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I'm the OP and I see that many don't read what I have said and it is NOT me who thinks my mother is selfish. I also am not "punishing" my mother or trying to manipulate her. I know that she is not going to quit. And since I understand that there WILL be some years to come of her smoking I am taking the steps now to protect my daughter more than I was in the first place. She understands. She does not see it the way that some of you do.
I'm the OP and I see that many don't read what I have said and it is NOT me who thinks my mother is selfish. I also am not "punishing" my mother or trying to manipulate her. I know that she is not going to quit. And since I understand that there WILL be some years to come of her smoking I am taking the steps now to protect my daughter more than I was in the first place. She understands. She does not see it the way that some of you do.
Thank you.
Your original OP could lead into different interpretations. We red, however, take a closer look at what you wrote:
I was talking to my sister (who smokes) about my mother and father who smoke. I had told her that I was concerned about my mother since she hasn't been for a checkup in over 21 years! She's been coughing much more and a few other things. I mentioned that it makes me sad that she smokes so much and that she probably won't be around to see my children grow up. My sister then said "yea, sounds pretty selfish. If I had kids I'd quit. Mom should defintitely quit."
So we approached my mother with the idea that my siblings try WITH my parents. We told her how much we want her around and especially my little girl who adores her already!
Her response was that she's going to die anyway, why not die happy. She also said that it's too late and she's too addicted. She said that her not quitting has nothing to do with being selfish.
What do you think? Is it selfish to smoke when you have children/grandchildren? Would you quit for your children/grandchildren? How would you approach your parents?
You quoted your sister it is true. However, you joined your were part in the tactic in using the guilt trip on your mother. You ended with the question whether it was selfish to keep smoking when you have children/graqndchildren. To me that infers you think she is selfish and want to know our opinions.
Maybe that is not what you meant but that is what at least I interpreted our writing.
You have a great day.
El Amigo
Your original OP could lead into different interpretations. We red, however, take a closer look at what you wrote:
I was talking to my sister (who smokes) about my mother and father who smoke. I had told her that I was concerned about my mother since she hasn't been for a checkup in over 21 years! She's been coughing much more and a few other things. I mentioned that it makes me sad that she smokes so much and that she probably won't be around to see my children grow up. My sister then said "yea, sounds pretty selfish. If I had kids I'd quit. Mom should defintitely quit."
So we approached my mother with the idea that my siblings try WITH my parents. We told her how much we want her around and especially my little girl who adores her already!
Her response was that she's going to die anyway, why not die happy. She also said that it's too late and she's too addicted. She said that her not quitting has nothing to do with being selfish.
What do you think? Is it selfish to smoke when you have children/grandchildren? Would you quit for your children/grandchildren? How would you approach your parents?
You quoted your sister it is true. However, you joined your were part in the tactic in using the guilt trip on your mother. You ended with the question whether it was selfish to keep smoking when you have children/graqndchildren. To me that infers you think she is selfish and want to know our opinions.
Maybe that is not what you meant but that is what at least I interpreted our writing.
You have a great day.
El Amigo
Even written in red is not what I meant. Sorry. It's insane that anyone is trying to take my going to my mother with concern into a guilt trip???
Just proves once again that this forum is full of people wanting to argue and start fights. I don't fall for it anymore
And for the record, I want my mother to quit. With what is known about cigarettes and the way that she complains and does't feel well and the way I see her enjoying life so damn much makes me sad for HER AND FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.
AND if my own mother doesn't view what we said or what my sister is doing as a guilt trip or manipulation and she completely understands (she's still not ready to quit however) then why is everyone so head strong about that idea? It isn't a fact so move on.
I wanted to know if YOU all thought it was selfish. NOT if I was putting her on a guilt trip or whatever. DO YOU THINK IT IS SELFISH FOR PARENTS TO SMOKE??? Yes? ok. No? ok. I'm a mean horrible daughter who is putting her mother on a guilt trip for limiting MY and MY daughter's second hand smoke inhilation or expressing my great concern for my mother's wonderful life?? Get lost thank you
Seriously? You're not new here... you should've seen this coming.
That said, your post DOES come off like you were upset your first guilt trip with your mom didn't work and you wanted a thread where you could be told how righteous you are for limiting your children's exposure to the EVILS of SECOND HAND SMOKE
Seriously? You're not new here... you should've seen this coming.
That said, your post DOES come off like you were upset your first guilt trip with your mom didn't work and you wanted a thread where you could be told how righteous you are for limiting your children's exposure to the EVILS of SECOND HAND SMOKE
Nope. You are proving my point more and more with each post. I DON'T think it is selfish to smoke!
And if that were the case then every single person on here for starting a thread wants to be validated!
And by the way, any parent would try to limit their exposure to cigarette smoke. That doesn't make them "righteous" that makes them normal.
I'd appreciate if you didn't try to start a "fight" yet once again on this thread.
Do you think it is selfish or not? Why or why not? What would you tell my sister without being rude and inconciderate of HER feelings as well?
My mother said to me last night "I'm thinking about wanting to quit, that's a start right? I don't want my family hurt over this." She also said that she will make an effort NEXT summer. In the meantime she has made a deal with my sister to not smoke in the house.
Do you think it is selfish or not? Why or why not? What would you tell my sister without being rude and inconciderate of HER feelings as well?
Okay, now I'll address your actual questions...
Yes, it's selfish. The cost and the fact that it's more likely the kids will grow up to smoke... I'd just be honest with your sister, as I am with my kids.
I smoke. I'm trying to be a quitter, but not very good at it ... I try to quit every few months. I always end up going back. My kids are always asking questions. I've taught them that it's unhealthy, but that I am struggling to quit - they sometimes harass me with it. Someday I'll succeed. My dh smokes too. It seems we're never ready to quit at the same time.
We never smoke indoors or in the cars. I can usually go longer than he can, but I get REALLY, REALLY witchy if I don't at least wear a patch on our long road trips. Unhealthier still... I rip off that sucker about 1/2 hour before we reach our destination so I can smoke as soon as we get to our destination.
That said, I believe that much of the second hand smoke stuff is propaganda. My dh once got out of the mandatory military smoking cessation class for pointing out that their math didn't add up. I got transferred to a civilian doctor (which was AWESOME!) by pointing out the ridiculous claims of the nurse (for instance, she made some statement about every cigarette smoked during pregnancy would take 1/2 oz off the baby's birthweight.... stupid. And then made comments about how the SMOKE gets into the baby's lungs in the womb... ummm... you mean BEFORE the baby even BREATHES?!) Everytime I see one of those truth. com ads, I want to light up for spite.
Even written in red is not what I meant. Sorry. It's insane that anyone is trying to take my going to my mother with concern into a guilt trip???
Just proves once again that this forum is full of people wanting to argue and start fights. I don't fall for it anymore
And for the record, I want my mother to quit. With what is known about cigarettes and the way that she complains and does't feel well and the way I see her enjoying life so damn much makes me sad for HER AND FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.
AND if my own mother doesn't view what we said or what my sister is doing as a guilt trip or manipulation and she completely understands (she's still not ready to quit however) then why is everyone so head strong about that idea? It isn't a fact so move on.
I wanted to know if YOU all thought it was selfish. NOT if I was putting her on a guilt trip or whatever. DO YOU THINK IT IS SELFISH FOR PARENTS TO SMOKE??? Yes? ok. No? ok. I'm a mean horrible daughter who is putting her mother on a guilt trip for limiting MY and MY daughter's second hand smoke inhilation or expressing my great concern for my mother's wonderful life?? Get lost thank you
The red part was to separate your writing from mine, no more no less and of course I included some cursive to highlight a point.
As far as your daughter inhaling second hand smoke, good you are concerned. However, does your mother force you to have your daughter next to her for her to inhale? If not, then you are the problem because you allow her to be next to her.
As far as the reply, I just replied to your defensive message. I did not realize you take things so personal. Now I know.
I am hearing impaired. I've had three different ENT doctors in three different states inform me that secondhand smoke is one of the factors that lead to my inner ear not developing properly.
You aren't just breathing in the secondhand smoke (which then mixes all the toxic chemicals with your blood via your lungs and circulates it all throughout your body), but you're also absorbing it in through your skin - the largest organ in your body. It's nasty, toxic, stuff.
Why cigarettes are legal and pot is illegal I have no idea. They should switch it around... they'd still make a ton of money and it would keep the heavily armed gangs of violent illegals from turning our national parks into pot farms.
Why cigarettes are legal and pot is illegal I have no idea. They should switch it around... they'd still make a ton of money and it would keep the heavily armed gangs of violent illegals from turning our national parks into pot farms.
Do you think the gangs would start turning our national parks into tobacco farms instead?
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