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I, too, just read the OP and skimmed a few of the responses. However, I think the punishment is a bit too severe for what was an accident. You have to take what the child says at face value, not delve into an episode of CSI or Perry Mason to try to prove intent behind the action. The child said it was an accident, so it should be treated as such, unless you have witnesses or video to prove differently.
So, when the incident is viewed as an accident, the important thing is to make the other party whole, financially, and with a new window. However, the son should be told that while their action was not appropriate, their reaction to it, i.e., telling his father about the incident, was the right thing to do. Stress that he can tell you anything, anytime, and you will work through it together, but there are consequences for even accidents.
Explain that there is a cost to fix a situation, either through an insurance deductible, or payment to the other party for the repair of the vehicle. Stress that even in the case of an accident, people need to pay for the damages. Then, you can work out a settlement as to how much he has to pay, to repay you, and that he needs to earn the money to do so. Work out a repayment schedule by chore, up to the amount that he has to pay.
A nine-year old, is not financially responsible to the other party, as that is the parent's purview. So, any settlement needs to be made with the parents, not the neighbor, unless the neighbor is a very good friend who will assist you in aiding your son to the path of responsibility and restitution for his actions, even accidents. Don't make an issue out of the money, rather, continue to let your son know that telling you was the right thing to do, since you are ultimately responsible for his actions and accidents, until he becomes an adult. He told you, so you can work out the details of settling the case, but the other punishments are needlessly punitive, and tend to create more of a wedge than a bridge.
However, the dishwasher chore is a good one, but assign a value to the action for properly loading it, making sure that food is scraped off, properly replacing utensils and plates in the cabinets and drawers, etc. Make it less of a punishment and more of a means to do something to assist the family that is outside his normal chores, so he can then work towards repayment.
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All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
First of all, you didn't answer my question about who should clean up the mess that the broken window created.
To asnwer yours, I think for a kid who is 9, the parents should pay for the window. The kid should clean up the mess.
Whether anymore penalty / punishment / recovery would be important depends on things that I can't feel out from what has been posted here.
Nobody cares who is going to clean up the glass, the issue is replacing the broken window. Like Kibbie said, the broken glass is spilled milk at this point and is inconsequential. The only message that writing a check to the neighbor for the automotive repair is that daddy will be there to pay every time th child breaks something. The real lesson here is if you break it, you buy it.
I have not yet read all the other posts, but I TOTALLY agree with this. "Natural consequences" is the best way to handle something like this, in my opinion. If you do "X", then "Y" (something related) will happen.
I, too, think this was an unfortunate accident. The punishments administered by the OP do not relate to what happened. The better lesson learned is for the boy to be given opportunities to earn whatever it costs to pay for the broken window, and to apologize to the neighbor. That is what makes perfect sense to me.
Yep this is a perfect equation.
X+Y=Z
Where X is merchandise in the store, Y is the 9 year old child breaking the merchandise, and Z is the child paying for the broken merchandise that they did not purchase.
In other words, you break it, you buy it. Simple as that.
The idea that the father here insists his kid has ADHD is worrisome...perhaps the kid was overly stimulated by the stimulants?
I'll explain it to you in a few words
The fact that he has ADHD (Believe me, it would take you 5 minutes talking to him to see it) has a lot to do with him being very impulsive and doing things like throwing rocks, breaking something and right away think "Why did I do that?"
BTW, he doesn't take any meds for ADHD, he did one time and he constantly looked depressed.
I'll explain it to you in a few words
The fact that he has ADHD (Believe me, it would take you 5 minutes talking to him to see it) has a lot to do with him being very impulsive and doing things like throwing rocks, breaking something and right away think "Why did I do that?"
Nobody cares who is going to clean up the glass, the issue is replacing the broken window.
That's an interesting statement.
As someone who had a window broken in my driveway, I have a different opinion. I didn't care as much about the window getting broken. It happened and it needed to be repaired. What was a pain was cleaning up the glass. I spent most of the summer finding bits and pieces of glass in the driveway. Inside my car I found glass for 2-3 years down the road. The difficulty in cleaning the glass far outweighed the difficulty in replacing the window.
I would enroll him in a class to learn about glass manufacturing and fabrication, and have him make a replacement window starting from raw sand. Or maybe make a beautiful stained glass window to offer as atonement. Actually that sounds like a lot of fun.
A few years ago, I had just purchased a fairly nice new car, and a group of kids playing baseball in the street nailed us as we pulled into a driveway and left a noticeable dent in the door. The parents weren't able to communicate with us, which made for a fairly frustrating situation. The repair was only about $100, but took an entire afternoon of my time. This post reminded me of that incident -- I wonder what that kids punishment, if any, was.
The punishment does not fit the crime. None of that has anything to do with breaking the window. My. 8 And 10 year olds get $5 allowance per week. I'd make him pay for the repair out of his allowance. I might ground him from playing outside or with rocks for a week.
He should have to do some type of chores to pay for the window. He should not be allowed to play with rocks in that manner.
To teach him that when he breaks something that he will pay to replace it.
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