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Yes -- and it makes as much sense to say that she's hanging onto this man to try and fill some void.
Also there are no more guarantees with him than there are with a child. He might get in a car accident and become paralyzed. He may be maintaining his fertility for his own reasons -- he may later meet a woman who he would like to have a family with and leave the OP for this other woman. The OP could decide to give up everything for him and end up without children or a man.
There are never guarantees in life -- but it's important not to give up all your dreams just to hang onto a relationship. Of course if she decides that having a family was really just a fleeting whim, and deep down she really never wants a child then fine -- but why should she give up what she wants most just to hold onto some man?
I said nothing of the kind. I was only responding to the poster who seems to think wanting a child means something is missing inside.
Happens every day. Widowers and divorcee's remarry all the time. While it's not the same person, the role is filled.
In a loving, happy marriage a spouse cannot be replaced. Being a husband or wife is not a "role". You don't call in Shane Falco to run out of the tunnel after half time.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 07-12-2012 at 07:11 PM..
Re: the bolded part. In some states, if your wife is pregnant, it doesn't matter who the bio father is, the state regards the husband as the legal father.
I don't think they're married. The OP didn't state specifically. Just that she's "with" this guy.
Correct. I know a man who married a divorced woman after dating her only a few months. She was pregnant, and they married early in the pregnancy. Just before her due date she confessed that the baby was really her first husband's, and that they'd decided to reconcile. She gave birth before the divorce went through, so the baby was legally her husband's, even though he was not the biological father. This man had to go to court and sign the rights away to "his" baby along with the divorce papers. New York State, about 30 years ago.
Even if the fatherhood is easily disproven due to in vitro records? Or being a step-parent? I don't know, I'm really asking.
Unless they've changed the law to accommodate modern science, in most states a child born within a marriage is legally the child of the man the mother is married to, period.
Edit: I see other people said similar, sorry. Should have read ahead.
I said nothing of the kind. I was only responding to the poster who seems to think wanting a child means something is missing inside.
Actually I was agreeing with you -- it's unfair to speculate or put down anyone else's reasons for wanting something. Wanting a child is no more about filling a void than is wanting a boyfriend or husband -- or girlfriend or wife.
If the OP wants a child, there is no reason for others to put her down for that or belittle her reasons for wanting a child.
Actually I was agreeing with you -- it's unfair to speculate or put down anyone else's reasons for wanting something. Wanting a child is no more about filling a void than is wanting a boyfriend or husband -- or girlfriend or wife.
If the OP wants a child, there is no reason for others to put her down for that or belittle her reasons for wanting a child.
Women don't cause an "oops" by themselves. It really does take two to tango when it comes to having a child.
You obviously have a very narrow view. There are many instances where a woman has manipulated in order to achieve pregnancy. It only takes one to deceive the other. There are many occasions that women manipulate, forcefully acquire body fluids or even rape (even that has happened) to achieve pregnancy. Then, they wish to pin responsibility on the man as well. That's what I disagree with. Pretty much in the American family court system at least. The man almost ALWAYS gets the shaft. It's not fair and judges for the most part truly don't give a rat's tail about the father. Then, they cloak it as "What's best for the child" like what they are doing isn't creating resentment deep down in the father who now has an axe to grind who may take out his frustration on the child (undeserved but nevertheless) and the mother (totally deserved).
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope
And it's also downright pathetic for a fully grown man to take NO RESPONSIBILITY for his own body fluids, and where they end up.
It's downright pathetic for a man to who actually did take responsibility by trying to dispose of his body fluids yet the woman somehow takes possession of it. All I'm saying is that the female isn't someone who should be absolved in every situation. I never said men should always be absolved.
Ok, so this requires a little back peddling so that all the info is out there. I am 34 years old and at the age of 18 I became pregnant. At that point in my life I knew that what was best for the child and for myself was to place him for adoption. Fast forward to present day; I am with the best man ever. He loves me unconditionally, is patient, kind, and just a perfect fit. About six months ago I broached the subject of having a baby. At first he stated he wasn't sure he wanted another (he is the single father to a wonderful 15 year boy) one. We agreed to revisit the subject at a later time. Recently the topic came up again and he has told me he doesn't want another child. He's 39 years old and doesn't want to be 50 with a 10 year old. He wants to enjoy what he has worked so hard for all these years. Needless to say I am devastated. I don't want to force him to have a child and I don't want to leave him. How do I cope with this information when what I want most is to be a mother. To pour more salt onto the wounds when I was 18 and leaving the hospital without my newborn son I made a very bad joke (my emotional go to is joking when I'm hurt) that I just gave up the one and only child I would ever be able to have. Any guidance in how to cope in this situation would be helpful.
This "best man ever" is putting his wants before yours. If you want a child you'll have to have it with someone else. If you don't have a child and stay with him there is the possibility you will hold it against him with bitterness forever.
You have a choice to make: pursue having a child without him; or choose to spend the rest of your life with a man who places his wants ahead of yours and the gift of a child together. It really is that simple because you cannot "force" him to make you pregnant. In fact, I'd be suprised if he doesn't follow-up quickly by having a vasectomy, if he hasn't already.
This "best man ever" is putting his wants before yours. If you want a child you'll have to have it with someone else. If you don't have a child and stay with him there is the possibility you will hold it against him with bitterness forever.
You have a choice to make: pursue having a child without him; or choose to spend the rest of your life with a man who places his wants ahead of yours and the gift of a child together. It really is that simple because you cannot "force" him to make you pregnant. In fact, I'd be suprised if he doesn't follow-up quickly by having a vasectomy, if he hasn't already.
I'm not trying to attack you but I want to understand how is he not a good man because he doesn't want a child? I find that to be a highly sensible move to not have a child when you clearly don't want it. Do you think he should just bite the bullet and have a kid. That's a major thing and someone who doesn't want children should never be coaxed into parenting. That's not fair on the parent who didn't want it.
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