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I never thought it was selfish for not wanting children. I did hear people call those people selfish, and I think its due to a variety of reasons. I think some feel that people (especially only children) not having children are causing their living parents to not have grandchildren. Some feel that the family tree should always be extending out and if a couple don't have kids or only have one, it makes the immediate family very small. Some feel that quantity is very important and that a family with a lot of members is better...not sure why though.
I know of many situations where a couple would have one child or even two or three and not have grandchildren. I do know those couples are kinda sadden or feel some type of way because they don't have them. They feel left out when their friends, coworkers, siblings, cousins and other close aged counterparts and associates do and when others brag about their grandkids, it kinda hits them.
Personally, I want kids because I want to provide them with love and for them to experience a childhood that I didn't have. I grew up with high pressure type parenting, dysfunctional family members who are in cliques, and lack of support. I want my kids to enjoy life, be happy, and do well in life but choose what route they want to take. I want to provide for them, take them on trips and vacations, expose them to different things, etc. I want to enjoy them during holidays. And when they turn into adults, I want them to live their lives and hopefully they can find somebody who loves them and get married and have a family on their own. But I wouldn't pressure them at all to reproduce..it would be their choice.
Let me guess, was a "parent" who called you selfish?
I have kids, but I don't consider those who don't "selfish"! I consider them "smart" actually.
I have babysitted my nephews and niece before enough to get an idea what I would get myself into. Its a lot of immense pressure and responsibilites I think it is rewarding and a beautiful thing for my nephews and niece to grow up and watch them grow while I would find it rewarding its a lot of work and exhausting sometimes since raising kids never stops.
Feeding them milk playing with them and watching their fav cartoons is all fun and all but its also a lot of responsibilities
I never saw having a child as easy job and thats how my friends and family make it feel thou lots of money investment and not to mention lots of time I can lose my patience with kids sometimes and I rather pursue my free time and if I did have a kid I probably would always find a babysitter and I would not want that since I want a life outside of work its just me but I never had nothing against kids
but to all parents in this thread and forum keep it up and I hope you guys always find it rewarding
Who ARE these people? I was never asked, and I know for certain my sons haven't been asked either.
Are there certain cultures where it's consider ok to ask personal questions like this? Because I don't think it's an American thing, at all.
I worked in banking, a very conservative culture in itself. When I was working there (14 years), the majority of women were my age, married, and having kids, or my mother's age who had daughters my age who were married and having kids. I really was the oddball out.
What made it worse was that I got a dog and seriously went into dog training practically full time after work. A lot of the other dogs I trained belonged to my coworkers and at work, I thought I'd never hear the end of the "a dog is no substitution for a child" comments. But that sure didn't stop me from training my dog and other dogs and having a hell of a good time for years while my coworkers were having morning sickness and changing diapers. And it was a good lesson in how to ignore people who think they know better than you how to run your own life.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by rodentraiser
I worked in banking, a very conservative culture in itself. When I was working there (14 years), the majority of women were my age, married, and having kids, or my mother's age who had daughters my age who were married and having kids. I really was the oddball out.
What made it worse was that I got a dog and seriously went into dog training practically full time after work. A lot of the other dogs I trained belonged to my coworkers and at work, I thought I'd never hear the end of the "a dog is no substitution for a child" comments. But that sure didn't stop me from training my dog and other dogs and having a hell of a good time for years while my coworkers were having morning sickness and changing diapers. And it was a good lesson in how to ignore people who think they know better than you how to run your own life.
Oh Lord, I work in banking and it can be hell for a childfree person. It seems like every day I'm listening to someone's kid or looking at a new baby pic or whatever. I've been straight up asked if I want to have kids. Instead of saying hell no in 2 milliseconds like I usually do, I have to polish my answer to "I don't know, I haven't made a decision yet and I'm still single so it won't be anytime soon."
The banks in the South are the absolute worst, good luck getting hired if you aren't a woman with kids.
Some people are going to give you crap no matter what you do. I got a lot of flack from people when they found out that I was pregnant with my second child at 36. At that point I already had a grown child and most people thought I was nuts to start over. I got asked a lot why I would want another child when I just finished raising one. I also got some nasty comments about my age. One coworker told me that I was probably going to have a baby with Down Syndrome because my eggs were old (dumb kid in the mailroom.) I'm not going to lie, the comments bothered me sometimes but at the end of the day it's my life and I can live it how I please.
Personally, I don't care if someone chooses not to have children and I think that most people feel the same way. It's your life and do what makes you happy.
Ha, and some people question my decision to have "so many" kids. I have 3. It's a crew, but it's not huge, by my definition. And even if I had 7 or 1 or whatever number, who are they, the proverbial "other people", to decide, if it is "a lot" or "too much"?
If you don't want to have kids, then don't have them! Practice to stand up for your decisions in life in an assertive way, and know when not to care too much about answering every strange or stupid question you get...
I worked in banking, a very conservative culture in itself. When I was working there (14 years), the majority of women were my age, married, and having kids, or my mother's age who had daughters my age who were married and having kids. I really was the oddball out.
What made it worse was that I got a dog and seriously went into dog training practically full time after work. A lot of the other dogs I trained belonged to my coworkers and at work, I thought I'd never hear the end of the "a dog is no substitution for a child" comments. But that sure didn't stop me from training my dog and other dogs and having a hell of a good time for years while my coworkers were having morning sickness and changing diapers. And it was a good lesson in how to ignore people who think they know better than you how to run your own life.
I see where you are coming from, and I absolutely agree that it is wrong to constantly, and even occasionally, asking a person "when they are going to have kids". Maybe some day, maybe never. Maybe they really don't want the, and maybe they do, but are unable to, and then it's just too touchy of a subject to even start on.
That said, don't you feel judgmentally flavored phrases, if you reread your comment? I'm not sure if you truly meant it that way or not, but "having a hell of a good time for years while my coworkers were having morning sickness and changing diapers" doesn't sound too accepting to me, and people sense that, even if you don't say it out loud. Perhaps their questions that made you uncomfortable partially came from the desire to protect THEIR choice to be parents. You can be a childless person calmly, without starting a war, you know...
And that said, even though I am a parent myself, I never ask others "if" or "when", and "isn't it wonderful to have kids", and I know many other parents who respect other people's choice to stay childless.
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