Parents of Adult Children: do you pay for meals? (married, student, college)

[AnotherTouchOfWhimsy]

My parents and my inlaws both pay when we go out for dinner. We live in Florida, my parents are in New England, and my inlaws live on the west coast, so we only get together once every year or two. We stay with my inlaws when we're there, so generally I'll buy food and cook one or two nights, they'll cook a couple nights, and they'll take us out once or twice. When we see my parents, it's just one event/thing, and they pay for it. They don't come to visit us at all, so it's just the one lunch or dinner out every year or two.

When my kids are adults, we will pay when we go out to eat. It wouldn't really occur to me to ask them to pay for their meal at a restaurant. I'm not sure why... probably because our parents pay for us, still, and we are 40. I should add that both my parents and his parents are well off; no one is struggling financially.

[LaBuenaVida]

Mostly I pay but my son and DIL do pay sometimes. I am appreciative when they do - and it makes them feel good to be able to reciprocate so I don't argue. When I take my mother and grandmother out, I always pay. They have modest incomes and I would never expect them to pay.

[goldenlove]

We pay 99.9% of the time for our son. We can afford it and enjoy treating him. My dad pays 75% of the time for us, but we also cook and deliver dinner to him several times a month.

[emm74]

Originally Posted by goldenlove

We pay 99.9% of the time for our son. We can afford it and enjoy treating him. My dad pays 75% of the time for us, but we also cook and deliver dinner to him several times a month.

I don't generally deliver it, but yeah, we've gotten into a habit of my mom coming over for dinner every week or so, and then she leaves with leftovers for another meal. We don't go out to eat together anywhere near as often as I've been cooking lately!

[steiconi]

My dad always paid, and was shocked (and a little thrilled, I think) when we grabbed the check first.

After dad died, mom always tried to get me to pay, even when she was "hosting"; sometimes she'd say she only had an American Express card, and the restaurant didn't take that; other times she'd claim it was my turn, even though she invited me out to say thank you for putting her up for the night. She didn't do this with my siblings, always paid the check with them. sigh. thanks, mom.

[jencam]

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

My grandfather would have rather you shot him in the face than pay for your own meal.

My Dad too.

[Cyclist1968]

Originally Posted by cyberous

A very successful friend of mine is married with child (40's). Her father lives a more modest life but always pays for the family’s meals. I have other friends who are in their mid-30s who also let the parents pay for meals (his and her parents.)

I’m shocked at this behavior. My father is retired in his 70’s and has done ok, above average but not early retirement or anything. He comes to visit twice a year for a week at a time. When he does he pays for nothing (including meals.) I cant remember how long I've footed the bill for my parents but its been a long time, probably since my mid 20's

I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and never looked back. My friends mentioned above were both sent away to college (Parents paid for everything.) Is that the difference?

How does it work with your family?

It's almost always the reverse if anything. I've not heard of adult kids paying for their parents, continually except in a few circumstances which makes sense.
I don't see any difference regarding whatever age you moved out. Parents are on this earth to support their children until they are able to fly the coop. And often, that ritual continues more than not to some degree. Parents who accept their kids payments, well that is fine sometimes or if the kids are extremely well off maybe. Or at times it is ok to do so. But it isn't the norm

[don1945]

When my two sons and I go out for dinner, we always request separate checks, because we cause a scene, each of us fighting to pay the check. It is just so much easier that way, and no arguments over who is paying. Only time we don't is on one of our birthdays, and then the birthday boy gets a free meal.

[kapikap]

we just wont let our parents pay for anything, and we wash the dishes for them when we come over to eat. If they insist on paying for something, I would tell my dad if he must, pay 20 0/0 on the tip. I make sure he does not over do it.

I even feel a way about accepting cash gifts as an adult. there is always an envelope for me on Christmas, but I just give it to my mom, for her lottery fix, just between us. I am even offered gas money when I offer a ride, and have to fight with them to put it away. They have gotten over on me a few times, by putting money in my kids pants, for ice cream and sweets. But $50 , really?

oh dear parents, just give me a card for Christmas, and write in a nice message for me to enjoy. Let me pay you back, for all the years you covered the expenses. Dont feel bad that you dont have to spend a dollar, when you rolling with me.

My mom is more with the program, than is my Dad. He just cant put his mind around going to the Casino with mom, and we giving her a few hundred to play with on the slots or keno.

[NCN]

Originally Posted by cyberous

A very successful friend of mine is married with child (40's). Her father lives a more modest life but always pays for the family’s meals. I have other friends who are in their mid-30s who also let the parents pay for meals (his and her parents.)

I’m shocked at this behavior. My father is retired in his 70’s and has done ok, above average but not early retirement or anything. He comes to visit twice a year for a week at a time. When he does he pays for nothing (including meals.) I cant remember how long I've footed the bill for my parents but its been a long time, probably since my mid 20's

I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and never looked back. My friends mentioned above were both sent away to college (Parents paid for everything.) Is that the difference?

How does it work with your family?

We each fight for the right to pay. In November we paid for food with our last Christmas present from our daughter on our last vacation. We can will afford to pay and try to but sometimes don't accomplish it. Her daughter just finished college and is going to graduate school. Our children work hard and it is a privilege to try and help out. Life for families can be very expensive.