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I say, "Smart." Smart for having the foresight to realize that bringing a child into the world is probably the most serious, important - and permanent - undertaking you will ever experience. It's not a feature film; it's a lifetime movie that doesn't end. There's no way to switch channels or turn it off.
As for being selfish, there is another way of looking at your decision to not bring children into the world. From this other perspective you might be considered unselfish. Unselfish for refusing to subject another innocent human being to a rapidly deteriorating planet.
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i dont want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
It'll never stop until you're past childbearing age. People will make horrible assumptions, such as that you hate children, and so on. In this area, people feel free to volunteer life advice and criticism that they certainly wouldn't tolerate in turn. It's just how it is, unfortunately.
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
There is a certain - class shall we say - of people in this world who can not bear the thought that other people make different life choices than their own. They see it as a judgement on them - like "What is so wrong with my choices that you can not make them too?"
One example of this is choosing not to drink alcohol any more when you socialise. The response to this can often be a "Oh you are so much better than us now are you - looking down on us drinkers" kind of attitude. People like that see your alternative life choice as a judgement of their own life choice.
Having children is just another example of this and people take personal offence to the idea you have judged their choices and not taken them too. They think your choice is a judgement of theirs. The idea people can take different life paths without judgement of anyone else's - is merely alien to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
a suicidally selfish decision on a societal level.
No. It is not. At least not until the quantity of people making that choice becomes statistically significant. Which it is very very very far from being. On a society level we merely require a certain quantity of people make the choice to reproduce.
There is no onus - ethical, moral, scientific or anything else - on any particular individual to make that choice. There is nothing either selfish - or suicidal - about it nor is society "diminished" at all. Certainly not a society that would value simply having any kids at all merely for the sake of producing them - over only kids that are actually wanted, supported and loved.
Nor - despite what you said - do I see the OP seeking any applause for the decision. There is a chasm of difference between seeking applause - and seeking not to be wrongly judged and evaluated. The OP seeks the latter - not the former.
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i dont want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
It is far more grievous and selfish to have them and then chunk them off onto others: nannies, sitters, grandparents, or anyone you can--- so you can have some sort of life (even work--too many admit they use work to escape the kids) back. They DO take up your whole life--- if you parent them right. They WILL take all of your time, most of your resources, etc. That is if you don't pawn them off or get someone else to pay for their needs---like taxpayers or family.
Sadly, too many have kids for all the wrong reasons, and then don't finish the job/commitment. They don't want to sacrifice the vacation(s), hair appointments, golf lessons, extra car/toys, emotional well being, energy, attention (why so many are raised by a box (video or cable).
OP, kudos for you for being honest, self aware, and able to see the whole picture. Kids have many great things about them, but just like anything of great value, they take great work and time.
My MIL treated me like crap when I told her that she wouldn't have any future play things by us. The disrespect was ridiculous. It wasn't like she didn't have other play things. My mother on the other hand had only one that she wasn't involved with. She wouldn't have been involved with my kids either if I had any. I never had that biological urge to reproduce and John never wanted kids either. We're perfect for each other. That should have been enough for my MIL.
A lot of would-be grandparents should be glad their children didn't have any kids themselves. I know of many families where the grandparents end up raising their own children's kids (i.e., their grandchildren) because the real parents (i.e., the grandparents' children) are too incompetent & lazy to raise their own kids.
If you have kids, raise them yourselves! Don't force your own parents to have to raise them - they should be enjoying their golden years, not raising someone else's kids! Anyone that is able to raise their kids themselves & forces their parents to do so is an entitled P.O.S. scum-bag!
OP. Keep in mind, what people do is try to force others to do what is they should do, and what they "should do" is what most people do. Its the same with clothes, they want you to dress like everyone else, act and think like everyone else. Don't be a sheep is you don't want to. If you don't want children, do any future children of yours a favor, and don't have children.
Personally, in many cases, its a wise choice. They require a lot of work and sacrifice and money. They certainly don't always turn out like you like and some of them even turn on you, or never show any respect or appreciation. I agree with you. If you don't want your own children, don't do because everyone else tells you to.
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i dont want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
I know. Of all the things that one could be called for deciding not to have children (environmentally aware, self-aware, happy with your life as it is), why people pick "selfish" is beyond me. I've been called that, too. At first it hurt (because I cared about this person's opinion of me) but then after I really thought about it, I was like, "Huh?"
IMO, it's intrusive, and actually feels more like they are envious than anything else, and feel the need to take you down a peg (as my grandma used to say).
IMO, it's intrusive, and actually feels more like they are envious than anything else, and feel the need to take you down a peg (as my grandma used to say).
Yes - jealousy definitely has a lot to do with this. I remember having a conversation with one of my relatives who has a lot of children & she was constantly having to deal with expenses, issues with her kids, etc. She basically told me that I made too much $ because I'm single & don't have to deal with kids; this is even though I don't make that much $ - she was just jealous because I didn't have to deal with the expenses & hassle that she did. She can take her opinions & stick them where the sun don't shine
Also, the idea that your kids will be there for you when you get older is a crock of $#%@. I used to do volunteer work in a nursing home (not because I had to, but because I wanted to), and many of the elderly people I would see there had kids, but the kids had basically abandoned them in there & never came to visit them.
I also personally know of many cases where parents have been extremely disappointed with their children. I've even heard some parents say that they regretted ever having children in the first place!
And, there are all of the stories you read on the news of parents who are having financial issues, and end up offing themselves & their entire families - because of the stress associated with not having enough $. Also, there are cases where spoiled, entitled kids end up offing their parents.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 10-02-2015 at 08:37 AM..
The only people who think you're selfish are those who are just dying from being neck deep in puke, dirty diapers, dirty clothes, bills, and mouthy teenagers. Count yourself as lucky and do exactly as you please!
Have people lost their minds?
I mean having a kid is nice but i dont want them
People make it seem like its a damn requirement life
Let me guess, was a "parent" who called you selfish?
I have kids, but I don't consider those who don't "selfish"! I consider them "smart" actually.
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