like this DO exist. Outside the food stuff, I received a lot of groundings just like this, for the same reasons.
One friend his Jr. summer, went and got a haircut his dad did not 'approve' of. Grounded for the entire summer (was first week) and had to mow the yard 3 times a week, no phone, no games, no tv. He would yell at us if we came by while he was mowing the yard. Oh the haircut btw, was a 'bowl' cut, really extreme eh?
When my grandpa found out that my uncle ran over a neighborhood kid on his bike; He made my uncle lay down and he proceeded to ride the bike over him multiple times in the driveway.
I had a friend that if he came home with B, got the crap beat out of him.
As I said earlier my parents didn't punished me for grades... but they punished me for stealing (I used to steal a lot of money and give them to kids outside or go to McDonalds with the whole neighborhood). They beat me so hard that I couldn't stay on my bum for a week... and I learned my lesson because I never stole anything since them...
. . . Clearly, most parents these days would rather be their kid's friends than actually be PARENTS. I am a PARENT, and I am not my son's friend. I am doing what's best for him. . . .
Being a parent does not exclude you from being a friend. Parents are guides, role models, teachers, mentors, and yes--friends. Don't be afraid to be his friend: he needs your friendship.
As a parent, your primary responsibility is to love, nurish, nurture, and protect your child. Food, shelter and LOVE are basic requirements--math is not a basic need. Really, it isn't. Teach your son to be a loving, caring, responsible person by showing him love and respect. If you do this, you and your son will become very close friends--especially after he is an adult. Instilling a sense of value and lovability in your son is far more important than math skills.
Quote:
. . . Each time when he got bad math grades, I would warn him that he'd better study or he'd be grounded all summer long.] But instead he kept goofing off and whining about how hard math . . .
Try not to view your son's failure at math as a personal failure. Some people have a difficult time with math. If he doesn't understand it after working with a tutor, then have him tested. Some very bright kids have learning disabilities than can interfer with learning math. Sometimes, a student's learning styles is not congruent with a particular teaching methodology. If you son can't "understand" one teacher or tutor--try another one.
Also, most schools have more than one Algebra I class: they have a slower-paced and a faster-paced class. My son is very good at math, but he works at a slow pace. If the teacher goes too fast he/she will loose him. Your son may benefit from a slower paced lesson, while still learning the exact same concepts.
Finally, the fact that your son was whining to you about his difficulties was a plea for help. He may have needed a structured & undistracted study time & place, a private tutor, a different teacher, or a different math class.
Quote:
Thanks to all who suggested tutoring, I will be hiring a tutor, even though it is expensive. I will also look for summer classes for him, even if they are not in our local district. I may let him come to Hawaii if he works hard. . . .
I am very happy to see that you appreciate and are able to accept some of the advice that you've been given.
Remember that everyone needs breaks and can only focus on math for a couple of hours at a time. I encourage you to give your son small daily (afternoon) and longer Saturday socialization times (as a reward) in exchange for working on his math skills. Even the brain requires rest. It is scientifically proven that small incentives--given immediately after desired progress--are the most effective rewards for conditioning your son's study habits. Obviously, you noticed that the threat of grounding after a failed semester didn't work. Now, you know why.
Remember good study habits > better comprehension > better retention > better scores > better grades. It's all about baby steps.
P.S. Being friends is different than being peers.
Last edited by Justin Time; 06-05-2011 at 10:19 AM..
I applaud the OP for being a parent to his kid and not a friend. The kid has friends at school. He needs a parent at home. As far as everyone screaming "tutor", tutors cost money and not everyone has that.
At most schools, a student can get free tutoring by the teachers during planning periods or after school. That should have been the first resort.
The kid needs a tutor, not alienation and degradation. If they can afford to go to Hawaii they can afford to pay a tutor. Libraries, colleges and schools also offer tutoring.
Just because they can afford one thing doesnt mean they can afford everything. Ever think theyre using every penny they have to go to Hawaii?
I was raised the same way and i grew up just fine. This whole new way of parenting i will have no part of.
I'm pretty sure this whole thing is bogus --- who, in their right mind, would make a child sit at the table watching everyone else eat dessert & not give any to the child? who, in their right mind, would make the OTHER children in the house come to the punished child and give a daily breakdown of all the "summer fun" they had while this child is being punished?
Also, notice how, as the OP posts again, the punishment increases: leaving this child behind when the rest of the family goes to Hawaii.
The whole thing reeks of troll and I'm sure the OP will return to tell us how now he's making the kid sleep in a tent in the backyard while all his other kids let him know they're sleeping in nice, air conditioned rooms with HDTVs, etc....
It sounds like he read A Child Called It and tried to make this a little be less abusive than that.
Just because they can afford one thing doesnt mean they can afford everything. Ever think theyre using every penny they have to go to Hawaii?
I was raised the same way and i grew up just fine. This whole new way of parenting i will have no part of.
Well, maybe the tutor is a higher priority. Apparently not, though. Perhaps the kid could do odd jobs to pay for the tutor.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 06-05-2011 at 10:39 AM..
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Parents can be Friends too.
Teach your son to be a loving, caring, responsible person by showing him love and respect. 
If you do this, you and your son will become very close friends--especially after he is an adult. Instilling a sense of value and lovability in your son is far more important than math skills. 
Some people have a difficult time with math. 
If he doesn't understand it after working with a tutor, then have him tested. 
Some very bright kids have learning disabilities than can interfer with learning math. Sometimes, a student's learning styles is not congruent with a particular teaching methodology. If you son can't "understand" one teacher or tutor--try another one. 
It is scientifically proven that small incentives--given immediately after desired progress--are the most effective rewards for conditioning your son's study habits. Obviously, you noticed that the threat of grounding after a failed semester didn't work. Now, you know why. 