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Neither of us is really interested in marriage.
...
But I wonder if there are some angles I am not seeing.
Is marriage that offensive to you that you both wouldn't consider it if you decided you wanted to move with him? There's no rule that says you both have to live in the same house. You could still have all the perks of what you have now, except you will be more secure financially, if he were to pass before you.
I am curious what other unmarried couples do to protect their loved ones after their deaths. Did you have this kind of conversation and what did you end up doing? What precautions to those of you who live together as well take to protect each other. I would like to offer some suggestions aside from, "no, I can't do it."
You do pretty much the same thing you'd do if you were married. You make your significant other the beneficiary for any IRA, 401(k), and bank account. You have an attorney create a will that names your significant other as beneficiary for everything, makes them your executor, and puts them in charge of things like funeral arrangements. You have that attorney draw up durable power of attorney documents for both of you so you can act on the other's behalf if they're incapacitated. Depending on the state, you also may draw up a health care power of attorney document.
I presume neither of you have a pension. The big advantage you get being married is Social Security survivor benefits. In your case, that could end up being a really big deal with an 8 year age spread and a significant other with cardiac issues. If it were me, I'd do the math to get a better understanding of what that benefit would look like so you understand what you're potentially losing by not being married.
They have a downloadable Windows program where you can plug in all his earnings numbers and figure out what is benefit will be. It's a huge PITA but you then know the numbers and understand what you'd be giving up. There are a bunch of people here and in the retirement message board who know the ins and outs of the survivor benefit part.
There are a few other survivor benefits to being married. With an IRA or 401(k), it transfers to you on their death and becomes yours with no tax implications. Otherwise, you're forced to put it on a distribution schedule and pay taxes on the distribution every year. In many places, real estate transfers to you with no costs or change in cost basis. Some places (Florida and California, for example), that can save you big on property taxes. Joint ownership for an unmarried couple might not do that. That same attorney drawing up wills is also likely up on estate planning law.
Thanks for the answers so far. I'm reading through and thinking about them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
Is marriage that offensive to you that you both wouldn't consider it if you decided you wanted to move with him? There's no rule that says you both have to live in the same house. You could still have all the perks of what you have now, except you will be more secure financially, if he were to pass before you.
To answer this question, he's divorced and doesn't want to marry again. I'm pretty much indifferent to it (I don't care if I marry or not). However, in the situation he's proposing I think we'd either need to be married or he will have to accept that I can't do what he's asking since I can't see how it can be done without putting me in potential poverty when I'm elderly.
The purpose of this thread is to see if there is a way. Although it seems like the answer is a talk to a lawyer (when this is more of a reality and not five years out).
If it were me, I wouldn't quit. You'd be in a tough spot if things don't go according to plan.
Even if he were to provided for you in his will, it can always be revoked and changed without the beneficiaries knowledge or consent. IMO having him provide for you in the will isn't really any protection. Owning the house jointly would be a good idea.
The purpose of this thread is to see if there is a way. Although it seems like the answer is a talk to a lawyer (when this is more of a reality and not five years out).
I agree. Heck, if you're still together when he's ready to do this, it could be by then he'll be more comfortable about marriage. Maybe he needs to get more years under his belt. My honey took five years
I wouldn't give up my job for promises. It is lovely that he cares enough about you to want you with him and to take care of you, but giving up your job would make you too dependent on him. Only you can take care of your financial future. That's great that you may be able to telecommute for your job. At least that would allow you to move with him.
If you're happy to live with him, then do it. One thing to consider if you move in with him is to buy a home of your own and rent it out. While you're living with him, you can have tenants paying for the cost of your home. Then, if you find yourself alone, you will always have your own home to go to without having to get into all of the legal mess with kids.
As others have said, a lot can happen in five years. It is good to dream about all of the future possibilities. But it is good to know your options should his plan happen. He needs to understand that you have to think of your future and cannot retire early just because he is able. He has to share you with your job for your own good.
He's divorced and doesn't want to get married again.
He wants to retire and move to the country.
He wants you to chuck everything and shack up.
He wants....
He wants....
I don't blame him. He gets lovin', laundry, housework and cooking, with no strings attached. I'd like that too.
Of course, i do not know either of you, but I would not find this arrangement acceptable for myself. If he doesn't want to give you the legal protection of marriage, I don't think you should give up your job or your own house.
The only possible way I could do it, was if I kept my house, and rented it out, kept my job, and kept all my finances totally separate from his.
He's divorced and doesn't want to get married again.
He wants to retire and move to the country.
He wants you to chuck everything and shack up.
He wants....
He wants....
I don't blame him. He gets lovin', laundry, housework and cooking, with no strings attached. I'd like that too.
Of course, i do not know either of you, but I would not find this arrangement acceptable for myself. If he doesn't want to give you the legal protection of marriage, I don't think you should give up your job or your own house.
The only possible way I could do it, was if I kept my house, and rented it out, kept my job, and kept all my finances totally separate from his.
To be clear, the OP didn't say her guy wants her to do laundry, housework and cooking - they don't live together now and even if they did, her doing all the chores should never be assumed! Now, as for the lovin', as long as I got all my druthers in that category, sure!
Don't make this into something it's not - the OP is mature and independent and is still looking out for herself so she's not a dumb little chickie who doesn't know the score.
He's divorced and doesn't want to get married again.
He wants to retire and move to the country.
He wants you to chuck everything and shack up.
He wants....
He wants....
I don't blame him. He gets lovin', laundry, housework and cooking, with no strings attached. I'd like that too.
Of course, i do not know either of you, but I would not find this arrangement acceptable for myself. If he doesn't want to give you the legal protection of marriage, I don't think you should give up your job or your own house.
The only possible way I could do it, was if I kept my house, and rented it out, kept my job, and kept all my finances totally separate from his.
A friend of mine went that route. They were adorable love birds and she nursed him through terminal illness. His daughter came to the house with an old last will and the law in tow.
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