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A few years ago, I had just purchased a fairly nice new car, and a group of kids playing baseball in the street nailed us as we pulled into a driveway and left a noticeable dent in the door. The parents weren't able to communicate with us, which made for a fairly frustrating situation. The repair was only about $100, but took an entire afternoon of my time. This post reminded me of that incident -- I wonder what that kids punishment, if any, was.
It's not actually the same situation.
The kid in the OP, even at 9, should be able to recognize the inherent danger of throwing rocks near parked cars. Thus he has a large degree of responsibility for replacing the window.
For kids playing baseball being able to accurately place a ball is a skill beyond most of them. Especially regarding a car that is just moving into the range to be hit vs. one that was already there. In that case all responsibility falls on the parents who should have paid you. As for losing a couple of hours of your life. So what? You live in a world were accidents happen. Sometimes you will be mildly inconvenienced, it happens.
I'll explain it to you in a few words
The fact that he has ADHD (Believe me, it would take you 5 minutes talking to him to see it) has a lot to do with him being very impulsive and doing things like throwing rocks, breaking something and right away think "Why did I do that?"
BTW, he doesn't take any meds for ADHD, he did one time and he constantly looked depressed.
You don't drug your children with kiddie meth....Parents who opt for drugging their kids with stimulants will have to pay the price later...an underweight child...a child who will grow to be an adult and be a few inches shorter than nature intended - and as we know short tiny people become second class citizens...Don't drug your kids....cope with them--- feed them well...hydrate them...make sure they sleep...love them..........."I do not love him because he is good...I love him because he is my little child"......a child is more important than some piece of glass in a car...pay for the window and forget about it.
Oleg your opinion is both offensive and uneducated. You are entitled to it Moderator Cut. No parent wants to drug their child. I won't dive into that on this thread though.
Last edited by Jaded; 09-20-2013 at 01:17 PM..
Reason: Personal attack
I would just take electronics away...house chores should be expected at that age, and not used as punishment, it sends the wrong message about cleaning your home. He didn't do it purposely, it was an accident...did he apologize to the neighbor?
You don't drug your children with kiddie meth....Parents who opt for drugging their kids with stimulants will have to pay the price later...an underweight child...a child who will grow to be an adult and be a few inches shorter than nature intended - and as we know short tiny people become second class citizens...Don't drug your kids....cope with them--- feed them well...hydrate them...make sure they sleep...love them..........."I do not love him because he is good...I love him because he is my little child"......a child is more important than some piece of glass in a car...pay for the window and forget about it.
Have some kids with ADHD then talk.
...........Because you said so? how insulting?
Quote:
and as we know short tiny people become second class citizens
To teach him that when he breaks something that he will pay to replace it.
I agree 100%. However, the OP's punishment does not teach him those things. It just punishes him. If he is a normal 9 year old boy he will have trouble connecting what he did with the consequences. He should have to work to pay his parents back for the broken window. There are lots of things a 9 year old boy can do around the house to pay off his debt.
I too am a bit skeptical about the incident being a true "accident." It takes a LOT of force for a rock to break a car window. My oldest son has ADHD. He has always been very mischievous and impulsive, and he's also honest (almost to the point of being TOO honest!), and he's done things impulsively and then immediately confessed them to me. "By accident" with an ADHD child (and one day adult) often translates into "I don't know why I suddenly decided to tear that up/skip school/take that street drug/spend my whole paycheck over the weekend."
Therefore, I believe that your son's DISCIPLINE (not punishment) needs to be that he:
1) Apologizes in person or in a letter to the property owner
2) Offers to do something thoughtful for the property owner, like raking his yard (with you so you can supervise him), or helping make some cookies to take over along with the apology, and
3) Works to pay off the cost of the broken window
All kids, but especially our impulsive kids with ADHD, need to learn and EXPERIENCE the ramifications of their actions -starting when they are very small. ADHD kids need more reinforcement of this than other kids, generally speaking. It's often their impulsivity which creates their problems - this MUST be curtailed as much as possible.
I can promise you that "watching dad write a check" and being given a banking lesson is going to be pretty ineffective. The banking lesson he needs is connecting the dots between work and pay - and then giving someone else that hard earned money when you damage their property.
Isolating him or weeks of random punishment are two of the least effective ways to discipline and train a child with ADHD. He will have LONG forgotten why he's being denied video games or other creature comforts a few weeks or even days after the event and will need constant reminders to connect the two events. Isolation and denial of his activities which fill his very active, energetic mind will be pure torture and won't accomplish anything but frustrating him further - plus he will then have done NOTHING to actually make amends with the two people who are actually wronged in this situation - the property owner and the parent who had to pay for the damages.
To teach him that when he breaks something that he will pay to replace it.
Punishment doesn't do that. He was being impulsive/careless, and he made a mistake that cost money. The life lesson to learn from that is that we have to pay for our mistakes.
I would tell my son that I will have to pay for the neighbor's window right away so that it can be replaced. Then he must repay me for what I spent. I would take his $10 first. For one thing, he offered it and seems to naturally understand the concept of restitution. Then I would have him do specifically assigned chores on specifically assigned days (like a work schedule) to pay the rest off. The actual value of the $ is less relevant since he is 9 and has no real marketable skills that this point. Rather than focusing on money, I would focus on appropriate work value.
This teaches a life lesson. Random punishment not attached to the natural consequences of actions do not teach anything.
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