U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 10-14-2014, 09:45 AM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,285,038 times
Reputation: 7394

Advertisements

I think once she experiences biting cold with an unzipped coat a few times, that'll probably do it. Have you made sure the coat actually zips recently? If that's not the case, then she might be rebelling because that's what kids do as they're fiddling with their own identity and becoming their own person. If she realizes why you want her to zip her coat, i.e. it's cold out, rather than feeling that you as her parent are just telling her what to do, then she'll realize that continuing to rebel is pointless. Good luck!

 
Old 10-14-2014, 10:21 AM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 9,619,522 times
Reputation: 11672
You've been told many times what to do, but you're not interested. Why ask? Surely you realize no one is going to tell you anything you will agree with.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 11:26 AM
 
1,937 posts, read 1,161,511 times
Reputation: 9170
I can't imagine how a parent can think it's easier to do everything for their child just so they won't whine. How about telling her to stop whining?

How about telling her she's a big girl, so she can zip her own coat if she chooses. Unless she is developmentally delayed or some such, she can understand the correlation between being cold and not zipping her coat. If she starts to whine, tell her you can't drive safely if she is making such horrible noise and pull over. Or tell her the whining gives you a headache and, when you get home, you will need peace and quiet to feel better and she will have to stay in her room with no TV or whatever.

Don't take the easy way out or it will bite you in the butt later on.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 11:32 AM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,155,704 times
Reputation: 3833
You say that you're the parent, and she should just do what you tell her to do, but then you give in when she starts "whining." Tell her to zip it if she's cold, and if she complains again then tell her to stop complaining - you won't hear it because she can zip her coat if she wants. If she whines again, then tell her that if she whines one more time, then she won't get to _______________ (watch a TV show she loves to watch, eat dessert, have a play date she's looking forward to, whatever it is that will get her attention). And then if she whines, follow through - don't let her have what you told her she wouldn't get if she whined again. And STILL, don't zip up her coat for her.

It's called parenting. Sometimes you have to let the kid whine so they realize that whining won't get them what they want. And sometimes, you have to punish them for the whine (and follow through), so they realize that whining constantly will only hurt them instead of reward them.

Right now, you are rewarding her for whining. She knows that if she whines enough, you'll just do it yourself. Do you do the same thing when you tell her to pick up her toys, and she whines or dawdles for long enough that you end up doing it yourself? Does she whine if you tell her to bring her dirty dishes to the sink, until you just do it yourself? She knows you'll give in. She doesn't whine with dad, because he doesn't give in to her. Grow a backbone, and just deal with it.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 11:58 AM
 
1,167 posts, read 1,040,541 times
Reputation: 2136
"Mooooom, I'm cold."
"Sorry to hear that darling. Perhaps you should zip your coat up."
"I don't wanna, you do it!"
"zip your coat up if you are cold, please. If you get stuck, I will help you get unstuck."
"zip my coat up moooom!"
"Is it stuck?"
*whine*
"oh look at that bird over there!"
*whine*
"Do you think we should have peas, or carrots with the chicken tonight"
"I'm coooold."
"have you still not zipped up? well we are almost home now. Maybe we can make cocoa when we get in to warm up." *smile*

Seriously, you are in control of your emotions, your body, and your reactions, just as she is of hers. She isn't making you capitulate, she is not in control of you, and what you choose to do. You are.

Oh, and my son has been dressing for cold/wet weather, putting on snow pants, boots etc. and zipping up his own coat since he was 3. He enjoys the independence of being able to do such things. Sometimes, though, he wants me to do these things for him. When he's tired. Or feeling down, or just wants to connect, he asks as a way to reassure himself that mama is there for him and that I can and will help when he needs it.

Maybe your daughter is seeking some kind of connection as well?
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:08 PM
 
14 posts, read 13,908 times
Reputation: 13
She CAN zip her own coat but it takes her a while because she struggles to connect zip but does EVENTUALLY manage to persevere but tbh, it is her being lazy and refusing to persevere, if she struggles at School then she gets a friend to "help" but the help ends up being "her friend doing it for her, UNINTENTIONALLY"!

Anyway, the kids I childmind (aged 5 and 8) zip their own coats which I usually use with DD but it doesn't work. I say to her "look, these 2 zip their own coat, even Helen who is 5), Helen is then delighted and mocks Erin which angers Erin.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,761 posts, read 4,300,228 times
Reputation: 5977
Quote:
Originally Posted by joanna02 View Post
My 7yr old daughter Erin is bad for coming out of School on days that its cold with her coat unzipped. When I ask her to "zip up your coat", she says "you do it" but she is perfectly capable of doing it for herself, I get sick of having to zip it up everyday just because she is to lazy to do it by herself.

She is fussy about coats, she will only wear Regatta coats that MUST have zips, she hates coats that have buttons or toggles.

So, how can I get her zipping her coat by herself (she can do it but is to lazy)? She is very independent apart from this and liking to hold my hand evetytime we go out.
I grew up hating coats - we moved all the time and lived in various temps, but for the most part I hated wearing coats and would always take them off despite my mother's best attempts.

To this day (I'm in my mid-40s) I rarely wear coats unless I know I'm going to be out in the cold for more than an hour. I LOVE the cold. I did a 5K race last year in late November - the weather was in the upper 30s. I showed up in shorts and a t-shirt while everyone around me had hats, gloves, leggings and multiple layers. I love the cold (my bucket list vacation destination is Antarctica).

It's possible your daughter likes the cold. Trust her to know to zip up when she feels the cold. Just be okay with the fact that that may be never.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:18 PM
 
1,167 posts, read 1,040,541 times
Reputation: 2136
Quote:
Originally Posted by joanna02 View Post
She CAN zip her own coat but it takes her a while because she struggles to connect zip but does EVENTUALLY manage to persevere but tbh, it is her being lazy and refusing to persevere, if she struggles at School then she gets a friend to "help" but the help ends up being "her friend doing it for her, UNINTENTIONALLY"!

Anyway, the kids I childmind (aged 5 and 8) zip their own coats which I usually use with DD but it doesn't work. I say to her "look, these 2 zip their own coat, even Helen who is 5), Helen is then delighted and mocks Erin which angers Erin.
So help her to connect the zipper and then let her do the rest alone. It's not a big deal. It takes you a matter of seconds. If it takes you longer, you've bought her a crappy coat with a sucky zipper.

I'm an adult and I still sometimes get a zipper stuck or have trouble connecting a coat zipper when it's finicky. I've even gotten so frustrated I've asked my husband for help. I'm not lazy or reluctant to persevere. I just know when it's more effective to ask for help.

The school work is a whole other issue I'm not even going to touch.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:19 PM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,853,507 times
Reputation: 9604
We could discuss all day on whether zipping the coat is necessary but that really isn't the point...

Parents will always differ on what is required behavior...

You are the parent...
You want the coat zipped...
You should be able to ask her to zip it and apply consequences if she does not obey...

In my opinion you don't force the zipping, you enforce the consequence that will
let her decide the zipping is a better option...

Let her make the choice....But explain beforehand what the consequence will be for
not obeying..Expect her to test you...


So to me the proper question is what are ideas for consequences for
disobeying your instruction to zip up....

Consequence should be things she loves & loses for disobeying...
No dessert that day
No favorite cartoon
Time out when she gets home
take away favorite toy a day...



I would limit the consequence to that day so that she can choose to obey the next day and
start fresh...
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:26 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,690,603 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by joanna02 View Post
She CAN zip her own coat but it takes her a while because she struggles to connect zip but does EVENTUALLY manage to persevere but tbh, it is her being lazy and refusing to persevere, if she struggles at School then she gets a friend to "help" but the help ends up being "her friend doing it for her, UNINTENTIONALLY"!
She can't do it because you've done it her whole life. Stop it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top