News, Mom Arrested for Leaving Daughter at Park While She Was Working (attorneys, 7 year old)
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You know, I'm tempted to say you guys are all right, the mother had no other options, anything other than what she did was just too difficult to accomplish, had too many obstacles,etc. But I don't think that's true. If one program doesn't work you try another. Anyone who's been a working mother, including me has had to do it. It's not always easy.
I've done it too. But I haven't done it as a single mother, with one, (low-ish?) income, on the spur of the moment. I'd be a lot more judgy if she were half of a couple earning enough to pay for camp or daycare and just declining to do so.
I've done it too. But I haven't done it as a single mother, with one, (low-ish?) income, on the spur of the moment. I'd be a lot more judgy if she were half of a couple earning enough to pay for camp or daycare and just declining to do so.
We don't know that it was spur of the moment. We don't know how much advance notice the mom had when her shift changed. We don't know how much support the mom has from friends and family. We don't know if she gets help from the dad. (My niece gets a lot of support from both grandmothers.) This mom appears to have a lot of friends who were willing to put up money for her legal defense.
We don't know that it was spur of the moment. We don't know how much advance notice the mom had when her shift changed. We don't know how much support the mom has from friends and family. We don't know if she gets help from the dad. (My niece gets a lot of support from both grandmothers.) This mom appears to have a lot of friends who were willing to put up money for her legal defense.
The safety of the child should take precedence.
If the child was in danger because of being in a park without a parent, that should apply to all of the children who were there without parents. Any other child at that park without a parent or other responsible adult with them was in every bit as much "danger" as this girl was.
And yes, there are a lot of things we don't know -- including whether or not she'd already tried to find a child care solution through these programs.
Last edited by Metlakatla; 07-20-2014 at 08:46 PM..
You know, I'm tempted to say you guys are all right, the mother had no other options, anything other than what she did was just too difficult to accomplish, had too many obstacles,etc. But I don't think that's true. If one program doesn't work you try another. Anyone who's been a working mother, including me has had to do it. It's not always easy.
And nobody said this either, so kindly refrain from putting words in my mouth.
As a working mother, I have NEVER tried to piece together childcare out of "programs," so kindly don't tell me what my experience has been either.
Last edited by Metlakatla; 07-20-2014 at 08:44 PM..
We don't know that it was spur of the moment. We don't know how much advance notice the mom had when her shift changed. We don't know how much support the mom has from friends and family. We don't know if she gets help from the dad. .
Exactly my point. A lot we don't know. A lot that could have had an impact on the choices that this mom made. We just don't know. My presuming the mom could have been in dire straits is no different than your presuming she wasn't really. Neither of us know.
I don't think it's a stretch to presume that finances may have had a role in the mom's decision here.
This wasn't ideal, but this kid wasn't in any more "danger" than any other neighborhood kid in that park with a mom or dad on the couch at home. It also doesn't seem like the kid was just dumped at the park and picked up after an eight hour shift but rather went back and forth between her mom's work and the park.
Could the mom have found another option? I don't know. I've heard that SC isn't kind to the poor, and it's possible that she made too much money to qualify for any sort of state funded childcare assistance. She could also make too much to qualify for scholarships to "programs." Funding and space are both generally limited on those, and the hours they keep seem designed for soccer moms who want to get the kids out their hair rather than for working parents.
It could really be that she didn't have any options unless she decided to simply leave the child home alone. That would have been legal in SC.
Last edited by Metlakatla; 07-20-2014 at 10:51 PM..
You cannot compare The Netherlands to the USA in this situation. That's absolutely absurd! You can't even compare the situation from city to city here in the US and a lot of my thoughts are based on where I live. When I was 10 I went all over the place too on my bike, ventured deep into the woods behind out house, walked to school a mile and a half away, etc.... Things unfortunately change.
My point was more that we were let loose in a foreign country where our parents had no idea about the local crime rates etc. but still gave us the independence because its important to do that (and also probably so they could get some time to themselves, because, well, that's important too)
If you live in a very dangerous place then I do understand more why you are being so protective.
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Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
So what happens when a couple of 9 y/os get in a fight? Or when a 12 y/o take a bike away from a 9 y/o or?
Do they solve all these dilemmas by themselves?
Or do the parents who are supervising their kids provide some minimal supervision?
Also, instead of a park in a subdivision, imagine it is a park in a neighborhood where free breakfast and lunches are provided. Would you be comfortable with you 9 y/o daughter wandering around by herself in what is bound to be a somewhat rougher neighborhood?
Kids generally can solve a lot of dilemmas of that kind between themselves if you just trust them and give them the space to do it. Its not doing kids any good if parents solve all their squabbles and fights.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
So some folks think it is just fine for a 9 y/o girl to be on her own all day. That they have experienced as well as observed children this age building forts, rowing boats, and everything is just fine. No need to worry.
Others think it is risky business. I come down on the risky business side of things. I've see the decisions third graders make. I've seen the fiascos in the library with a bunch of children this age and can only imagine what would go on at a park without even this minimal supervision.
During one afternoon I was at the library, there were two fights over a stolen cell phone, a fracas over someone flirting with a boyfriend, one young man threatened another with a knife (unsure what that was about) and it was reported that a girl was granting sexual favors for five dollars in the boy's bathroom. This was all in the space of two hours!
I find it very hard to believe that kids are naturally worse decision makers/badly behaved compared to kids here so it must be a parenting difference that causes this because I see unaccompanied kids in the library a lot and they behave themselves in there. Maybe the kids here make better decisions because they are allowed to do so from younger ages, learning independence and responsibility when they are still at the age where they really want to please their parents and the lessons they learn follow on as they get older. Even the teenagers aren't as rude or rowdy as they were back in the UK
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks
It's fine until it isn't. And it should be obvious to you, Natsku, but we're in the US, and you're in Finland, thus, you can't make generalizations about the safety of children in the US based on your experience living in Finland. Unfortunately, children in the US are not as safe. The crime rate here is considerably higher, for one thing. The obesity rate is higher, rate of uninsured citizens is higher, etc, etc. . . I find it amazing that so many people make excuses for not supervising their children by claiming "the child is old enough." A major responsibility of being a parent is supervising your children. A 9 year old at a park is not being supervised. A park, cell phone, or other inanimate object does not constitute human supervision.
Crime rates are certainly different and that does make a difference if you are living in a very dangerous area but a lot of the time people perceive the crime rate as being higher than it actually is and I am sure that many families in America live in areas where their kids could go out unsupervised pretty safely, just like here. The obesity rate being higher is quite likely connected to that.
Our biggest responsibility as parents is to teach our children to be independent, responsible people who can take of themselves. You don't teach that by supervising all the time, you teach that by giving age and maturity-level appropriate freedom.
^^There have been plenty of people over the last few days who have stated they felt it was perfectly fine to leave the child in the park by herself for an entire day, that people who disagreed were "helicopter parents" and the like. My argument is more with them. I also have issues with those who said this mother had no choice but to do what she did. There are many programs that have scholarships.
There are some places that have programs and as the budget cutters of the congress, instead of making corps pay their fair taxes,,, they CUT social programs... where have some of you been? The Y does a good job and Boys n Girls club, but you really think they are within reach of all the kids in the town or city? Reality please ! shine a light on folks! and as for attys anyone one who has a case who can posssibly SUE the attys be right there pro bono. You think moms like leaving their kids alone? I SURELY DID NOT, but myself and million more did it, and are still doing it. it is a fact of life... like it or not- and with the new thing of 29 HR work week only- it is even worse.
There was information published from the attorney indicating that the child had friends that would go to the park on a daily basis. The mother could have reached out to her daughter's friends parents to keep on her. In the same article it said the child had an electric scooter for those thinking she was not well off you may want to reconsider.
It said in that article that the park gave out free breakfast and lunches that were supervised. I have never heard of program like this that is supervised, however, with most of the free meals a parent does need to be present to say a child can eat the food. Most people in poverty do not care but in this day and age where I have kids come over and say they will sue if they get hurt in our house (never to be asked to come over again). The non profits need to CYA in this case most of the information coming from new sources may not be accurate. Most news sources say the child walked to McD's to eat lunch but coming from the lawyer that is representing the mother this is not correct.
Too many variables and no one will ever know the truth. I used to walk all over the place at age 12 and up my older sister watched when I was younger with my mom working. Those days are gone just like the days where I could pack my kids peanut butter and jellies. Since Joey's mom sued a school and said he should be able to eat next to my kid even though he is the one with the medical condition. Same goes for the parents that drop off their kids at the play area in the mall and then sue the mall when their child gets hurt on the play system.
I am not degrading any mother that works and cannot afford child care but has to do a latchkey kid. My biggest issue is with society in general where people want to make this story out to be about mothers' working and the poor mother it is the child that is getting the bad end of the deal. However, they will get the short end of the stick when the attorney sues CPS or the person whom called the police and wins but the money all goes to the attorney fees. Then the taxpayers will have to pay again.
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