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No. It is a train wreck. I almost, considered just letting the kid move in, rather than her quitting school and moving. Almost. Sanity prevails. Kids now days...what is with them?
Thanks for the support. I guess everyone has to make their own mistakes and learn the hard way. Sadly. I tried hard. Her life has been less than perfect, divorced parents. She has always been very stubborn, and rather than fight with her, has been allowed her own path...but it is always interesting how people say, second hand quarterbacking parenting what you "should do"...she is a brat. I admit it. I just could not handle her constant confrontations.
Relief, now she is going away. Sad, but true. Maybe this will work out for her, she can grow up. No drama or fights. She wants the contention. Accepting this actually has her even more defensive.
She most likely plays on the fact she can get what she wants due to parents being divorced. It's not uncommon to see overcompensation in that area in regards to kids. And yes you are correct, you have done everything you can, and need to let her succeed or fall on her own.
So many girls in the group I am in tend to do dumb things that I advise them not to. And they have to fall on their faces before they realize the mistake they made.
I probably should have started a thread on this entire drama. It is quite common, adult children who just completely ignore, and "disown" their parents. I always thought it was becuase the parents were toxic or abusive. Of which, I am neither.
It is sad. But, I am okay with it now. Actually, it is a relief, she has always been difficult, now I no longer feel obligated to be her "parent". She is an adult, making some very bad choices. I am now on her "ignore" list. Okay.
I just got a "raise" of about $1200 a month! No more obligation to support her. Or pay for college. Maybe I can go on that Alaskan cruise this summer.
I probably should have started a thread on this entire drama. It is quite common, adult children who just completely ignore, and "disown" their parents. I always thought it was becuase the parents were toxic or abusive. Of which, I am neither.
It is sad. But, I am okay with it now. Actually, it is a relief, she has always been difficult, now I no longer feel obligated to be her "parent". She is an adult, making some very bad choices. I am now on her "ignore" list. Okay.
I just got a "raise" of about $1200 a month! No more obligation to support her. Or pay for college. Maybe I can go on that Alaskan cruise this summer.
I probably should have started a thread on this entire drama. It is quite common, adult children who just completely ignore, and "disown" their parents. I always thought it was becuase the parents were toxic or abusive. Of which, I am neither.
It is sad. But, I am okay with it now. Actually, it is a relief, she has always been difficult, now I no longer feel obligated to be her "parent". She is an adult, making some very bad choices. I am now on her "ignore" list. Okay.
I just got a "raise" of about $1200 a month! No more obligation to support her. Or pay for college. Maybe I can go on that Alaskan cruise this summer.
Moving forward.
Yaaaay!!!! Rock on, Jasper! You know what? She's probably going to make some big mistakes, but remember Jasper, we learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes! Girlfriend, kids who make the choices she's making come from ALL kinds of parents...you know it as well as I do. You've said it! LOL
Look, you've taught her what you've needed to teach her, or at least, whatever she's opened herself up enough to learn from you. She's making her own choices now....trying to be an independent adult. I'm sure Mr. Loser-guy has fed her plenty of BS, "break free from controlling mom" crap. Why? Well, because she's easier for HIM to manipulate, if she's out from under YOUR thumb. So be it my friend...so be it! Ya know what's really funny though? The moron hasn't given a thought to the fact that someone is gonna have to drive her around, since she's not gonna have a car and someone's gonna have to feed her, etc. Idiot! LOL
Like you said, WOOOO freakin HOOOO, you just got a raise! LOL One out of the nest...onward and upward. It's not what you had planned for her life....but then, it's not really yours to plan, is it? It's hers. Oopsy...guessing she's gonna be having a few regrets before too long. "Moooom, can you help me out!?"
Yep...been there....done that dear one. Made myself sick, really, really sick trying to make things all better, trying to fix it all. Epic FAIL! All I did was make myself sick and lose a whole lot of sleep. You can't save someone against their will....not unless they're too weak to fight back. LOL ((((HUGS)))) Hang in there Jasper and KNOW that you've done everything you could have done. She has the right to make mistakes and you have the right to not support her anymore!
Yep. I will just wait it out. After all, we all know how long you can live on "true love" at age 19. Neither one of them has a job. And now, she does not have a car.
Sadly, my daughter is very strong willed. And very spoiled. Maybe this will be a growing up time for her. I hope it won't be too sad for her.
You know, I am not so bad, if she had known him longer, finished out the school year, and made a plan for next fall, to transfer, to be with her BF, I would not have been thrilled, but I would be more accepting. My issue, is how immediate it all has to be. (No, she is not pregnant, yet).
Oh well, I wonder how long I will be on the "ignore" list?
Adult "children". All you can do is watch the train wreck. I sound like I have given up, but what can you do? She has cut off all contact.
She may come around. But, the free ride for college is done. She can work awhile. Even if she does come home. She obviously did not appreciate it much.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving up....being done. You're butting out. You're not ignoring her, she shut you out. There is a big, big difference. She wants you to butt out. You've done your job, gotten her to 18+. For now, your job is done, Jasper.
My friend, it is no longer your job to take care of her. Yeah, like I said, I had a headstrong one too. It's tough when you realize that there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO! Like I said, you had plans for her future. You thought she'd go on and do her college, get a good job, etc. Those were your plans, not hers. I'm sure she thought it was a decent idea too, until she met the "love of her life". It will be wonderful for her to get a job and have to work for what she needs for a while.
Jasper, until she does, you're not going to get ANY real respect or appreciation. Until a kid has to get out there and earn the money in order to survive, they have no idea how many sacrifices you made as a parent. Let her learn what it's really like out there. It's going to be really good for her. Hopefully, there won't be a baby....but if there is, remember that she's a stubborn, hard-headed gal. Remember, that that's an important trait to have, to be a really good mom.
Stubborn, hard-headed people....well, they don't take no for an answer. ((((HUGS))))
Yep. I will just wait it out. After all, we all know how long you can live on "true love" at age 19. Neither one of them has a job. And now, she does not have a car.
Sadly, my daughter is very strong willed. And very spoiled. Maybe this will be a growing up time for her. I hope it won't be too sad for her.
You know, I am not so bad, if she had known him longer, finished out the school year, and made a plan for next fall, to transfer, to be with her BF, I would not have been thrilled, but I would be more accepting. My issue, is how immediate it all has to be. (No, she is not pregnant, yet).
Oh well, I wonder how long I will be on the "ignore" list?
Adult "children". All you can do is watch the train wreck. I sound like I have given up, but what can you do? She has cut off all contact.
She may come around. But, the free ride for college is done. She can work awhile. Even if she does come home. She obviously did not appreciate it much.
That will be her downfall really. When she realizes she has to take care of herself, and it's not all roses.
It is so worrisome, that at age 19, kids can do things, and make decisions that will change the course of their lives. And of course, they 'know' everything at that age.
All I did was go to school. I knew that was my only way out of poverty. Ironically, the very thing I worked so hard to get away from, she is embracing. Being poor, working, living with a man, by her own choice! She is not homeless!
I think of Leslie Van Houten, who ran away at age 18, and got involved with Charles Manson. Or the so many girls you see as "missing".
You can give them everything, and try to set a path to help them. It is not my fault she is picking a different path.
Really, what can I do? Nothing.
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