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Very few of the men in my life have ever been interested in sports. Not my grandfathers, not my father, not my brother, not my husband, not my father-in-law and not my son. none were or are gay. They just aren't into sports..
Another American construct. Go to Italy, Spain and Greece and watch the men in the local taverns. While some soccer game may be on in background on the TV, they are drinking their coffee or whatever, and talking about LIFE ... they, comparatively speaking, don't talk all that much about sports ...and they have beautiful wives/girlfriends, children, etc.
Also, when you look at Facebook, many Americans I know have their like lists plastered with teams and schools they root, and grunt, for. Most of the Europeans I know have their like lists plastered with music, humorous items, and current events that interest them.
I've even been to Eureka Springs. Though I'm still not sure why you're complaining about how hard it is to be a straight male in the rural South because my guess is life for a gay male is more difficult. I think that's akin to the argument that Title IX is wrong because it "takes away" money from traditionally male sports and spends it on *gasp* women athletes.
And FinsterRufus just made a brilliant post.
Its actually difficult for any guy who isn't the typical macho, alpha male who cares about nothing but Razorback football and gets married at 19. If you are "perceived" as gay you might as well be because you'll be treated the same.
Its actually difficult for any guy who isn't the typical macho, alpha male who cares about nothing but Razorback football and gets married at 19. If you are "perceived" as gay you might as well be because you'll be treated the same.
You seem very afraid of stepping out of the narrow social confines of your tiny community, and that is making you unhappy. Shrug off the status quo and be yourself. What is the worst that could happen?
Its actually difficult for any guy who isn't the typical macho, alpha male who cares about nothing but Razorback football and gets married at 19. If you are "perceived" as gay you might as well be because you'll be treated the same.
Except somehow that guy who was perceived as gay yet managed to snag a wife.
I don't think you all are familiar with culture in the rural South. It's very different down here than it is on the West Coast or the Northeast or even more urban locations in the South.
I never said gays should go back in the closet for the reasons stated, but what I am saying is certain things have been lost in the cultural transformation of the past 40 years. Down here, the last thing anybody wants is to be perceived as gay and will go out of their way to put on a hyper-masculine image. Its quite common to have your sexuality questioned in high school if you don't play football or basketball, or aren't married by the age of 21, or heaven forbid aren't into driving to Memphis to spend $600 at a strip club on a weekend.
40 years ago was much, much worse if you actually were gay but society as a whole wasn't hung up on it like it is now so guys had a little more freedom in certain areas.
I grew up in the deep South. I get it.
There is HUGE pressure for boys to fit the macho/male mold. If they don't ~ they are labeled as gay. There is little room for a boy/man to show any emotion or be 'different' in anyway - without being labeled as gay. It's a pretty tight straitjacket.
I think the poster agrees that it WAS worse 40 years ago to come out as gay - but then men weren't labeled as 'gay' every time they failed to conform.
You need to move outta there and experience life someplace where you aren't afraid to be yourself.
Its actually difficult for any guy who isn't the typical macho, alpha male who cares about nothing but Razorback football and gets married at 19. If you are "perceived" as gay you might as well be because you'll be treated the same.
So move out of Ft. Smith. Big wide world out there with men who don't smash each other's teeth in for inviting them out for sushi. Planes fly west out of Bentonville every single day.
(And I looked. Your past status of "Prop 8 passed - Deal with it" doesn't make me believe that your only complaint with the gay community is the fact that you have problems sitting next to your buddies at the Malco Cinema 12.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-14-2012 at 07:05 PM..
Um yeah i have plenty of male friends/cousins from virginia and north carolina, and absolutely none of them are like that or are suffering from those problems. I think perhaps the crowds you personally hang out with might be your issue though.
It may just be different in different parts of the south. When I lived in SE MO, it was fine to be gay if you had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I saw some people who were pretty stereotypically gay that were left alone about it as long as they weren't open about it. They were not all that happy, but they were glad they weren't getting mugged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
Yes, and this is the ONLY socialization straight men are allowed to have. Want to go to the symphony with your buddy? That's pretty gay and at least in my area you'll be lucky if you don't lose some teeth simply for asking them. Want to go out to eat? You better like Mickey D's because if you ask them to go anywhere nice questions will be asked. One time I lost a friend due to asking him to go have sushi, because guys don't go to that type of restaurant with other guys.
I've noticed that there is a difference in the way men ask other men to go do something. Right before the ex came out he phoned a man to go have a beer with him and the way he phrased it was, "Hey would you like to go have a beer with me?" I remember that it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, even though it was a seemingly innocuous question. I think most straight men would say, "Hey, let's go grab a beer." In less than a month after that he was out of the closet.
So move out of Ft. Smith. Big wide world out there with men who don't smash each other's teeth in for inviting them out for sushi. Planes fly west out of Bentonville every single day.
(And I looked. Your past status of "Prop 8 passed - Deal with it" doesn't make me believe that your only complaint with the gay community is the fact that you have problems sitting next to your buddies at the Malco Cinema 12.)
A lot of people in my area perceive me as gay because I play violin and have an appreciation for the arts and I am not into sports. Because of this, I have struggled in this area and have swung from the extremes of being an irrational homophobe as I was in 2008 to experimenting in homosexuality which I figured out wasn't for me. It was great to be accepted for who I was in the gay community its just I am not attracted to other guys sexually. I can't even have a conversation with straight guys though because I know absolutely nothing about football and when they find that out I get teased because its gay. I am kind of stuck in the middle due to my geographic location and in this economy you can't really just pack up and move.
Charlotte was a lot better and I really miss it, but a long series of unfortunate events forced me to move back to Ft. Smith.
A lot of people in my area perceive me as gay because I play violin and have an appreciation for the arts and I am not into sports. Because of this, I have struggled in this area and have swung from the extremes of being an irrational homophobe as I was in 2008 to experimenting in homosexuality which I figured out wasn't for me. It was great to be accepted for who I was in the gay community its just I am not attracted to other guys sexually. I can't even have a conversation with straight guys though because I know absolutely nothing about football and when they find that out I get teased because its gay. I am kind of stuck in the middle due to my geographic location and in this economy you can't really just pack up and move.
Charlotte was a lot better and I really miss it, but a long series of unfortunate events forced me to move back to Ft. Smith.
If I were you I'd start saving every penny I make then b/c you are obviously in the wrong place for your temperament. That's tough and I wish you the best.
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Though I'm still not sure why you're complaining about how hard it is to be a straight male in the rural South because my guess is life for a gay male is more difficult. I think that's akin to the argument that Title IX is wrong because it "takes away" money from traditionally male sports and spends it on *gasp* women athletes.
