Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Economics > Personal Finance
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-19-2015, 07:59 AM
 
26,194 posts, read 21,601,431 times
Reputation: 22772

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
Of course. We have a pretty good relationship that includes being open and honest with each other about everything. He doesn't blame me for it either.
Maybe the first step in getting this problem dealt with is accepting your role in it. You are to blame for taking the loans, blowing the money and for not making your ex husband take responsibility during the divorce. You are responsible for all of that no matter how you try to explain it all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-19-2015, 08:05 AM
 
Location: NYC
16,062 posts, read 26,757,428 times
Reputation: 24848
Talk to a lawyer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 09:39 AM
 
18,549 posts, read 15,598,983 times
Reputation: 16235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
I hope this does not happen, especially in your case. You took the loans out and blew the money on things other than education. You shouldn't be able dump these loans just because of your serious of bad mistakes
You either don't understand domestic violence or didn't read the post. Splurging on excess luxuries and fearing for your life are simply not the same thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 09:49 AM
 
26,194 posts, read 21,601,431 times
Reputation: 22772
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
You either don't understand domestic violence or didn't read the post. Splurging on excess luxuries and fearing for your life are simply not the same thing.

I understand and read everything. They were splurging on excessive luxuries and she may have been fearing for her life. You are also hearing one side of the story remember.

All the backstory, finger pointing and excusses don't make the debt go away
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 10:04 AM
 
210 posts, read 239,062 times
Reputation: 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
I understand and read everything. They were splurging on excessive luxuries and she may have been fearing for her life. You are also hearing one side of the story remember.

All the backstory, finger pointing and excusses don't make the debt go away
I'm not going to reply to posts like this because honestly I've heard it all. It wasn't until I got over the fact that some people would blame me that I finally left.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 10:23 AM
 
18,549 posts, read 15,598,983 times
Reputation: 16235
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
Of course. We have a pretty good relationship that includes being open and honest with each other about everything. He doesn't blame me for it either.
How much does he make a year?

How much has your private loan balance grown as a result of unpaid interest and late fees?

If you post a detailed written budget and the details of the current status of the private loans, including interest rates and balances, we can take it from there and try to help you plan this out.

First, call and see if you can settle any of the loans for less than the full amount. Offer 30-50 cents on the dollar on all the loans you are 6 months or more behind on. Refinance with family loan if possible (normally I would advise against this, but your sky-high interest rates indicate this may be the only reasonable option.)

If you cannot get a family loan, then the next thing to look at is whether your husband* (if he is willing) can take out credit cards or personal loans to pay off the super-high interest loans (>15%) and tackle the lower interest private loans (if you have such) directly, paying them out of income. This will be especially useful if you can settle the very high interest loans for less than the full balance and use credit cards or personal loans/credit lines in your husband's name to pay the lump sum. Be sure to get any settlement offer in writing - if you don't do this, it could mean you'll spend the rest of your life in debt - so getting it in writing is very important!

Let's say you manage to settle some of the private loans for less than the full amount and cram down your private loan debt to $70k. If you have some of that in low-interest loans, they would have manageable payments of a few hundred dollars monthly - so you'd just pay them. The super high interest ones could be moved to credit cards, with payments totalling another few hundred dollars a month.

You should aim to get all the payments, federal, private, and credit card, to total less than about $1500/month. Ideally under $1000/month, if it can be done.

Then what you want to do is increase income. This does not necessarily mean you must give up your current job, if you can work a side gig, and preferably your husband do the same.

The tough part is you may have to put up with austerity living for a few years (but then again, what do you expect with this much debt after all?)

If all the payments are made on time every month on all of it, federal, private, AND credit cards, for several years in a row, your credit will be good enough to move the debt back into your name, where it "belongs" (you may even use this as a talking point when mentioning the idea to your husband.). With good credit, you can open some unsecured personal lines of credit at 8-12% interest for unsecured debt, and use them to pay off any debt with a rate higher than that. Ideally, you can balance transfer at least a portion to 0% credit cards.

My hope for you is that by this point you will be down to $40k in non-federal-loan debt with $10k - $15k of that on 0% credit cards and the rest of it at no more than 10% interest. At this point, with the federal loans still on IBR, you can scale back to just a full time job for both of you, giving you a well needed respite from the burnout you will have by this time.

I do believe it should be possible to be totally free of non-mortgage debt (not counting federal loans on IBR) by 2030 if you play your cards right and stay motivated.


*You probably cannot do this yourself due to trashed credit from the private loan defaults
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 10:50 AM
 
26,194 posts, read 21,601,431 times
Reputation: 22772
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
I'm not going to reply to posts like this because honestly I've heard it all. It wasn't until I got over the fact that some people would blame me that I finally left.

It's like an enabler to am addict, they carry some blame too. There is being total at fault and totally blameless and you are niether one of those
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Keosauqua, Iowa
9,614 posts, read 21,280,374 times
Reputation: 13670
Have you looked into any of the student loan forgiveness programs? There are several out there, and most are available to teachers. I don't know if any of them cover private loans, but they might help out with the federal loans.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,946 posts, read 36,394,363 times
Reputation: 43799
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
It's like an enabler to am addict, they carry some blame too. There is being total at fault and totally blameless and you are niether one of those
Have you ever been in that position?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-19-2015, 04:31 PM
 
26,194 posts, read 21,601,431 times
Reputation: 22772
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
Have you ever been in that position?

Yes I have and the only thing that changed my situation was me and that couldn't happen until I took responsibility for my role in letting it get that way. If all you do is make excuses for what has happened you never own up to fixing it. Once I owned up and accepted that years worth of poor decisions cost me no matter what my ex was also doing I made a plan and started attacking the finacial mess I helped create.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Economics > Personal Finance

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:02 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top