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Old 04-11-2019, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,328 posts, read 3,499,295 times
Reputation: 10269

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I think that sometimes parents don't want to "parent" other people's teenagers, but if their own parents aren't there, then they sometimes need assistance in acting properly. Think about if your son was with another family and ordered a large ice cream when everyone else ordered a small one. You would probably be somewhat embarrassed and would talk to your son about proper etiquette. When someone else is paying, you order something that is similar in price to what they are ordering.

If it was a one-time thing or you were going out for a special occasion, then of course you don't say anything to the girlfriend. But if she's a regular guest, then she has achieved the status of "we don't need to treat you as politely as we'd treat a guest." It means that you have no qualms about saying, "everyone can get a small ice cream," or "we are going to share one large popcorn," and leaving it at that.

My daughter loves comic-con type events and my husband will usually take her and one friend every year. We pay for the tickets and he will buy lunch for the girls when they are there. They leave early, so we have breakfast items at the house. I have said to both girls, "We are not going to be buying breakfast out, so be sure to eat something before you go or take a granola bar or fruit or something with you." That way there would be no awkwardness of having a hungry kid at 9:00 in the morning. Another example is that we live in Florida and some years we have an annual pass to Walt Disney World. We also have friends who might have the pass, and if we do, we will sometimes offer to take their kids with us if we go for a day or a weekend. We pay for the hotel but we will usually tell them up front, we're going to go here for dinner the first night and we will pay for it plus the hotel has a free breakfast, but you'll need to bring money for lunch both days and dinner the second day. Or whatever it is. (In this case, if the family has an annual pass, we would assume that there would be no financial problem covering their own lunches; if it were a friend who came from a family who was less well-off, we'd pay for whatever expenses came up.)
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Old 04-12-2019, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,591 posts, read 19,601,877 times
Reputation: 12708
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
My stepson is 15 and he has his first girlfriend. It's great and he is very sweet to her and they seem like they both like each other a lot.


Lately he has been asking her to come on our family outings. I don't particularly mind, but every time she comes with us, we have to pay for her. My husband and I don't make a lot of money. Her parents never send her out with any money so that ultimately falls on us. Conversely, whenever our stepson goes out with her family, we send him with money, b/c we feel that is the right thing to do.


Not sure if we should say something or just let it go?
If this is a financial burden on your family, setting boundary is necessary. If you can afford it, then you should just let it go.
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Old 04-12-2019, 09:26 PM
 
Location: 60630
12,141 posts, read 17,720,495 times
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You invite...you pay.
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Old 04-14-2019, 10:25 PM
 
8,880 posts, read 7,887,282 times
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Question: When your husband took you out on dates, did he make you pay half?

Question: When you were a teen age girl, did your dates expect you to pay?

If you are a typical woman your answers would be no.

The man, or boy in this case, it ls a date, and the boy or his parents pay. That is how society works.

You think he is a financial drain now, as he gets older, it will get worse.
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Old 04-15-2019, 11:43 AM
 
1,937 posts, read 3,248,065 times
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Maybe stick to doing things around your house when she comes around. Instead of going out to dinner, maybe cook something at home. Or allow the kids to have a get-together at the house watching movies and eating popcorn.

Since the weather is getting nicer, maybe have a BBQ and then your son could invite her over. Or do some free things in the park.

That's all I got.
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Old 04-15-2019, 02:56 PM
 
8,907 posts, read 13,071,421 times
Reputation: 4871
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldtrader View Post
Question: When your husband took you out on dates, did he make you pay half?

Question: When you were a teen age girl, did your dates expect you to pay?

If you are a typical woman your answers would be no.

The man, or boy in this case, it ls a date, and the boy or his parents pay. That is how society works.

You think he is a financial drain now, as he gets older, it will get worse.
Actually I never let men pay for me .. considering too up until now, I dated men whose salaries were half mine.


My husband and I have always split … or he would pay one time, and then I would pay the next time. That's the fairest way and also I am not a golddigger


We shouldn't teach girls that it is the man/boy's responsibility to pay b/c it's 2019, women work now, women are OUTEARNING men in many industries and it's a sign of respect and extremely powerful when woman makes her own $$ and takes care of the bill or offers to pay half.


(and this is coming from a woman)


b/c when women expect men to pay all the time, that attitude leads to many women feeling entitled and becoming materialistic or high-maintenance
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Old 04-15-2019, 02:58 PM
 
8,907 posts, read 13,071,421 times
Reputation: 4871
Quote:
Originally Posted by nj21 View Post
Maybe stick to doing things around your house when she comes around. Instead of going out to dinner, maybe cook something at home. Or allow the kids to have a get-together at the house watching movies and eating popcorn.

Since the weather is getting nicer, maybe have a BBQ and then your son could invite her over. Or do some free things in the park.

That's all I got.
Her parents will not go for a movie @ our house. Perhaps the park. They don't want her in a bedroom with him, even if we are home (and I understand that).
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,746 posts, read 16,889,410 times
Reputation: 40278
Quote:
Originally Posted by nj21 View Post
Maybe stick to doing things around your house when she comes around. Instead of going out to dinner, maybe cook something at home. Or allow the kids to have a get-together at the house watching movies and eating popcorn.

Since the weather is getting nicer, maybe have a BBQ and then your son could invite her over. Or do some free things in the park.

That's all I got.
Those are great ideas but the GF's parents will not allow her to come over to the BF's house to do things with the family. The GF is allowed to go the movies/restaurants/etc. with the OP's step-son and his parents.
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Old 04-15-2019, 03:03 PM
 
8,907 posts, read 13,071,421 times
Reputation: 4871
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Those are great ideas but the GF's parents will not allow her to come over to the BF's house to do things with the family. The GF is allowed to go the movies/restaurants/etc. with the OP's step-son and his parents.
They don't want her in a situation like where they could be making out or something movies lead to arms around eachother, which leads to more I get it and the parents are justified on that.
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Old 04-15-2019, 08:56 PM
 
Location: here
24,814 posts, read 29,687,648 times
Reputation: 32220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Her parents will not go for a movie @ our house. Perhaps the park. They don't want her in a bedroom with him, even if we are home (and I understand that).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
They don't want her in a situation like where they could be making out or something movies lead to arms around eachother, which leads to more I get it and the parents are justified on that.
Can't you all watch a movie in the living room? Being at your house doesn't necessarily mean being alone in a bedroom.
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