U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-12-2009, 12:37 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,463,911 times
Reputation: 4430

Advertisements

That sounds like something my 6 yr old son would say. However, my approach would be to find out what I was doing that is annoying instead of getting angry. Even at 6 they have the right to be upset over the way they are treated. I'd much rather he tell me I am annoying than to clam up tight and go off in a huff or get physical because he doesn't have the verbal skills to communicate effectively. By telling you that you are annoying him he's actually doing what he's been taught...to use his words.

At 6 they've not yet learned to fully filter what comes out of their mouth, so it's a perfect teachable moment. After closely listening to him tell you how he feels and why, let him know that telling you that you are annoying is not acceptable to you. Then give him the words you want him to use in the future when he's feeling that way. Perhaps something like, "Dad, could you please stop doing that?"

Of course, since you are waiting until after school to decide whether to discuss it or not, then he's probably forgotten all about it by now. :-)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-12-2009, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,523,609 times
Reputation: 35864
Maybe what you told him was something you had already impressed upon him before, and he found you repetitious. Maybe it was such an obvious truth that even a 6-year-old sees it as self evident. Maybe what was annoying to him was not that you said it, but that you felt that you had to say it, which might have insulted his own personal sense of being able to discern already how to make wise choices. Maybe he was all wound up and on a ready-for-school trajectory, planning his show-and-tell or looking forward to the red-haired-girl, and you were slowing him down.

Liken it to Mom saying "Did you brush your teeth?" Expect rolled eyes from the kid who, of course, (almost) always remembers to brush his teeth. Overparenting is annoying. You're lucky to have a kid who is honest enough to tell you. When ylu drove away, I bet you said "That kid is so annoying".

Last edited by jtur88; 05-12-2009 at 01:21 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 01:07 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
I disagree with everyone who advocated harsh punishment and advises you to nip it in the bud, or else.

If you were teasing him and not trying to teach him or discipline him, maybe you were being annoying. You can discuss what the word means with him, explain that when he called you "annoying" that it sounded rude and hurt your feelings and help him find a better way to ask you to stop. And ask yourself if what you were doing was annoying or not.

I won't let my 10-year-old daughter be rude to me but I let her express anger and displeasure in a respectful manner. The reason for this is that I never want her to feel that just because someone is older or stronger than she is, or holds a position of authority over her, they can do and say whatever they want to her. I see this as training for life and any encounter she may have with bullies, abusive partners, harassing bosses, etc.

If she tells me that she things I'm being unfair, I consider what she's saying and if I think she's right, I modify what I'm doing. If I think I'm right, I stick with it. If you're secure in your parenting, there's no need to strike back with harsh words or a belt when your authority is challenged. Just calmly enforce it.

I'm not saying your son isn't a challenge--he very well may be. But just stay calm, keep teaching him how you want him to behave and take it a day at a time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 01:49 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,239,863 times
Reputation: 3177
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoosier View Post
We've been having quite a few discipline sessions with our six year old son. Today when I was dropping him off at kindergarten we were talking and I was commenting about something and he said, "dad, you're annoying." I was shocked! I told him that was very rude of him to say. His reply? "Well you are annoying me".

That is only the latest in his repetoire of behavior problems. My wife and I are at a complete loss as our oldest daughter was never like this. We don't know how to deal with this behavior problem. We've been working diligently to nip this in the bud now but it doesn't seem to be working. Some people have said this is completely normal for a kid, but even if it's normal, it's still inappropriate behavior.

Any suggestions on how to handle his behavior? Outlets? I'm just unsure.

signed,
annoying dad
Mine are still little, but I am part of a group of moms & last week, a few were at their wits end with their kindergarteners, specifically (it revolved around making MDay cards for grandma's with the response of "What, do you think I am stupid?"...that sort of talk). And a friend just had her child turn 8 & I said "What a fun age." Her response: "You should hear his mouth these days".

I haven't read all the responses...but while it is something that comes with the age, it is not appropriate.

Unfortunately, it is being picked up at school.

I told my mom (who, at the age of 71, still annoys me at times ) that why do we even send our kids to school if they return home with garbage mouths & attitudes? It was a family dinner & others chimed in...

Long story short...school is reality & this is the first step of many challenges coming your way (& mine shortly).

You just keep reinforncing & reinforcing & reinforcing what langauge & attitudes are acceptable in your family.

I don't think there is an easy answer.

This has to be taken care of at home. Consistency & reinforcement mixed with discipline, love & security. Not easy at all. But the payoffs will be well worth it.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,653,749 times
Reputation: 1693
Children should not be rude and I think the child was rude. I would punish the child and I believe in smacking and I think smacking is an appropriate punishment for rudeness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 02:24 PM
 
1,178 posts, read 2,425,837 times
Reputation: 778
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I disagree with everyone who advocated harsh punishment and advises you to nip it in the bud, or else.

If you were teasing him and not trying to teach him or discipline him, maybe you were being annoying. You can discuss what the word means with him, explain that when he called you "annoying" that it sounded rude and hurt your feelings and help him find a better way to ask you to stop. And ask yourself if what you were doing was annoying or not.

I won't let my 10-year-old daughter be rude to me but I let her express anger and displeasure in a respectful manner. The reason for this is that I never want her to feel that just because someone is older or stronger than she is, or holds a position of authority over her, they can do and say whatever they want to her. I see this as training for life and any encounter she may have with bullies, abusive partners, harassing bosses, etc.

If she tells me that she things I'm being unfair, I consider what she's saying and if I think she's right, I modify what I'm doing. If I think I'm right, I stick with it. If you're secure in your parenting, there's no need to strike back with harsh words or a belt when your authority is challenged. Just calmly enforce it.

I'm not saying your son isn't a challenge--he very well may be. But just stay calm, keep teaching him how you want him to behave and take it a day at a time.

riddle me this, do you have a problem with this statement here:

Be quiet dad, you are starting to annoy me

Since when does a 6 year old have the right to be annoyed by a parent? I imagine my kids are annoyed that we have to eat hamburger helper every night instead of steak, do they deserve a right to voice their displeasure or annoyance at that fact? Or how about that they have to do their homework or cut the grass, and myself or mom have to remind them over and over?

My bottom line is, so much can be avoided in the future by checking it right away. Before a "be quiet", or "shut up" or worse is attached to the whole kid annoyed with parent thing. And for the record, there are people on this earth who will say whatever they want to your child, and if she has any sense she will not voice her annoyance at that time. (For example a Judge, Police Officer, Thug, etc)

No child nor parent is perfect, and nobody knows it all, however some things I refuse to allow my child (ren) to say out of their mouth to an adult.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 03:14 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
Quote:
Originally Posted by cool rob View Post
riddle me this, do you have a problem with this statement here:

Be quiet dad, you are starting to annoy me

Since when does a 6 year old have the right to be annoyed by a parent? I imagine my kids are annoyed that we have to eat hamburger helper every night instead of steak, do they deserve a right to voice their displeasure or annoyance at that fact? Or how about that they have to do their homework or cut the grass, and myself or mom have to remind them over and over?

My bottom line is, so much can be avoided in the future by checking it right away. Before a "be quiet", or "shut up" or worse is attached to the whole kid annoyed with parent thing. And for the record, there are people on this earth who will say whatever they want to your child, and if she has any sense she will not voice her annoyance at that time. (For example a Judge, Police Officer, Thug, etc)

No child nor parent is perfect, and nobody knows it all, however some things I refuse to allow my child (ren) to say out of their mouth to an adult.
If I were talking to her seriously about something and she said that, I'd stop, make sure she knows what the word means, and tell her I did not want her to talk to me that way. If we were playing and I was going too far with teasing, or trying to be funny, and she'd had enough, I'd stop what I was doing, but still explain that those were rude words and I didn't want her to talk to me that way.

Being annoyed is not a right. It's just something that happens. Being honest and letting someone know that their behavior is annoying is not a bad thing, but a child needs to learn how to speak appropriately to a parent.

I tell my daughter all the time that she can say whatever she wants to me, or a teacher, as long as she says it in her head. She understands what I mean. For the most part, she is very respectful and when she's not, I tell her to stop, and if it persists, I send her to her room.

I don't understand the knee-jerk reaction to punish kids at every turn. We're supposed to teach them and some of the lessons are hard and take time to learn. We don't hit kids when they don't learn algebra at the first try. We go over the lessons with them and let them practice. When they make mistakes we correct them.

Kids do get annoyed, and feel angry and like they're being treated unfairly. I'd much rather my daughter know that she can tell me, respectfully, when she's angry at me rather than feel like she has to go out and show me her anger by breaking rules when she gets older.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 03:16 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
Children should not be rude and I think the child was rude. I would punish the child and I believe in smacking and I think smacking is an appropriate punishment for rudeness.
Smacking a kid for being rude is .... rude.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 04:03 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,463,911 times
Reputation: 4430
Quote:
Originally Posted by cool rob View Post

Since when does a 6 year old have the right to be annoyed by a parent? I imagine my kids are annoyed that we have to eat hamburger helper every night instead of steak, do they deserve a right to voice their displeasure or annoyance at that fact? Or how about that they have to do their homework or cut the grass, and myself or mom have to remind them over and over?
.
This was not addressed to me, however I just have to reply that of course a child has the same right to feel annoyed as any adult does. All humans have the right to their feelings.

For young children, it's how they communicate those feelings that need to be taught.

As I stated in my previous post, this is a perfect teachable moment. You take the time as a parent to teach them they have every right to feel how they feel and at the same time you teach them how to communicate those feelings to you in an acceptable manner.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2009, 04:48 PM
 
2,005 posts, read 5,121,815 times
Reputation: 1447
Some of these responses are crazy and I question if those posters even have kids. To suggest that a child has no right to his feelings is just stupid IMO and all it teaches kids is to bottle up feelings, become aggressive, have low self esteem etc. And to smack a child for a comment like that is also stupid. Are kids not allowed to be kids at all? My mom smacked me around when I said stupid things and it taught me nothing. I was a rude little person. My mom or dad never taught me appropriate behavior, like it was supposed to just happen. Kids need to be taught, and they need to be respected and validated as well. I'm a pretty strict mom and I have high standards for behavior, but there are gentle and smart ways to teach kids. Hitting and giving them more chores and being sarcastic doesn't work. I wouldn't like it if someone treated me that way, why should I treat my kid that way, just because I can? Because I'm bigger than him? Lead by example, be compassionate when you parent, be smart, don't give in to your impulses to smack or degrade. Yes, parenting is a high impact sport. It is the hardest job anyone will ever do, but it's worth the pain. Those who so easily smack kids around should think about that child 15 years from now and how it might affect them. Society is violent enough, why teach kids that you solve problems and frustrations with violence? That's just stupid.... thanks for letting me rant.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top