U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-08-2008, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
Reputation: 1382

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morrida View Post
Hello,
I am new to this site but happened upon it when I was looking for an answer to this quesiton; Do Motherless Daughters have a harder time developing friendships with adult women? My mom passed away when I was 10 years old and my dad when I was 24. I am now 34, married with a young son. We just moved closer to my husbands family and I was reading an article about mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships in which a psychologist said that motherless daughters have a harder time developing relationships with other adult females (ie: mother-in-laws, friends, neighbors). Do others out there find this to be true? Thanks!
That is very interesting.I lost my mother at 11.I have always thought I was a very independent person who did not need alot of friends.I really have no interest in developing new relationships with women I meet [neighbors,my kids friend's moms,etc] I have only a couple women that I count as close friends.I get along with my mother-in-law,but we are not really close.I have never heard of that connection before of being a motherless daughter and having difficulties developing relationships.It may be true.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-08-2008, 03:40 PM
 
Location: NJ
9,173 posts, read 20,201,974 times
Reputation: 6215
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2KidsforMe View Post
Hi everyone. I lost my parents at a very young age (10), and I now have 2 young children. Somedays I find it really hard not to have a mom in my life. Like those days when your toddler won't listen to a word you are saying, or the baby won';t stop crying and you don't know why. The wisdom and support of your own mom seems like what the doctor ordered. I found it especially hard during both my pregnancies, which were very difficult ones. Don't get me wrong, I have a nice life and some wonderfull friends, but sometimes I feel like something is missing. Are there any other motherless moms out there? How do you cope?
Like the post below I've quoted, I also wonder that when you're missing her/them if something happens that you don't realize that they are in the room with you. Call me crazy.. but I know that my dad is here with me some days. I have a bird.. he will start going nuts for no reason. Also other little things.. like the other day, here it is winter; I'm thinking of my dad and see buds on a rose I have. They are tiny but they are there.. so far only on that rose. Worms are another thing.. When he moved down here, we dug plants from his old house & took his worms (we have sandy soil here, worms can be scarce) they look different then the worms down here, when I'm down I will see one in the garden. If you allow yourself to see these signs you won't feel so alone...

My dad loved to garden, so the garden always makes me feel closer to him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NChomesomeday View Post
Strangely, even though I was only 10 when she died, I feel her presence almost every day. Often it comes out as something I say to my kids without even thinking about it, then I realize it's something exactly like my mother would have said. My kids are so used to me saying "did my mother just walk through this room?"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 04:02 PM
 
3,893 posts, read 9,361,850 times
Reputation: 3042
Default My dad is with me too.

My friends joke that my dad still sends great gifts because I still get little surprises that trace back to him somehow. I feel him with me sometimes.

2kids4me- I totally relate to your feeling of displacement. I don't want to be the senior generation in my family! LOL! I feel that emptiness too. You make perfect sense.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 04:31 PM
 
2 posts, read 5,551 times
Reputation: 10
Thanks for the replies.

I often find myself being able to catch a scent sometimes that reminds me of my parents. Today I passed a woman in the grocery store and the smell of her perfume evoked memories of my mother.

I too feel badly for my son who doesn't know his maternal grandparents. We keep pictures of them around the house and I am sure to talk about them a lot. He seems to be able to have a connection with them even though he's never met them. It's neat. Thank you for sharing so much. It helps to hear what others have experienced.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Independence, MO
544 posts, read 1,992,943 times
Reputation: 381
I was only 7 when my mom died. I understand how you feel. Luckily I have aunts that I am very very close with. They helped me through some very trying times during pregnancy and those infant and toddler years. Just so sad we live 800 miles apart. The phone company loves us!! I feel the worst was I did not understand "mothering". My kids have grown up fine. My dad's ex-wife told me once that I loved my kids too much, gave them too much attention etc. She watched my kids for me once, and I never asked her again after that comment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 06:23 PM
 
3,031 posts, read 8,150,473 times
Reputation: 830
My mom was 45 when she died. When I was 45, I relapsed into a lot of anxiety/panic disorder issues that I had 10 years previous. I think I was afraid that I was going to die like she did and orphan my kids at a young age. My dad was 50 (they died a few months apart) and I recently went though something similar, though a lesser intensity. I turned 50 last Feb.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 07:19 PM
 
3,893 posts, read 9,361,850 times
Reputation: 3042
I can't believe you just wrote that! I fear the same thing. My mom had just turned 48 when she died. At the gym this morning some of us got to talking about what motivates us. I joked that I just wanted to see 50. To be honest, it's not that far from the truth. I'm terrified I will leave my kids. I try and leave notes, take lots of pictures, make vivid memories, scrapbook, etc. I want them to have plenty to hold onto, no matter how long I last
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 08:26 PM
 
3,031 posts, read 8,150,473 times
Reputation: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by akm4 View Post
I can't believe you just wrote that! I fear the same thing. My mom had just turned 48 when she died. At the gym this morning some of us got to talking about what motivates us. I joked that I just wanted to see 50. To be honest, it's not that far from the truth. I'm terrified I will leave my kids. I try and leave notes, take lots of pictures, make vivid memories, scrapbook, etc. I want them to have plenty to hold onto, no matter how long I last

I've made the same kind of jokes (which my huisband didn't find funny). When each of my boys turned 10/11, I had that fear again--that was the age I was when I lost my parents. My daughter is 8 and I'm sure I'll go through it all over again (if I live that long).

See, I did it again! Honestly, I appear to be joking but something deep down inside is just plain terrified.

On a completely different (but related) note, I * have* to tell you about a dream I had when I was about 16 or 17. I dreamt I was walking down the street and I passed a restaurant, looked inside and my parents and sister were sitting there! They waved me inside. My mother did all the talking (which was pretty usual for our household---my Dad was a quiet guy). She told me how proud she was of me for dealing with the cards I'd been given in life and how well I was doing in school. She said she was so thrilled I'd been accepted to XYZ college, among others. I had to tell her that I hadn't heard from XYZ yet though it was my first choice. She said lots of other things to me, ALL of which I remembered in great detail upon awakening the next day. In fact, it was so vivid, I picked up the phone to call my sister and she was already on the line. You guessed it--she wanted to tell me about a dream she'd had the night before where she was sitting in a restaurant with my parents and I walked by the window.

A few days later, my acceptance to XYZ college came in the mail.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 09:12 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 14,983,675 times
Reputation: 8014
It's so hard to be a motherless mother. I lost my mother at the age of 19 and now that I have a child of my own I need her more then ever.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2008, 09:20 PM
 
3,893 posts, read 9,361,850 times
Reputation: 3042
Quote:
Originally Posted by NChomesomeday View Post
On a completely different (but related) note, I * have* to tell you about a dream I had when I was about 16 or 17. I dreamt I was walking down the street and I passed a restaurant, looked inside and my parents and sister were sitting there! They waved me inside. My mother did all the talking (which was pretty usual for our household---my Dad was a quiet guy). She told me how proud she was of me for dealing with the cards I'd been given in life and how well I was doing in school. She said she was so thrilled I'd been accepted to XYZ college, among others. I had to tell her that I hadn't heard from XYZ yet though it was my first choice. She said lots of other things to me, ALL of which I remembered in great detail upon awakening the next day. In fact, it was so vivid, I picked up the phone to call my sister and she was already on the line. You guessed it--she wanted to tell me about a dream she'd had the night before where she was sitting in a restaurant with my parents and I walked by the window.

A few days later, my acceptance to XYZ college came in the mail.
Okay....full body chills. What a wonderful story. I'm so glad you shared it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top