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Oof, this is tough, missdallasamy. I concur with ClaraC regarding keeping open that credit card that she's sometimes using. That way you can keep a subtle eye on what she's doing, and you can give her access to money if and when you want to by paying it down a little if you feel it's appropriate. That said, since she's been stealing your account info, I think you should consider creating a fraud alert with the credit bureaus. That way she can't take out additional credit accounts in your name, which seems like a possibility considering her actions so far.
In retrospect, were there signs that she was seeking out more independence while she was still at home?
This is most likely. The money scheme was orchestrated by the guy. She gives him the cash. He has not done anything illegal--she is the perpetrator and the victim. Perfect crime. He remains in the shadows.
Cancel the cards. keep the cards open. The answer is that it is all up to what you can afford.
If you are not sure what you are willing to do, go to your bank or who ever issued the cards and see if you can create a limit on what is spent on the cards in a month. If you can afford to lose $500 a month then set that as the limit.
If you can not afford to lose any money during the month then you will need to cut the cards.
One thing about being out in the big bad world without any money is that she might come back home.
Either way at some point you are going to need to realize that your little girl is making adult choices and you may need to let her go. She has already stolen money from you.
I agree that she most likely met a guy online. I hope it's a legitimate romance and not something more sinister. Keep the cards open but limit how much she can charge or withdraw so that she can buy a bus ticket home if needed. And keep her phone bill paid so she can call you.
So sorry this has happened and hoping for the best possible outcome.
Thank you for ALL of these replies.
YOu are all correct, it is a sad situation. She is going through 'SOMETHING', what, I do not know.
I last talked to her on 4/27, while she was at the airport. BUt her information seems to change all the time. First it was VA she was traveling to, then I found out it was really MASS< but she says its really VT. She replied to rooms to rent near Mass colleges. She said she signed a lease, but I doubt that.
I have received daily texts, but only replies to my texts, and no more than 3 words each and very generic. I ASSUME it is her texting me back. It's so generic, it could anyone.
Before she left she opened up 3 bank accounts (probably from my stolen funds) One of her debit cards arrived just YESTERDAY, 3 days after left.
I do not know what city she is really in, she hasn't told me and I am afraid if I ask, she will clam up.
I suppose she could have a guy/man online, but has never dated anyone or even discussed it. (Social anxiety)
I have a good friend who has worked with teens at risk, in a school setting, and she is very concerned as well. She told that mental illness, often starts when young adults start their independent lives. I guess its all the changes, not having parents aroung. She strongly suggest getting her home, SOMEHOW, and have her treated for her theft, constant lying, etc.
Right now, my hands are tied. I have to wait for her to reach out deeper to me. I do have access to her email. She had saved her password, so I can see any emails she receives, sends, or deletes.
I am just so scared for her. Afraid of who she is with and what they have done to her. (sex, drugs)
Have you actually spoken to her since she has been gone or just texts? Also, how does she withdraw money with just a debit card number and not the actual card itself?
SHe wrote my debit card numbers, front and back, to one of her emails. She has like 4. Then she charged items, went to the mail box to collect, then sold them.
I know WEll Fargo has a system, that if you don't have the card, you can still go to an ATM. I haven't used that system, but maybe she HAS.
Can you track her through her cell phone? I'm assuming it's on a shared family account seeing as she has no money.
Something weird is going on with her. But if she wants to be an adult, then maybe this is the sink or swim moment she's been seeking for. Cut off the money.
NEW info on my daughter---
I took her for 6 weeks to the mall, for what I thought was her job. She doesn't drive so, I dropped her off and picked her up.
I now found out her 'manager' (female, so she claims) never worked there and either did she. I suppose it was just a meeting place of her and her online friend.
Can you track her through her cell phone? I'm assuming it's on a shared family account seeing as she has no money.
Something weird is going on with her. But if she wants to be an adult, then maybe this is the sink or swim moment she's been seeking for. Cut off the money.
i can't trace her phone. It's a throw away phone from the government.
She HAD an iphone on my plan, but I took it away, canceled service, due to her behavior. Wish I had not done that, now.
i can't trace her phone. It's a throw away phone from the government.
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