U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-17-2015, 07:49 AM
 
Location: SouthEast
166 posts, read 159,371 times
Reputation: 342

Advertisements

Turn it around and think about it like this.
How would she tolerate it if you 'lost it' and threw a show at her almost hitting her? I bet we both know the answer to that one. Your 1st Sgt and Commander would hear about it and so forth.
Be very careful with your military career. I'm in my 17th year of active duty and have seen it too many times.

It sounds like you already know what needs to happen and where its headed, you just have to get your mind around it.

Good luck and stay close to your daughters.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-17-2015, 05:35 PM
 
219 posts, read 202,698 times
Reputation: 297
You and your kids would be much happier without this lady. Stop talking to her parents. I'd divorce her. Life is too short to be a part of someone's misery.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2015, 07:53 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,286,700 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinar View Post
You and your kids would be much happier without this lady. Stop talking to her parents. I'd divorce her. Life is too short to be a part of someone's misery.
I agree with this person's viewpoint ^ .

Your wife sounds like an immature, spoiled brat who's used to always having her own way.
And even if your kids are super now, the longer they have to tolerate her and her behavior, the more likely it is you'll end up with trouble with them, too.

Plus, have you considered the possibility that the kids might be embarrassed to bring other kids to your home because they don't want their friends to see what their stepmother is like?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2015, 08:57 PM
 
219 posts, read 202,698 times
Reputation: 297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I agree with this person's viewpoint ^ .

Your wife sounds like an immature, spoiled brat who's used to always having her own way.
And even if your kids are super now, the longer they have to tolerate her and her behavior, the more likely it is you'll end up with trouble with them, too.

Plus, have you considered the possibility that the kids might be embarrassed to bring other kids to your home because they don't want their friends to see what their stepmother is like?

Not to mention if you don't even like your wife, I guarantee your kids don't either. They would probably jump for joy if you told them you were divorcing her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 08:24 AM
 
Location: The analog world
16,383 posts, read 9,044,993 times
Reputation: 21818
Quote:
Originally Posted by armydad310 View Post
Please forgive me if this islong, I feel like ranting alittle today

Last night, the wife (kids step-mom) being her usual self, decidedonce again that my children deserve nothing. She decided to throw away a magazine they had just received in the mailyesterday that we got them a subscription to for Christmas. My daughters are 17 (in two weeks) and 15 andlive with us full time. Their bio-mom iscompletely out of the picture and can’t have contact with them. Needless to say, this isn’t the first timeshe takes things away from them. Ourcloset is littered with items she has taken away, and when I give them back,she immediately confiscates them again. They have no cell phones (even though I think they should have them),and no electronics at all except for a radio in their rooms. They aren’t bad kids, no drugs, alcohol,partying, etc. They’re home with usevery night and seem to have very few friends, none of which ever come to ourhouse.

When the wife comes home from her job in the evening (afterI do), I can never tell how her mood is going to be. Even if she is in a good mood, the smallestthing will set her off. For example, theother day she tripped over one of her own shoes that she had just taken off andthrew it across the room, nearly hitting me. Luckily the kids weren’t home at the time. Another time, she flips out because there’s afew crumbs left on the counter in the kitchen after the kids have cleaned it,she’ll keep making the re-do it until it passes a white glove test. Her father even stated “it’s her kitchen, shewants it cleaned a specific way”. I’m ofthe mindset that I don’t care how it’s done, as long as it’s done. I’ve tried talking to her parents, but allthey do is take her side and say I’m wrong. Excuse me, but they’re MY kids, not hers or theirs. This as well as many other things is reallystarting to get to me lately. I’ve madean appointment for myself to go see a family counselor and maybe talk some ofwhat I am feeling out, as it feels like we all walk on egg shells around her.

We got into an argument a while back where she stated “I’myour wife, you need to put me first in this family”. At which point I told her “Mykids come first”. Needless to say, shedidn’t like that and throws that in my face anytime I over-rule some ridiculousnew rule she decides to put in place in regards to the kids. Anyway, I think I’m done ranting for now, ifyou made it this far, thanks for reading.
Quote:
Originally Posted by armydad310 View Post
So I’ve been in counseling for a few months now. I’m beginning to see how she tends to operatein in a cycle. Everything seems to go well for a while, then out of the blue, right back to where we were. I can almost predict when it’s going to happen. The counselor and I have been talking a lot about respect given and received. The more I think about it, the more it comes to mind that she doesn’t respect anyone in the household. The kids give it to her (mostly, like anybody, they have their outbursts at times ,but nothing ever violent.) I give it to her, but we never get anything back itseems. I even brought up the whole “you should put me first” thing she said to the counselor, and that’s when the respect conversation began. I’ve alread yhad one panic attack and sometimes it feels like I’m about to have another, that scared me a lot. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to give the counseling before taking the next step and ending the marriage. It still hurts alot every time I think about it even though I’ve been in this situation before with my ex (the kids bio-mom). Thanks again to everyone for the great advice, I really do take it all in and appreciate it.
Menopause. Seriously, it makes us crazy, and it can go on for years! I feel like my brain has been invaded. Your second post tipped me off. I'm not saying you don't have some serious relationship issues to resolve, but menopause probably has something to do with your wife's difficult personality. If you can hold on for the ride, my older female friends assure me that things will smooth out considerably.

Last edited by randomparent; 05-18-2015 at 08:32 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 03:17 PM
 
9 posts, read 14,156 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Menopause. Seriously, it makes us crazy, and it can go on for years! I feel like my brain has been invaded. Your second post tipped me off. I'm not saying you don't have some serious relationship issues to resolve, but menopause probably has something to do with your wife's difficult personality. If you can hold on for the ride, my older female friends assure me that things will smooth out considerably.

I can tell you for certain this is not the case, I won't go into all of the details of how I know, but she is a few years younger than me and this has been going on for years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 03:33 PM
 
Location: The analog world
16,383 posts, read 9,044,993 times
Reputation: 21818
Maybe she's not, but the forties are typically the beginning, so if she's not there yet, it might get worse before it gets better. Buckle up!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 03:41 PM
 
679 posts, read 489,654 times
Reputation: 1110
Get the woman out of your children's life. At a minimum, offer the wife NO SUPPORT as it pertains to the girls. She has already proven to be an evil evil 'stepmother', IMO. If your girls are anything like my girls, they will start fighting back, and then you will have an uncontainable war on your hands. On the other hand, if your girls don't fight back they will wind up incredibly frustrated and that will manifest itself in many deleterious ways.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 04:48 PM
 
15,244 posts, read 16,214,601 times
Reputation: 25325
Quote:
Originally Posted by armydad310 View Post
So Iíve been in counseling for a few months now. Iím beginning to see how she tends to operatein in a cycle. Everything seems to go well for a while, then out of the blue, right back to where we were. I can almost predict when itís going to happen. The counselor and I have been talking a lot about respect given and received. The more I think about it, the more it comes to mind that she doesnít respect anyone in the household. The kids give it to her (mostly, like anybody, they have their outbursts at times ,but nothing ever violent.) I give it to her, but we never get anything back itseems. I even brought up the whole ďyou should put me firstĒ thing she said to the counselor, and thatís when the respect conversation began. Iíve alread yhad one panic attack and sometimes it feels like Iím about to have another, that scared me a lot. I donít know how much longer Iím going to give the counseling before taking the next step and ending the marriage. It still hurts alot every time I think about it even though Iíve been in this situation before with my ex (the kids bio-mom). Thanks again to everyone for the great advice, I really do take it all in and appreciate it.
Respect and communication are key in any relationship and it doesn't sound like you have either in yours.

Also, while it's true that in order to maintain your marriage your wife should "come first," she also has an obligation to do her best to be a decent parent to your daughters. It doesn't sound like she's doing that.

Kudos to you for seeking counseling and trying to make the best of a difficult situation. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 05:06 PM
 
519 posts, read 562,939 times
Reputation: 954
Your spouse comes first, but there are lines a spouse can cross that change that. One of those lines is abuse towards you. Marriages should always be based on love, and abuse, I can confidently say, is not love. Protect your children now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top