Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have to ask if you've raised teens? There can be a huge difference between 16 and 18. A 16 year old is still in high school, still having pretty much everything provided by the parents. Many 18 year olds are out of high school, in college, and even if not self-supporting, have a lot better idea of what the world is all about. And 15 to 21? Good grief, that's six years!
Mark Twain: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/784...-my-father-was
" “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” "
As true now as it was then.
Also, even if that were true, the law is the law.
But most 18-year olds still have most of their expenses paid for. Very few 18-year olds pay their college tuition. Most take out loans, but they do not start paying those back until 23.
What specifically can an 18-year old understand that a 16-year old cannot?
I would not use Mark Twain as an example of the average 21-year old.
Kids? She's 24 years older than him...for crying out loud. By the time he graduates college she will be near menopause...
The thing that cracks me up the most is I guarantee the posters who all assume the friendship is centered on sexual actions will be the first ones to complain when women are objectified.
Gee, I wonder where the objectification comes from?
This whole situation could have been avoided if this 40 yr old woman hadn't given her phone number to a 16 yr old kid.
This isn't the case of an older family friend talking to OP's son, she's a online Stranger! What don't you get about that? Not to mention the fact her son should have been asleep, not chatting up a older married woman. Good for the OP for fixing this mess.
When you apply for a job online, you've probably never met the person before and you give your phone number for the interview.
Would you say all prospective employers are also online strangers?
And you give the employers WAY more info about yourself than these two probably exchanged.
Also, how many 16-year olds have a strict 1100 pm bedtime? How many 16-year olds even have a bedtime?
OK, well say they talked for 30 mins and they each forgot to hang up.
Wouldn't that show as 5 hours, but they only talked for 30 minutes.
Also, I've overheard family members mentioning how they talked on the phone for 4.5 hours before, so I'm guessing there isn't something sinister that happens between 4.5 hours and 5 hours.
Your son is sneaking around and deleting texts. He knows it's wrong or at least "off" in some way. Now at his age, he could easily have a physical relationship with this woman and suffer no ill effects. He may be ready for sex and simply found a willing partner.
The issue of course is that she's 40 and is likely trying to manipulate him beyond sex. I'm 30. If I was single, I'd have no problem being a boy-toy for a 40-something lady that wants to have fun. It's not an issue because I'm a grown man and have no illusions about what would be going on. She is capable of finding a 20 or 30-something man that is more than willing to do anything with her (conversation, dates, sex, video games etc.). Perhaps her husband isn't the best and she wants more control over her life. Either way, this needs to be handled soon. I'd probably resort to more clandestine means...perhaps getting law enforcement involved if needed.
The deleting texts isn't a big deal. It isn't only with respect to parents.
A lot of times a guy is also just friends with another girl and they text, but the girlfriend gets jealous and asks to see the guy's phone and if she sees the texts, she nags the guy about it, so to avoid that, he just deletes the texts.
I agree if you are not doing anything wrong, you should not delete them, but teenagers don't see it that way and yet the situation here isn't actually a big deal. So you can't automatically associate deleting texts as something terrible.
Also, if we put the sexual aspect aside, what exactly is she trying to manipulate him into? I'm guessing this 16-year old isn't loaded with his own bank account that he can access on his own.
So what could she really do to him? Everyone keeps saying she can manipulate him, but offer no specifics.
In my experience, when a voicemail box is full, the phone is still "answered" with an automated message saying the mailbox is full. So no, I don't think a phone ringing hundreds of times for 5 hours is a likely possibility.
But as others have said, you do sound oddly defensive of the situation, enough to seem as if you have some personal involvement in it or at least in something similar.
Another possibility is the woman does not have her voicemail setup. I have found this to be an annoying obstacle when trying to find out if a restaurant is open or not. I let it ring 20 times and I never get a voicemail or recording so I just hang up.
But if you don't hang up, it is certainly possible for it to go on for hours, especially if he is using a landline that won't eventually run out of battery.
I have no personal involvement with the story, but am really irritated at how you see one post saying one thing and then dozens of posters all agree that the post obviously means something else entirely.
That makes no sense and is clearly indicative of why the news out there these days is so full of baloney. These people are all part of the problem.
EXACTLY! At 16 they are not mature enough anyway. And I will make the rules for my children while they are living under my roof! Any parent who lets a 16 yr old do what ever they want are not parenting!
A 16-year old isn't old enough to pick his own friends?
Why don't you just give him assigned friends while you're at it?
You can make whatever rules you want, but if you cannot enforce them, there's no point.
If this 16-year old still wants to talk to her, he can always borrow his friend's cell for the night to call her or simply unblock the number from his own phone and then block it again when he hangs up.
Sure. Here are a few examples:
Vote
Have an unrestricted driver's license in most states
Buy cigarettes
Make legal contracts
Give permission for medical procedures
All trivial, I agree! /s
None of those things have anything to do with being friends.
What aspects of a 16-year old's personality make them unable to pick their own friends that an 18-year old's personality allows them to pick their own friends?
Well done, OP; now is the time to focus on further encouraging your trust in your son and helping him learn the proper ways to build friendship and emotional intimacy with someone. It sounds like he is open enough with you to TELL you all these feelings he is having. That is a good sign.
It's easy for many sensitive and introverted people to develop intense bonds through writing with others. It removes a lot of the social obstacles and lets them just communicate. He is mistaking that for an actual connection.
Maybe seek professional help for HIM to develop his self-worth and feel more comfortable communicating with folks in real life and closer to his own age and life stage. Don't make this so much about punishment as about open communication and further personal development.
How is talking online not a proper way to build friendship with someone?
Why are you assuming he was intimate with this woman? The first poster never said that. Other posters said that and then somehow that became fact.
And why can't you be friends with people in different ages and different life stages? That would probably help teenagers to not be so stubborn in taking advice if all their friends didn't think exactly the same way they do!
Yes now you have to monitor everything like a hawk...cut the landline yourself if you have to...unfortunately there are many ways your son can still be in contact that you can't monitor(friends phones,public library computers,pay phones). That's why I still think you should fire off a letter from an attorney(not threatening) thanking her for her "continued" cooperation but setting forth what your actions will be if her "improper" interest in your son resumes.
I wouldn't do that.
If I were that woman and I had already agreed to not talk anymore, getting a letter from an attorney would motivate me to talk to him more just to prove that it was not improper in the first place.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
