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Thanks. I hate being "manipulative". We are helping her to get being self supporting. Then, she should go do whatever she wants.
Parenting does not stop at age 18. I just have nightmares of her coming home, with a bun in de oven. At least I never worried about the boys and that problem.
Thanks. I hate being "manipulative". We are helping her to get being self supporting. Then, she should go do whatever she wants.
Parenting does not stop at age 18. I just have nightmares of her coming home, with a bun in de oven. At least I never worried about the boys and that problem.
You aren't really, because it's part of a contract you set up. You told her you would pay for these things while she is in school. Doesn't mean she can drop out, play house, and expect you to continue doing it. Give her a taste of the REAL WORLD . Let's see how well she handles all of that.
LK is right. It isn't manipulative to point out cause and effect and to observe your own limits. You had a deal, she changed the terms, and you are following through. It is really tough to do that, but you are doing the right thing, I think. So sorry you are going through this. Hopefully reality will be a quick wake up call for her.
I went to get more stuff from my mom's house the other night, again looking for my straightner, which was most likely stolen by one of the skanks my brother hangs around.
Anyway, the bathroom my brother and I used to share is NASTY, mold growing on the ceiling, the toilet doesn't look like its been cleaned in years, there are about 20 toilet paper rolls (just the cardboard) laying on the ground by the toilet (no trash can in the bathroom.
Get this, she blames me.....
Says that is from the past 7 years of me living there. That bathroom was clean when I left and and I haven't lived there in over a year....
She's not aging gracefully the dementia is totally setting in early.
Then I'd advise compassion for her because many types of dementia are hereditary and you are looking at something that could very well happen to you.
She doesn't have dementia....
But she sure acts like she does.
Like really? I've been gone a whole year now and the ring around the toilet and the mold growth on the ceiling are MY fault from the past 7 years especially since when I left there was no ring around the toilet, there was a trash can and the mold was just starting and I don't see how a crappily ventilated bathroom where a lot of water condenses on the ceiling is my fault to begin with.....
What was my 5'3'' azz suppose to do? Towel off the ceiling after every shower? Build a window?
I'm sorry but that is the adult homeowners issue to figure out a solution for, not the child.
I like how she blames the current state of the bathroom on the 7 years that I lived there AFTER I have been gone a year and it was not like that when I left.
Dementia isn't the only thing that can be hereditary.
My logic is much better than hers.
My life has been so nice, the other night when I went over there....it was a nut house. This one kid who is legitly crazy showed up, this kid has cut, threatened to kill his parents, tells me brother he wants to eff him in the butt....yeah anyways this kid shows up...and its a mad house.
I get to come home to a nice calm house, where things are normal and clean..
And LK if I had a smartphone and ability to change my status I would hit you for stealing my cell phone, but I have some crappy boring basic flip phone, please take it, it makes a lovely paperweight, that's all it is good for.
And the drama continues...now DD has deliberately blown off her parents. She does not call home. She is enthralled with her new man.
Oh, a new angle to the drama....her car is not in her name, if she drops out of college, she will no longer have a car.
Are we so terrible? She has a car, apartment, spending money. All she has to do is go to college for four years. And she wants to drop out. Okay.
Granted, not everyone goes to college, one of her brother's is in the Army. He did not go to college.
Well...she can make her own "adult" choices. And support herself. A lot different from "supporting" yourself when your parents pay your rent, bills, car, and buy you whatever gadgets you need/want. Maybe she is spoiled. Maybe we have created a child who does not appreciate what she has.....okay. reality will hit hard.
You have every right to stop supporting an adult child. No other qualifications necessary.
Just one thing, did your daughter pay for her car? I only ask because there was a similar issue to one of my brother's friends. He had paid for the car but it was in parents names for insurance reasons. They took the car away for other reasons when he was 20. I thought that was out of line, just because it was legal, does not mean it was right.
But if you bought the car, remind your daughter it was a car for a COLLEGE student. If she is not one, than the reason for the cars existence is no longer in place.
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. Let's see how well she handles all of that.