Does my son annoy you? (genius, playing, ten year old, natural)
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Now I'm confused too. I answered the way I did, that it wouldn't bother me, because I only saw the part of the OP about being in a lounge area with cartoons on. I reread it, and see there is a reference to his doing it while "out and about" too. Where?
like the fire works shows, he would strike up a convo while waiting. Or animal viewing at animal kingdom, he would just start talking to other groups looking at the animal he was looking at. The flight he tried to take another empty seat but i made him come sit back with us. Swimming pool he would try (and fail) to join other boys (all related) in their play. He went and sat by another family during a parade. There was room for him, but no one else. And he chatted with them quite a bit. He also went on several rides none of us wanted to go on and I could see him talking to people in line No idea what they thought.
^^^ None of those instances seem inappropriate to me. Nobody has privacy in a crowd. Unfortunately, he probably will get his feelings hurt along the way, and when he does, his outgoing personality may take a hit. I would practice more with the voice modulation. I don't have a high tolerance for loud, although in a place like Disney, it wouldn't stand out.
You taught him how. Son is mimicking you If you can bring down your tone permanently he will copy it.He is only 10 years old hardly old enough to learn social skills other than at home.
I found some good advice on website that sound like they will work very well for son.
Here is a link to The Quiet Home Plan Loud Homes To Quiet Homes | Terrific Parenting with Dr. Randy Cale.
like the fire works shows, he would strike up a convo while waiting. Or animal viewing at animal kingdom, he would just start talking to other groups looking at the animal he was looking at. The flight he tried to take another empty seat but i made him come sit back with us. Swimming pool he would try (and fail) to join other boys (all related) in their play. He went and sat by another family during a parade. There was room for him, but no one else. And he chatted with them quite a bit. He also went on several rides none of us wanted to go on and I could see him talking to people in line No idea what they thought.
I am confused as to why he is allowed to spend so much time with other people and is allowed such free reign. Where were you that your son ate an entire meal with another family and you weren't aware of it? And why would you be at Disney and not want to go on rides with him so you stand back and let him go by himself? It's one thing to try and play with other kids in the pool, but unless he was invited to join them, I don't think it's okay to plop himself down and eat breakfast with another family. IMO, you shouldn't be waiting for cues from others to retrieve your own son. He's there on your family trip, not other people's.
You're sending your 10-year-old all alone to go on rides? A 10-year-old who looks like he's 7 and does not recognize social cues? I can pretty much guarantee he's annoying people in line. You need to be with him in these types of situations, and he's too young to be sent through rides at DisneyWorld. What are you doing while he's going on rides all alone? I would not welcome someone else's kid sitting with my family during the fireworks shows, whether or not they were loud and annoying... When those things end, it's a mad dash out of there and it's dark and so easy to lose a kid. I'd be nervous about where on earth this child's parents were and whether he was lost or would get lost while sitting with me trying to talk my ear off.
HFB, you need to be more attentive to your young kid. He's not 16; he's 10. Go on the rides with him and teach him that he cannot simply barge into other people's groups. If he's seeing a counselor to help him through this, that's great, but you need to be backing up his new skills on your own, and that includes when you're on vacation. I'm not sure if this is something that is happening when you're not on vacation (at restaurants, in shopping centers, at the grocery store), but remember that everyone else at Disney is on vacation, too. They paid a lot of money, just like you did, and most people do not want to have to watch and entertain someone else's child, no matter how adorable and precocious.
I am confused as to why he is allowed to spend so much time with other people and is allowed such free reign.
Where were you that your son ate an entire meal with another family and you weren't aware of it?
And why would you be at Disney and not want to go on rides with him so you stand back and let him go by himself?
It's one thing to try and play with other kids in the pool, but unless he was invited to join them, I don't think it's okay to plop himself down and eat breakfast with another family. IMO, you shouldn't be waiting for cues from others to retrieve your own son. He's there on your family trip, not other people's.
I allow him free reign as long as he stays in sight. He is a very independent person and forcing him to always be by my side would be a battle I couldn't win. Its a personality thing. Out of my 4 kids (and several foster kids), he is the only one who is like this. Its been negotiation all along the way with how much autonomy I would grant him.
It wasn't an entire meal. It was snacks or a very light breakfast in a very casual setting.
My daughter and husband don't like thrill rides. One day I was very ill (dehydration) and I couldn't go on any thrill rides either. We opted to let my son go on (8 years old and up can go on alone if they meet the height requirement) while we waited (and I pushed fluids).
You taught him how. Son is mimicking you If you can bring down your tone permanently he will copy it.He is only 10 years old hardly old enough to learn social skills other than at home.
I found some good advice on website that sound like they will work very well for son.
Here is a link to The Quiet Home Plan Loud Homes To Quiet Homes | Terrific Parenting with Dr. Randy Cale.
Good Luck
My husband talks so quietly you can hardly hear him if there is back ground noise. I have a normal voice level.
Let's look at what HFB has REALLY said, rather than jumping to crazy scenarios in our minds:
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Those things...well if he is excited and I am asking him to keep his voice down, if that bothers you...not too worried about it. But what does worry me is that he walks up to strangers and just starts talking to them. Most people talk back, often people smile at me and say something nice about him. Sometimes they joke that I must be tired by the end of the day (I tell them I am tired 5 minutes after waking up). He has something to say about EVERYTHING. I find it kind of embarrassing. I can't remember the last time a little boy walked up and just struck up a conversation with me. I probably thought he was "special". He does get ignored often enough, it doesn't phase him. Sometimes he will walk away, keep talking or sometimes he will find someone else to talk to.
Then there was the "lounge". We stayed at a resort hotel that had a lounge on our floor that served snacks, desserts and beverages through out the day. The seating was casual, some tables, couches, etc. It wasn't distinct separations like a restaurant, yet people tended to sit with their group and not interact. Only one TV and it always had cartoons for kids on it. When he would go in, he would just usually join a table, usually near the TV, but sometimes other ones that looked interesting. The first few times he joined another family I would go up and tell him he needs to ask before he parks himself at someone else's table, and every time the parents would just laugh it off and say he is welcome and he was enjoyable to have. I would joke that he is always trying to leave us and join another family. He did this sometimes when we were out and about too. Just go join up with what another family was doing.
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like the fire works shows, he would strike up a convo while waiting. Or animal viewing at animal kingdom, he would just start talking to other groups looking at the animal he was looking at. The flight he tried to take another empty seat but i made him come sit back with us. Swimming pool he would try (and fail) to join other boys (all related) in their play. He went and sat by another family during a parade. There was room for him, but no one else. And he chatted with them quite a bit. He also went on several rides none of us wanted to go on and I could see him talking to people in line No idea what they thought.
Maybe it's because I come from a family of extroverts and talkers, and because I am one myself. Maybe it's because my parents ENCOURAGED my brothers and me to interact with different groups of people - strangers - in various settings, rather than discouraged us. Maybe it's because in my family (my parents, my cousins, and then when I was raising my own kids, and now that they're raising theirs) we have always encouraged curiosity, conversation skills with people of any age, jumping in and meeting people with confidence, joining groups, expressing ourselves and our opinions freely and openly, etc - but honestly, while I envision the OP's child as a bit awkward and like, as she said, a "bull in a china shop," I just don't see him as a particularly strange or annoying child. I see him as quirky, intelligent, engaging, funny, cute, and occasionally annoying - but what 10 year old ISN'T occasionally annoying?
I have four kids and three are extroverts and one is very shy and quiet. One of my extroverts also has dyslexia, ADD, and an IQ of 140. I admit freely - he was by far the most challenging of my kids to raise (he also had a hearing problem and had to take speech lessons for about six years - but would talk a blue streak to anyone who would listen from age `8 months on - he could truly be exhausting!). Lest you think he sounds like a nerd or a real weirdo - he is also extremely good looking, athletic, loving, friendly, loyal, and very charming. Also - tiring, exasperating, and frustrating. Due probably to his myriad of issues, he was a late bloomer and emotionally immature. He is now 28 and has FINALLY discovered welding classes and realized that he loves that sort of thing - which makes him feel more confident because till now he could only struggle with a feeling of inferiority because he knew he wasn't "college material." He was in the Army for six years and was infantry, and now due to several wartime deployments he also struggles with PTSD - which isn't surprising, because he's just an extremely emotional, imaginative person and always will be. So it's great news to all of us that he can use his military educational benefits for something like welding. He's super excited. OF course, he's always super excited - LOL.
He's an exhausting sort of person but he's also so full of love, adventure, joy, and enthusiasm for life that he can be a lot of fun to be around. He's married, and thankfully they dated for four years so she did know what she was signing up for - but I do worry about whether or not she can put up with him for the long haul.
But then again - MANY people have issues and behaviors that wear other people out. I'm not saying it's OK, I'm just saying that it's not off the charts weird.
My other two extroverts didn't have to struggle with learning disabilities or hearing issues, and though they both never met a stranger, and would frankly probably feel just as comfortable doing much of what the OP's son does when they were 10, they've both turned out to be terrific adults. An aside note - they were also both very popular in school and adults always liked them as well. One difference though is that they aren't and have never been particularly loud or emotionally immature. They have always just been well rounded, extroverted - VERY extroverted in fact - people.
My other "high maintenance" kid was my one very shy, quiet child. She was also socially awkward, and I really felt sorry for her growing up in such a loud, boisterous family. She is also very imaginative, very artistic, very sensitive - much like her two brothers (her sister is the uber rational, objective, cut and dried, blunt one of the bunch). She would have probably rather have cut her wrists than go talk to a stranger, especially an adult. She would have NEVER sat down with another family at a parade (I can totally see my other kids doing that). But honestly - her introverted, shy personality was just as much of a challenge to deal with - for us and for her - as an extreme extrovert's personality is.
I am very proud of her because now, at age 30, after working successfully for several years and also being a very good wife and now mother - she seems to have a lot more self confidence, and she is also more assertive. But she will be the first to tell you that these are learned behaviors - she wasn't born with them and they don't come naturally to her at all. And if she gets upset, she reverts right back to being very withdrawn, quiet, and uncommunicative. That's as much a challenge as someone with a loud, rambunctious way about them.
All that aside - every single one of my kids turned into happy, productive, balanced adults who are now productive members of society, and have good self esteem and confidence. It wasn't an easy road for a couple of them, but they got there. I say all that to let High Flying Bird know that - BECAUSE SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE SO ATTENTIVE TO THEIR SON'S UNIQUE NEEDS AND PERSONALITY - he is probably going to be JUST FINE.
And by the way, HFB - everyone can be annoying sometimes. Annoying people is something that even the most normal, typical kids can do - and usually DO do occasionally. The more extreme the personality, the more likely they will annoy someone. Unless of course, they are like my introverted daughter - who probably never annoyed a teacher or adult in her entire childhood - but who was so meek, so shy, so unsure of herself that believe me, her personality was just as much of a detriment in some ways as your son's is. The point is, we had to meet her where she was, and work at helping shore up her weak areas and focus on her strong ones.
Any child with a personality that falls on either end of the spectrum is going to have a set of challenges that seem more extreme than more "average" kids - because they ARE more extreme. But I personally believe that every child can flourish with the right attention and lots of love - and it certainly seems as if your son landed with the right set of parents and in the right family, High Flying Bird. You sound like you're doing a terrific job. Keep up the good work and just know - for every adult your son "disturbs" there is probably one out there thinking he's great. Sure it would be wonderful if he never bothered anyone ever, but what a boring world this would be if we didn't have some of those extreme personalities in our midst.
You're sending your 10-year-old all alone to go on rides? A 10-year-old who looks like he's 7 and does not recognize social cues? I can pretty much guarantee he's annoying people in line. You need to be with him in these types of situations, and he's too young to be sent through rides at DisneyWorld. What are you doing while he's going on rides all alone? I would not welcome someone else's kid sitting with my family during the fireworks shows, whether or not they were loud and annoying... When those things end, it's a mad dash out of there and it's dark and so easy to lose a kid. I'd be nervous about where on earth this child's parents were and whether he was lost or would get lost while sitting with me trying to talk my ear off.
HFB, you need to be more attentive to your young kid. He's not 16; he's 10. Go on the rides with him and teach him that he cannot simply barge into other people's groups. If he's seeing a counselor to help him through this, that's great, but you need to be backing up his new skills on your own, and that includes when you're on vacation. I'm not sure if this is something that is happening when you're not on vacation (at restaurants, in shopping centers, at the grocery store), but remember that everyone else at Disney is on vacation, too. They paid a lot of money, just like you did, and most people do not want to have to watch and entertain someone else's child, no matter how adorable and precocious.
Have you been to WDW? no one is sitting as a family for the fire works show. We are all smashed together shoulder to shoulder. Same with parades. There is no "my space your space". I wouldn't think to really talk to the person next to me. My son thinks its a fine idea.
In WDW kids 8+ can ride with out an adult if they meet the height requirement. I went on all the rides with him minus one day when I was sick and couldn't ride.
I am very attentive to my child. I also give him a lot of autonomy because that is what he wants and needs. If I wasn't attentive, I would be smothering him. You have to adjust your parenting for each child. My daughter doesn't leave my side in public, very much needs me at all times in a crowded place. She is a year younger. She won't talk to strangers, talk to characters at WDW, etc. So I adjust my parenting for her.
He does it much less in situations that aren't exciting and new.
I allow him free reign as long as he stays in sight. He is a very independent person and forcing him to always be by my side would be a battle I couldn't win. Its a personality thing. Out of my 4 kids (and several foster kids), he is the only one who is like this. Its been negotiation all along the way with how much autonomy I would grant him.
It wasn't an entire meal. It was snacks or a very light breakfast in a very casual setting.
My daughter and husband don't like thrill rides. One day I was very ill (dehydration) and I couldn't go on any thrill rides either. We opted to let my son go on (8 years old and up can go on alone if they meet the height requirement) while we waited (and I pushed fluids).
You don't have to make excuses for allowing a ten year old, independent child to ride a few rides by himself, HFB, Honestly - I don't get this whole Helicopter Parent mentality. I personally can't stand roller coasters and I let my kids ride them without me at that age - I'd just wait at the exit for them. No telling WHO they struck up conversations with in the long lines! LOL
Sheeze, I've read a lot of strange comments from parents on this forum, and seen a lot of weird behavior in real life as well over the years. You and your family sound like a healthy, happy family and you sound like a great parent. Your son is challenging - well, guess what - MOST kids have a set of challenges that parents have to deal with, and when you throw in a high IQ, and a high energy level, and introverted (and probably alarmed!) parents, you have a few more challenges - but you're doing all the right things to address those challenges from what I can tell.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
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