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The kid needs a tutor, not alienation and degradation. If they can afford to go to Hawaii they can afford to pay a tutor. Libraries, colleges and schools also offer tutoring.
Yeah that got me scratching my head. Hawaii is probably the most expensive vacation spot in the USA...people who can't afford a tutor (since March, when the problem was discovered) clearly can't afford to go to Hawaii.
Do you want your son to learn math, or do you want your son to be punished? He'll do one or the other, but not both.
As for not appreciating the judgements, oh well, sucks to be you. Don't ask for advice on a public forum in the future then.
Thank you to everyone who has answered, but I do not appreciate all the poisonous, judgmental answers telling me I'm too hard on my son and that what I'm doing is abuse. Clearly, most parents these days would rather be their kid's friends than actually be PARENTS. I am a PARENT, and I am not my son's friend. I am doing what's best for him. He has been slacking off for a long time in math, and now I am finally putting my foot down and teaching him a lesson.
To those who recommended checking his grades online, I did so weekly ever since he got the bad report card in March. Each time when he got bad math grades, I would warn him that he'd better study or he'd be grounded all summer long. But instead he kept goofing off and whining about how hard math his, how hard high school is, and on and on and on. I do not put up with teenage drama. I refuse to let my son walk over me, and I could see right through his excuses for laziness.
Thanks to all who suggested tutoring, I will be hiring a tutor, even though it is expensive. I will also look for summer classes for him, even if they are not in our local district. I may let him come to Hawaii if he works hard.
Pythonis, thank you so much for your support. It is refreshing to see there is another parent out their who wants to actually be a PARENT, not their child's friend. By the way, in our house, grounding means no TV, No Computer, No Video Games, No going outside, No phone, No friends, No desserts, and No bedroom door; as well as plenty of extra chores. Because my son failed math, which is a particularly serious offense, I am also making him watch the rest of the family eat dessert whenever we have dessert, and I make his siblings tell him about all the summer fun they have each day, to remind him what he's missing out on since he failed math. Also, we are going on vacation to Hawaii, and my son will not be allowed to come.
I have a friend whose son also did poorly in a high school math course. They grounded him, did all sorts of other punishments. It turned out, he really needed help in the math. The parents were kind of embarrassed at that. This kid is now doing well in college engineering courses.
I wonder if the OP has realized that NO ONE has selected that this is an appropriate punishment in his poll.
Nope, he is too busy insisting that his authoritarian position means that he is a PARENT.With his attitude, I am thinking he posted here expecting praise and approbation to 'prove' that he wasn't going overboard.
I was never my children's FRIEND until they became functional adults. We were always the parents - their 'allowance' was - "We allow you to live in our house, allow you to eat our food, allow you to ride in our cars, allow you to have clothes." They ALL had household responsibilities and learned to cook and even do their own laundry. They all had real part-time jobs at 14 because they wanted to use their own money to buy things, and they kept up their grades and their household responsibilities or - no job. They ALL have earned their own money and put themselves through college. They all have become hard-working, functional, literate and self-responsible adults with self-respect and respect for others - including us.
Now my children and I have great relationships; they love us, stll respect us, and call us often, we are FB friends and email each other constantly... as self-respecting adults. I don't like parents who think that they can be their children's FRIENDS either... but I also don't have any respect for those who think that 'parenting' means threatening and punishing instead of being a rational, intelligent adult; whose parental responsibility is to ensure that their children become the same, by helping them take not only responsibility and initiative, but by helping them over the rough spots by giving them new ideas, new approaches, and inspiring them.
My 15-year-old son just finished his freshman year in high school on Friday. I had known since March that he was struggling in math, so I took away his TV, computer, and video game priveleges until the end of the school year, so he would have more time to study. All year he kept whining about how math was "too hard" and making all sorts of excuses for doing poorly, like that High School was too hard for him and that he was having trouble because it was his first year of high school! I warned him to study, and I told him he'd be grounded all summer if he didn't get good grades on his final report card. He has often gotten bad grades in math, and it is a subject that he was always slacked off in and I am sick of it.
The last straw was on Friday, which was the last day of school in our district. He showed me his final report card, and I was appalled to see that he got an F in math! I told him that he was Grounded For The Entire Summer.
The terms of his grounding are:
No TV
No Computer
No Video Games
No Phone (I also took away his cell phone)
No Friends
No Desserts
No Bedroom Door (I removed it- privacy is a privilege in our household)
Plenty of Extra Chores
No Books except those I or my wife approve. I will be buying him a math text book and he will be spending 8 hours a day studying, all summer long.
He's not allowed outside of the house, except to accompany me or my wife on errands, as he's also not allowed home alone.
Whenever the rest of the family has dessert, he has to watch us eat it. Also, each evening, I make his sisters (ages 17 and 14) and his brother (age 12) tell him about all the summer fun they had that day, so he'll know what he's missing out on.
We are also going on vacation to Hawaii in July and he will not be allowed to come.
What do you think? Is this an appropriate punishment, or am I going overboard? My wife thinks I'm overreacting. She says that I'm being too hard on him and the punishment is borderline cruel. I understand it is a bit harsh, but I feel that it's time to finally put a stop to my son's slacking in math, and teach him a valuable lesson about the importance of good study habits. What do you think? Is this a good punishment, or am I going overboard? Please Help.
Thank you in advance.
Dad? Is that you? Seriously, this could have been written by my dad years ago. He worked a lot and my mom was a SAHM, so his way of parenting was to come in and throw out crazy punishments. The above list (except Hawaii) was our normal punishment for bad grades. Our entire grounding would be served at the kitchen table though. We were not allowed in our room (which didn't have a door) except for exactly 8 hours to sleep at night. The bathroom could only be used for 5 minutes at a time (even for showers). Everything listed by myself and WWH would be my punishment for getting even a B on my report card. The punishment was until I got my next Straight A report card. This included summers. Of course the rules were different for all of us kids. My brother would get TV taken away for a week if he got more than 1 F. My sisters were expected to get D's or better. He "expected more" from me.
The class that got me grounded? Math. I just didn't get a good base in math, so when they started teaching more complicated math, it didn't make sense. I tried to tell my dad that I needed help. He just said that if I was going to get a bad grade, I needed to study harder. It didn't matter how hard I studied. The material just didn't make sense. So, he would ground me and that would just frustrate me and then I would start to panic in Math which made me even worse at it. I started missing questions that I actually knew because I was so nervous. Luckily, in 11th grade, I had a teacher who noticed my problem and offered to help. He figured out I didn't have a good grasp of the basics and helped me until the lightbulb switched on.
The grounding did nothing but alienate me from my dad. I wouldn't talk to him unless I had to. I dind't tell him about my day because I was afraid I would say something to get me grounded. All of the grounding in the world wasn't helping, it was just making it worse. The thing that made me do better in math was someone recognizing my problem and helping me with it.
Still to this day when I call my parents for something, I call my mom's cell phone and hope it isn't my dad that picks up. My dad and I have a closer relationship than we did when I was a teenager, but it is still strained. I think back and think about how it all could be different if he had just gotten me help when I needed it instead of just punishing.
I wonder if the OP has realized that NO ONE has selected that this is an appropriate punishment in his poll.
Also, no one selected that the punishment isn't strict enough. God knows what more he could do.
And all that "teenage drama" about math being too hard and his whining about it, did he ever offer to help his son? Ever say, hey let's take a look at this together and see?
It turns my stomach to think of his siblings having to eat their dessert in front of him and tell him about what fun they had every day. That must be like a punishment to them too, unless they enjoy this sort of behavior like their father seems to (and I really hope that isn't the case).
His wife thinks he's being too harsh but she let him do all this? Whoa. Stop. Either she is terrified of him, is a total doormat, or there is more to it than meets the eye. If it's a 2 parent household, both of them should have input. Math can be hard, but like other people have said on here, when you 'get it' it changes everything, it all clicks and comes together, but that isn't going to happen to a child who has seen everything taken away from him and is just staring at the pages of a math book.
I was pretty strict about my son getting good grades, but spent plenty of time helping him with his homework over the years because I am his mother and I love him.
I can only imagine what this man did when his son was little and pooped in his diaper.
Thank you to everyone who has answered, but I do not appreciate all the poisonous, judgmental answers telling me I'm too hard on my son and that what I'm doing is abuse. Clearly, most parents these days would rather be their kid's friends than actually be PARENTS. I am a PARENT, and I am not my son's friend. I am doing what's best for him. He has been slacking off for a long time in math, and now I am finally putting my foot down and teaching him a lesson.
To those who recommended checking his grades online, I did so weekly ever since he got the bad report card in March. Each time when he got bad math grades, I would warn him that he'd better study or he'd be grounded all summer long. But instead he kept goofing off and whining about how hard math his, how hard high school is, and on and on and on. I do not put up with teenage drama. I refuse to let my son walk over me, and I could see right through his excuses for laziness.
Thanks to all who suggested tutoring, I will be hiring a tutor, even though it is expensive. I will also look for summer classes for him, even if they are not in our local district. I may let him come to Hawaii if he works hard.
Pythonis, thank you so much for your support. It is refreshing to see there is another parent out their who wants to actually be a PARENT, not their child's friend. By the way, in our house, grounding means no TV, No Computer, No Video Games, No going outside, No phone, No friends, No desserts, and No bedroom door; as well as plenty of extra chores. Because my son failed math, which is a particularly serious offense, I am also making him watch the rest of the family eat dessert whenever we have dessert, and I make his siblings tell him about all the summer fun they have each day, to remind him what he's missing out on since he failed math. Also, we are going on vacation to Hawaii, and my son will not be allowed to come.
Don't confuse being an *sshole with being a parent; They are not one of the same. This is coming from someone who was somewhat raised like this, and it drove me to get horrid grades, pissing contests with teenagers that will start to care less to 'please' you will go down hill fast.
I did not do good in school until college, where I did not have them breathing down my back. Positive reinforcement > Punishment. Been proven long ago that rubbing a dogs nose in it's own crap is NOT how to house train a dog.
But I can tell already there is no changing, you did not make the OP to ask if you should change or back down a little, you where only looking for affirmation.
"Food should never, ever be used as a punishment." - yes, way to create a kid with an eating disorder.
Also, the kid maybe has a bad teacher. I have had a couple of those in h.s. One chemistry teacher, just could NOT teach. She knew her chemistry and was a super nice person, but I got terrible grades in chem, straight As in all my other classes though. She got ill and left, the second semester I got a different teacher and got an A in the class. The OP should definitely be having a dialogue with the school.
Of course, we all believe the OP to be a troll....
Thank you to everyone who has answered, but I do not appreciate all the poisonous, judgmental answers telling me I'm too hard on my son and that what I'm doing is abuse. Clearly, most parents these days would rather be their kid's friends than actually be PARENTS. I am a PARENT, and I am not my son's friend. I am doing what's best for him. He has been slacking off for a long time in math, and now I am finally putting my foot down and teaching him a lesson.
To those who recommended checking his grades online, I did so weekly ever since he got the bad report card in March. Each time when he got bad math grades, I would warn him that he'd better study or he'd be grounded all summer long. But instead he kept goofing off and whining about how hard math his, how hard high school is, and on and on and on. I do not put up with teenage drama. I refuse to let my son walk over me, and I could see right through his excuses for laziness.
Thanks to all who suggested tutoring, I will be hiring a tutor, even though it is expensive. I will also look for summer classes for him, even if they are not in our local district. I may let him come to Hawaii if he works hard.
Pythonis, thank you so much for your support. It is refreshing to see there is another parent out their who wants to actually be a PARENT, not their child's friend. By the way, in our house, grounding means no TV, No Computer, No Video Games, No going outside, No phone, No friends, No desserts, and No bedroom door; as well as plenty of extra chores. Because my son failed math, which is a particularly serious offense, I am also making him watch the rest of the family eat dessert whenever we have dessert, and I make his siblings tell him about all the summer fun they have each day, to remind him what he's missing out on since he failed math. Also, we are going on vacation to Hawaii, and my son will not be allowed to come.
Is it all that terrible to also be a friend to your child?
I'm not a cool parent who tries to fit in with the kids' friends, I don't try to be part of the group and I'm pretty old-fashioned when it comes to certain things but I also don't rule out understanding them and helping them and being a kind of buddy.
Sit and help him with homework. If math and grades are so important, then maybe it would be best to give up the expensive trip to another are away state and spend your time helping him learn math.
He maybe have had incompetent teachers in the early years who didn't teach him the basics very well and now you have the opportunity to spend the summer with him - almost like a good friend - showing him the right approach to math.
Like others said 8 hours is not effective, but you can help him learn how to learn. The best way to learn is to learn on 3 different days because of the way the brain processes information during sleep.
You read the highlights of a chapter one day. Sleep on it. The second day you do the intensive study of the material, some drills. The third day you review the material. It's a good idea to keep including some of the drills later but not too much time once the material is grasped, then you move on.
Or go to Hawaii but bring him and his math book and include some learning time.
You really have to consider how math is taught today - and it's not like in the past. They make it difficult to learn. For example my daughter was trying to learn algebra in the 8th grade and the teacher was avoiding teaching "sets" and overlapping "sets" and instead would talk about neighborhoods and houses which only made it very confusing.
The next year she had a good math teacher that showed the A and B circles on the board and the old way of learning about sets and she got it immediately.
Well... I had no problem in school... I did great from kindergarten to university.... but I'm telling you... If my parents will come up with this punishment I would become a genius in math )
My parents always told me that the grades didn't matter at all and what matters is to understand what they teach me.
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I told him that he was Grounded For The Entire Summer.
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